Why do so many girls not like shy guys?

Question

I have never had luck with girls and I don't know what to do

freakyzeaky · Accepted Answer

If I were you I would do these things to slowly expose yourself (I am trying to do them too)
0) Step 0 is to work on self-actualization, independence, and general life improvement. Hygiene, fitness, grooming, fashion, meditation, reading, career building, better living/transportation situation, education, and being creative. Improve your self-esteem in ways that you can do without exposing yourself yet. Don't get stuck in this pre-step though, because this is a never-ending process.
1) Fix your posture. Stand tall when you walk and walk slower. Keep your chin up rather than looking down.
2) Make more eye contact during conversation (both speaking and listening) and to random people.
3) Smile more, at both yourself in the mirror and to passersby.
4) Start to say "Hello" to people more often.
5) Make random comments about the environment to strangers (store clerks, cashiers, etc.)
6) Ask questions to random strangers such as directions, about good places to eat in the area, etc.
7) Start small talk with strangers (try to keep the conversation longer than step 5 or 6)
8) Interested is interesting; be interested in people during social opportunities and try to relate or emphasize with them.
9) Use active listening skills; pay attention to the details and try to show you understand and really care.
10) Rekindle old friendships you may have neglected and offer to pay for an outing (sports game, concert tickets, dinner, movies, etc.) You can always tell them they can treat you next time. Think of it as a friendly date.
12) Don't skip out of offers from friends to attend social events such as parties. Even if you are too introverted to stay the entire time, just visit and try to be friendly. Remember steps 8 and 9!
11) Go to places where socialization is expected such as a dive bar (if you drink), networking event, convention, and continue to practice friendly conversation.
12) Once you feel more friendly, maybe even made some acquaintances, consider your hobbies or things you want to try. Look into meetup groups, communities, volunteer work, classes, dancing, and so forth since this is the best way for warm approaching.
13) Set up a dating profile on free sites like PoF, OKCupid, Zoosk, Tinder, etc. A few professional pics and a few pics doing activities are highly recommended, and be honest about who you are and what you like! Don't be fake! Your goal is to find a woman who is compatible with you and not just jump on any offer!
14) Read up on how to flirt.

ryanrhino · Accepted Answer

I'm going to dig deeper than just your question. I think you are asking "Why can't, I, a shy guy have the confidence to talk to women?"

First thing, and this is not being selfish, YOU are the only one that matters. Now, by no means be a jerk, but don't worry about what others think of you. It's quite freeing when you can remove that concern. But, with that being said, don't hurt others. Be confident and respectful.

Next, realize that you don't NEED a woman in your life. Sure, it's nice and uplifting and wonderful, but it is worth the wait to just *click* with that special one.

Finally, and most importantly, you need to love you for who you are. Sure, you're shy. OK, well, why are you shy? What are you afraid of? Don't be a pompous cartoon character in real life or anything, but are you shy with your family? Your friends?

What I found has worked for me is just act like who you are with everyone. Treat everyone the same at a minimum level. Then, when you find that special woman you want to know more intimately, don't put all of your expectations into it. Sure, hope big, but don't put all of your poker chips on her.

Once you find happiness in being with yourself, attracting women will become amazing. Sure, you don't believe me. I understand that. Trust me. If you can truly be happy and have happiness to give, women AND men will be attracted to that.

Just be true and honest. Why play games with one you care so much about?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Guys need to at least man up and just talk to a girl. How else are they going to meet her anyway? It doesn't even need to be a corny pick-up line, just ask the girl something normal to get the conversation started!

Honestly, whenever I think of guys that are too shy, I just think that they are too scared or wimpy to just TALK to a girl. We're not gonna bite you (of course, maybe try to avoid the bitchy ones haha)! Guys just need the guts to initiate the conversation, because conversation/communication is the most important thing in a relationship. The same goes for girls too--just say something to the cute guy! lol! I used to be really shy in elementary and in middle school, but when I saw that there was a cute guy in the class and I saw that he was also in another of my classes, I just got the guts to speak up and say "hey! Aren't you in this other class?" And surprisingly (he doesn't seem like the type of person who would initiate the convo with a random person) he spoke up and talked A LOT. Haha I'm so glad that I started the conversation. And it just takes practice. Once you keep up the habit of talking a little bit more, you'll soon be the outgoing type of person that everyone likes. ;)

