Why are a lot of guys so secretly attracted to shy, quiet girls?

I've always been a pretty quiet girl, and most of the time guys don't seem to notice me as anything more than a friend or flirt with me that much. But quite a few guys have admitted to my friends that they think I'm really cute and sexy and such.

I don't understand why they openly flirt and date other girls, but secretly like me. What's so attractive about the the shyness and why don't they just admit it to me instead of my friends?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I’ve just re-read this post and it’s probably a little to frank and honest for its own good. Please consider that when I’m talked about how shallow men are, I more mean young twenty-year-old men. We do get a little better, as we get older.

    My take on this subject is slightly different to every answer, with the exception of P-puy.

    Firstly, I think it is important to point out that men don't have one girl they like, but more of a shopping list of girls. We always have at least a hand full of lasses that we wouldn’t mind asking out at any one time. There maybe girls higher up that list than other, but it is always a list and not just one girl.

    Secondly, men are scum. (You probably already knew that.) At the start of a relationship when your first dating, a large part (not completely but a large part) of how we measure the success of a relationship is what we physically getting. i.e. 5 dates and all you've done is hold hands, you can guarantee there won't be a 6th date. Sorry to say it, but we fellas are that shallow.

    So my observation is.

    The boys don’t exclusively like you; they like you and other girls at the same time. So your statement "I don't understand why they openly flirt and date other girls, but secretly like me." is a misinterpretation. They do like you and the other girl’s their flirting/dating. I'm assuming as the guys have told friends they think you’re cute and sexy, then you probably are.


    why don't they just admit it to me instead of my friends?

    Because you’re shy, you’re a high-risk date. i.e. They will ask you out, go on a few dates, spend a lot of time having social awkward conversations and spend a lot money (and your a girl, so you probably never thought about this, but dating is very expensive for men.) and will get no physical satisfaction. And they’re thinking this because normally shy quiet girls are normally shy and quiet in the bedroom/on the sofa. I’m sorry but us men are that shallow.

    There are exceptions like that filthy Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but she is an exception.

    I have given the following advice on this web site before and been heavily critised for it, but that won't stop me giving the same advice again. I'm European; I'm assuming your American, so this advice my not travel across the Atlantic.

    Its 2008, if your a girl and you like a guy, their is nothing wrong with you asking him out. My current girls friend of 8 years picked me up in a bar.

    If you’re too shy to ask a guy out, do the other thing women do and just make your self blatantly available. "Oh, you want to see the latest Batman movie? I really want to see that too. I have a free evening on Thursday."

    • Very well said.

    • Show All
    • Im the kind who can only stay interested in one girl at a time. I don't do relationships if I don't feel strongly about the other person

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • They don't open their mouths as much. Beleive it or not this is a valuable trait especially after you've made the mistake of being with a pushy women/girl that doesn't know when enough is enough; and when to shut her mouth.

    They come off as more innocent. Most likely because they are. They lack confidence, so it's easier to have confidence talking to them. They seem to listen to you more which is nice. They don't have to argue about every little detail of every little thing, this goes back to the knowing when enough, is enough thing.

    Most of the quiet ones are the wild ones.

    Often times, once you get a quiet girl to open up she is a pretty cool person deep down, and a lot neater than you thought.

    She doesn't think getting into a fist fight is Retro/cool. She'd rather act like a lady. Just some things I've noticed in comparing the two as a guy.

    • You really have it down! The part about shy girls being wild. That statement is actually very much true!!! And, yes, we are cool! ;)

    • Thanks. Yes they can be. I wish I got the chance to talk/speak with more of them more frequently :).

  • From what you said I would guess this. You probably are a cute, good looking girl and they see this, but since your quiet and shy they don't know if they "like you" or not. They are probably just attracted to you physically. At the same time, your shyness probably makes you less approachable. Even if you talk to them some, it may be hard for them to read your emotions, and they are going through the same thing you are, trying to figure out if you like them or not. So they end up spending time dating and hanging out with other girls that they can talk to more easily.

  • You're mysterious, and they don't approach you because of this. Usually guys search for signs from the girl that show them how to approach them. In your case, you don't give any signals, so they are clueless. Isn't it funny how all they have to do is ask, and that makes them light years ahead of the rest?

