I kissed him. He rejected me. He disappeared. WHY?

[somwon_555]

I don't understand why. There's this guy who liked me a lot for YEARS. We finally got together and he was talking long term and stuff. There was one disagreement about an issue that he considers a deal-breaker for a long term relationship, and there was slight tension. We cuddled again after that little argument. I leaned to kiss him and he froze. I asked him why, he said "I wasn't expecting it". So I leaned and kissed him again, and he froze again, keeping his lips tightly sealed and his eyes closed and his fist closed and stiff. Everything about his body language was "no, it's not happening". I was hurt, so I excused myself and left. I asked him to just call me tomorrow.

The next day he never called. He never responded to my texts. He ghosted me forever.

He kept me as a friend on facebook, but never showed sign of life. So I unfriended him (I wanted to move on and it hurt to see him). He responded by blocking me!

It's been months, we've blocked each other everywhere. I am 100% sure he liked me and I have known him for YEARS. I am MASSIVELY CONFUSED why he did this? Even if the dealbreaker was the issue, why not kiss me?
Or why not be my friend?
Why reject the kiss, AND reject friendship or being in touch? And WHY GHOST? Why not at least say something before ending everything?

Updates

+1 y

The deal breaker was religious differences.

I am not religious, but he is.

I don't care, he does.

I accept him as he is. He says he accepts me, but his religion forbids him from marrying someone like me, unless I convert to his religion.

Updates

+1 y

Please make no mistake, I am not attracted to him anymore because I don't look up to him like I used to.

I have no desire to be with him. I am just trying to find answers for my own sake. It's just a human thing.

[kayjay87]

I think the reason he cut you out of his life is on some levels he has feelings for you.
Sadly men are terrible at expressing themselves. He can't be friends with you because perhaps he is attracted to you and wanted to be more than friends but because of this deal breaker he can't see a future. I think he has done the right thing by moving on with his life.

I'm in a situation myself where I'm being used for attention seeking purposes because she broke up with her ex months and months ago. I've dated the girl a couple of times but sometimes she goes cold for no reason, the brain side of me says she's going to hurt you stay away, emotional side says she's a nice person deep inside. I did what my brain said, I cut her out to avoid getting hurt.

[somwon_555]

If someone doesn't want to be in my life I can only respect their decision. I'm not trying to force him to like me or stay in touch. I get that sometimes it's difficult to express oneself, but a simple text message "Hey, sorry I don't wish to stay in touch with you" would suffice. I am just puzzled as to why he chose ghosting, of all the methods, to cut ties with someone he had known for 11 years.

Oh well... :(

[kayjay87]

Im sorry somwon, unfortuately its painful but its got to be done. I was in a situation a few months ago, this girl lost her virginity to the person she thought would marry her but he ended up marrying another girl broke her heart, she contacted me through facebook to try and find someone (who was me), i did my best to try and help her back on her feet she wanted me.

[kayjay87]

I always said we would only be friends. She ended up getting very clingy, started sending nudes, i had no interest whatsoever she was friendzoned, i werent the slightest attracted to her. She ended up insulting me and I thought there's no consoling this person, she made my life miserable and i ended up telling her you compared me to your ex despite my attempts of picking you up when your down. I wish you the best in life. She tried making me jealous the only way I could get her to leave me alone was to get a friend to pretend she was seeing me and she ripped me apart to my pretend girlfriend. I was disgraced by her actions and at last she left me alone.

What I am getting out is the length she went through, I werent seeing her and always saw her as a friend. She would drunk call me and tell me she loves me. The only way she was going to get on her feet is on her own. If i messaged her once she would automatica think I love her back, which is 100% wrong.

[somwon_555]

In your case, what you did was right. You told her your intentions, but it sounds like she didn't respect those boundaries. So I can't blame you.

See, if he had been half as clear with me as you've been with her, I wouldn't have felt bad at all...

Thank you so much for your replies and help.

[kayjay87]

Any time :-) dudes are terrible with feelings and emotions we are raised to get over cuts when we are younger but with daughters parents will console them. It's to do with the way we are bought up. Anywho lol

Good night :-)

[iMathias]

Now this is something interesting.

Have you kissed each other before? Neck, cheeks?

Was he a shy person? Did he feel comfortable when you were cuddling?

I'm guessing you went too fast on him, even though you've known him for years..

Maybe you should've called him the next day to meet him and ask what's wrong and what will happen next.