notluckywithlove · Accepted Answer

Actually I do like shy guys I think there absolutly adorable..and it's actually kinda endearing to have someone blush/stutter when they talk to you..it kinda makes you feel like he appreciates you and you're not just another girl. I know that shy guys have a hard time talking as I'm a shy girl, but I think it's so much easier for me to reconize it and then go up to you guys because I can identify with that. Even if I waesn't though I don't see what the big deal is with oh he can't hold a conversation because the same way many guys find that cute with a shy girl I find it cute in a shy guy and I'll take the time for us to become comfortable with each other so he has a chance to step back and actually have a say after a while. The main thing that's hard about shy guys though is that sometimes you guys are so introverted that you come off as not wanting to talk/ not liking the person whos talking to you,and honestly it can throw people off. Honestly though you may not have much luck now but..one day it will even out for you =D

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, you could see it as shy guys thinking most guys with girlfriends aren't shy too, or even vice versa. Try being in their shoes. This is kind of a direct way to say it- but if you can't hold a comfortable conversation with them, then they might think that trying to talk to you is awkward, and people don't like to be put in awkward situations.

If you want to have girls be on good terms with you, self respect and a little confidence is always good. You REALLY don't have to go out and chat people up, let them come to you, it builds up naturally so you don't end up bursting your own bubble. But open up, free yourself up for conversation. It's really difficult to talk to someone who looks like he's avoiding contact.

If someone's willing to come to you then they're willing to try to carry on a conversation, all you have to do is contribute to it. Ask questions, comment about your surroundings, compliment them...whatever. Just be aware of how they respond, not just verbally, but body language too.

Anonymous · Answer

idk a lot of men don't like shy girls either, or at least they don't approach them as much.

I'm personally not into shy people because I'm so extroverted, talkative, and loud. Sometimes when trying to get to know a shy person, I feel like I'm carrying the conversation and it takes a while for them to open up. I'm patient sometimes but I just get along better with people who are louder, more talkative, and more extroverted. also I love talking and discussing a lot and shy people just come off as completely uninterested or as if they have no intelligence or opinions to share. I like personality, I like laughter and talking so I can get to know people. Shy people are far more reserved and it takes more work to get to know them or even get a glimpse of their personalities. Some people may be willing to work that hard just to see if you're even on the same page, but I'm not. Relationships are hard work as it is. Getting to know you should be easy and move smoothly with a nice flow. If its too hard before we even start dating, that's my cue to leave. :/

And in general I just kind of assume I annoy the sh*t out of shyer people or scare them. lol And when I do like someone shy, its frustrating because I don't know if they like me. There are few signs, etc.

natoosh94 · Answer

I'm a Shy girl , But I like shy guys , Except in some situation the Guy must have confidence and just go for it , Like I wouldn't ever ask a Guy out EVER !  So he must make the first move , And when we're talking he have to let me feel comfortable by talking to me , So I could Open up for him . However , Shy guys in general are safer that any Guy , Cause you're gonna Trust him that he'll never cheat and that he'll always be faithful , I don't know But I think they love truly , Their not Players , Their not Girl addicted :)

peace-love-couture · Answer

You're expecting girls to just flock to you without you having to put in any effort and sorry to burst your bubble but that's not how dating works.

No offense, I've seen some of your answers and you seem a tad unrealistic and have some ridiculous standards.

BCRanger10 · Answer

There's a perception that, as the ladies have already established, that shy guys can't hold a conversation.  I don't think that is entirely true as I am moderately shy.  My best female friend is incredibly outgoing, but sometimes I find myself to be the one trying to chat her up (we are not attracted to each other).  Also, some people think that shyness = lacking in confidence.  That in itself is not true, but if your shyness goes, for lack of a better term, uncontrolled, it can possibly eat away at your confidence.

tpacelli · Answer

I'm shy too so I usually gravitate toward a guy that's more outgoing and can get me to open up faster...cuz once someone starts talking to me I'm fine, its starting that I have a hard time with. I just always tell myself to not be afraid and ask what is their to be scared of? what's the worst that can happen? nobody should get offended by you saying hi lol and if your worried about sounding strange who cares? just keep thinking like that and you should get more confidence, I'm still working on it

...it takes a while to work and its not gonna come all at once but if you feel good about yourself you'll have more confidence

Anonymous · Answer

I used to be like you...but I was also "weird" because I'm not afraid of public speaking and on occasion will take charge in conversations.