  • I feel like a girl needs someone to protect her if she's shy, I find that attractive, and they are easyier going and sweeter wich I can't resist.

  • Basically, they are mysterious(sometimes), and quiet. They will talk to you, but they aren't the flirty ones that will make you jealous. Like the last girl I dated was flirty and was always talking to guys and stuff. I knew she never cheated on me, but I couldn't help but to feel jealous about all the time she spent with OTHER guys. Whereas the shy girl before her never did anything like that and I was never jealous. They usually aren't the girls that will go out and have a one night stand.

  • In my opinion, Once I saw the relationship between Ben and Amy in the Secret Life of the American Teenager. Everyday pretty much all day I have craved that kind of relationship, I can't stop thinking about a shy girl that will love me back just as much as I love them. Its a first for me, Started instantly after I saw the show. Maybe its that we subconsciously find that girls being shy makes it a lot easier for us to seem not shy.

    Personally... It makes me actually have stomach turns just WANTING to be with somebody thats shy and then learns to trust me and asks me why I'm so nice.

  • Sorry for such a late responce...i was just searching the web for...random stuff.

    Well the answer...in my opinion is yes. I think that the shy quiet girls are the best. Now keep in mind I'm not a player. I don't go around corrupting girls. I just think that getting to know them is its own reward. Cause its fun that way.

    You never know what kind of girl she could be on the inside:

    A. Sweet kind girl

    B. A girl who just wants attention =,(

    C. A naturaly shy girl who can't help being who she is.

    D. A mean girl who is very sadistic...(I doubt that will happen. I would consider it to be sexy rather than scary-Im screwed up in the head I know-).

    E. A crazy person who likes noddles =D

  • they find it such a myestry and sexy plus pwerful.

  • Well I find shy girls really cute, and it's just a turn on.

  • Well my girlfriend is the quiet type. Don't know if she's really SHY but that's her type. She's also the innocent type which also leads to her being a virgin. But I like her becuase she's not just any average girl. The shy ones are usually not going to be mean or rude or negative in most ways and they're usually friendly and more innocent, at least more than the average unless they're really quiet and sneaky. But people probably somewhat respect them for being shy in a way they don't want to bother them because they're shy. So they might not flirt. Sorta like how a virgin who is innocent is obviously not the perverted or slutty type so those who would see that in them are more likely to respect them in that sense than they would a more outgoing girl who probably wouldn't mind a guy picking on her in a perverted way because it's normal for her. I don't know why really because I'm not like other guys. I'm not crazy for girls in general like most guys. I didn't even care for the whole love thing. But I did end up really liking my girlfriend.


What Girls Said 6

  • This isn't really an answer to your question, but I'm shy too, and I think people in general find shy people interesting for some reason. There's more mystery to us. I generally keep to myself, but I'm completely different around my friends, and I think people see that and just get all these questions in their head because they don't get to see that side of me.

  • I KNOW!

    It happens to me all the time!

    Guys are just too scared of girls like us, since we do not really show that much feelings in public, so they don't know where they stand with us, and they're terrified of rejection. But the thing is, we're pretty secretive, and we know how to keep things to ourselves, so even if they try and fail, we will not judge and we will not tell everybody either! We respect your privacy as much as ours!

  • I think because you are different from most girls. I have to admit, but most guys just like to have fun with girls that are just plain 'easy. there is no way that they would want a commited relationship with! but with girls like you, they want a girl that they know would be reliable and want to have a serious relationship with. They secretly like you because maybe it just your physical looks and difference that intimidate them.


      so ture, so ture,

    • Indeed! And the best part is, we're NOT into 'just fun' when it comes to guys, we do search for something deeper, so when we unconsciously give off that vibe, we are doing ourselves a huge favor!

  • Because you intimidate them with your mystery. Your not loud and boisterous like the outgoing girls they date who are open books to the world (not in a bad way) so it's not as easy to gauge your interest therefore increasing their imagined chance of rejection.

  • I feel like they dont know how to approach us like sometimes coming on direct scares the guy off. then when you go the friend route it's too subtle

  • why is it assumed that quiet shy girls are sweet? from my experience some of them are the biggest undercover hoes you will ever meet. You just dont' know about it. lol