[somwon_555]

I did call, text, etc and he never responded.
Yes, we cuddled the entire night before I kissed him the next day.
He was super comfortable and happy to cuddle. I could sense he had an erection but he was trying to hide it. I thought maybe he was the one who didn't want to move too fast and scare me, so I made the first move.

Nah I don't think he's shy. He was hanging about in underwear in front of me..

[iMathias]

Saw you update on relegion that he has. Maybe that was the problem of it? Maybe he thought kissing will lead into more and thats what scared him off.

[somwon_555]

But if that's the case, wouldn't it be more reasonable to just tell me? I mean instead of ghosting and therefore ruining any possibility of being friends again, or even on good terms...

[iMathias]

That'd be reasonable, but I guess that's not how it went. I really don't know any other possibilities. Unless he didn't have a relationship with another person? Can't really think of other solutions. Best of luck!

[somwon_555]

Thanks for your help. :)

[Chrysis]

I guess he was hurt. I figure he wasn't expecting this, considering he was talking long-term & stuff, but a dealbreaker's a dealbreaker.
I also guess he's a coward considering he didn't have the guts to talk about it & instead just disappeared.

[somwon_555]

Thanks Chrysis. I should be clearer next time and maybe only go with people who come from a similar background. There's a reason people usually only match up with people from the same country/culture/ethnic background etc

[Anonymous]

I am slightly psychic and can often read energy levels from questions... but it will help make things much clearer if you say what the deal breaker is.

I'd guess it has something to do with previous partners, or something you've done in the past, or something that happened while he watched in the background hoping you'd make the right choice. You don't understand because you can't see the deal breaker from his point of view because you can only see things through your own eyes. I notice this a lot...

Why not kiss you? would you still kiss someone who exhibited some kind of deal breaker? wouldn't that turn you off? Or do you expect men to always want sexually related activities?

[somwon_555]

Thanks for your reply. I added the deal breaker in the update now.

[burpzzzzz]

I hate to break to you guys don't like arguing with women. That issue right there would be a sign for most guys to bail. There is a lack of respect for men these days.

[somwon_555]

Thanks for your answer. I just wished he ended things properly, considering we had known each other for so many years.

[burpzzzzz]

Yes but you can't wish people do things when you treat them poorly. I suggest you read the book Men Are From Mars and Women from Venus and watch Dr Warren Farrell videos on youtube.

[jakeiremonger]

A dealbreaker's a dealbreaker. Time to get over it.

[somwon_555]

I think you missed the question. The deal-breaker doesn't stop him from being my friend. Don't want to be my friend? Fine. The deal-breaker doesn't stop him from telling me that- instead of ghosting. Just to show care and respect. It's the least people deserve when you've known each other for 11 years...

[jakeiremonger]

Obviously it does lol.

[TheNoodle]

Might as well move on. From either stand point, it wouldn't work. If he is set in his ways to put his religion first and you second then either give him a medal or kick him in the dick.

[GingerGuy]

You're only going to find the true answer by talking to him and asking him.

[somwon_555]

If that was possible, I wouldn't be asking here.

[reptocarl]

He found someone else or decided you're not for him

[somwon_555]

quite possible, knowing his history of monkey branching

[philipph]

I guess he is trying to protect himself to be not punished (from allah i guess)

[bekkesmash]

What was the deal breaker? That will put things into perspective.

[Anonymous]

he wants a religious woman. get over it. there is nothing you can do. you shouldn't insist.

[somwon_555]

Insist on what? Did you even read the question? I'm not interested in him, I am interested in understand why he did what he did. Call it feedback and self improvement.

[Opinion Owner]

you might have stolen his first kiss. his body language reaction indicates that as a possible scenario. or was shocked. plus how are you so sure he liked you? plus since he likes religious, he might liked you only in a lustful way (but he won't realise that since he is religious), so it doesn't mean he liked you holistically as a personality as well. why be your friend asker. he doesn't care to keep you as a friend. he wanted your body for more but your personality was a hindrance for his stadards. so staying around you would be counterproductive to him... .

[ianpatton]

What religion does he have?

[SmartSree]

I think u kissed him without his permission...

[somwon_555]

hahaha except he was asking me to cuddle and touch him. I guess I misunderstood his platonic intentions? :)

[SmartSree]

Mmmm.. May be...

[Anonymous]

Was he a monk, a celibate one?

[somwon_555]

lol no..

[Opinion Owner]

Well I don't know what else to say. I spotted a comment you made, 11years you've known the dude, 11? Ohh my, that's my lucky number would you believe, at the moment anyway, it'll be 12 this time next year, and 13 the year after that...
My lucky number changes annually, around this time every year :)