Anyway the hard truth is many women misconstrue shyness ESPECIALLY AMERICAN WOMEN) as lack of confidence. You already know how women feel about under confident men. I'm telling you this as one introvert to another that you got to speak up. Start with easy situations and work you way up.

You can't radically change your personality overnight, but you can take baby steps. Try talking to women you are only kind of interested in. Get comfortable. It's really not that bad.

You got to do things to fight this (join toastmasters). If you don't, you stand to lose out on a lot of women. That's cold and it sucks. But it's the truth.

vballgirl16 · Answer

Personally, I like it when guys are more extroverted and in a way...take control of the relationship. I know many other girls like this too. However girls who think this way are mostly shy too. I am rather shy around guys at first and appreciate it when the guy kinda makes my job easy in a way...I, as well as some other girls aren't good at starting conversations, making first moves, and what not. Stereotypically, that's the guys job. Not saying that that is true in all cases but have you ever taken that into account? Just a thought :)

Miss2Fabulous · Answer

Some shy guys are really sweet and caring BUT...me personally, I like a guy who's personality is sociable and kind of out there. In the sense of that he'll talk to people (my friends/family/etc.)...he'll be the life of a party, etc. Shy guys it's like you gotta guess what's on their mind or what/how they feel, etc. It's just not fun and attractive to me.

JennSG · Answer

I see a ton of stuff on the internet about "how to know if a shy guy likes you" and "I like a guy but he's shy". Girls do like shy guys, but they don't want to be rejected. Girls like to know that a guy likes them before acting on it. A lot of the time, we have no clue if a shy guy really likes us so we just give up.

Katyperry · Answer

There are a lot of reasons...  because there are some guys due to shyness they don't talk that much they prefer to be quite there are some who are anxious etc... But then not all are the same... I tried 2x dating in my entire life...and now I'm 22 ehehe  the other guy is VERY shy but then it went well  because I'm the one who keeps on talking,asking and I guess dating shy guys are fine there's nothing wrong on it...JUST always be on yourself and I know you can do it! ;))

madmisskelly · Answer

Im surrounded by women and vague ways of talking, asking for things, double meanings, guessing games and overanalyzing.

At some point, I would liketo not have to analyze and just KNOW that this man is into me, that he wants me, and that he wants to be with me. No guessing, no grey area. I want a man who is confident and knows what he wants enough to just tell me outright what he wants.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

b/c they are scared and usually have low self esteem. by the way there is a difference between shy and reserved. I can respect a guy who is just lowkey and introverted but shyness is borne out of insecurity and that's not attractive. if you can't hold a conversation and you act awkward, how is that attractive?

Hades · Answer

A lot of women are sexist. They refuse to approach men they like and declare that it is a "man's job" to approach them - something that shy guys don't really do. Most women only want equality when it benefits them.

aichang · Answer

not really..i like shy guys!...fell in love with one once but since he's a shy guy even though we had connection he didn't pursue it now when I found out he still like me too its too late I fell in love with someone else, someone who love me too and told me and pursue us.

don't be shy the girl may see it as your not interested to her...

Yeahhbro · Answer

Because girls are lazy and they don't like to ask guys out, and since shy guys don't ask girls out, then that is why shy guys almost always end up single.

Jay_So_Lovely · Answer

I doubt its from being shy..its more likely that its either because your lame, boring, or a creep..take your pick...I know plenty of shy guys that have girlfriends...call it what you will but I'm just being honest

Anonymous · Answer

shy guys can be cute...with a good personality..but how will get to know you if you don't come out of your shell?  no one has time to try to figure some1 out ..i used to be the same...try talking to the girls...how bad could it get?  in your head : tell yourself  something positive like :: man up``  before approaching ppl...try!

ericneo · Answer

Well I just recently asked a poll on what girls like       Check it out.  And by the looks of it very very few girls know what kind of guy they want while many are chasing unrealistic fantasies.

Lexiemc1229 · Answer

I love shy guys. I don't like guys who are loud and obnoxious, who think they know everything. The guy I'm crushing on right now is probably the most shy guy I've ever met, but I think I'm cracking him open a little bit :)

Ugliness · Answer

It can't be that girls like guys who tell them what to do.

But that's what confidence can lead to.

We shy guys are a decent bunch. Friendly, easy going.

Just not ones to be the life of the party or centre of attention.

LivelyMind · Answer

if you can't take charge than how do you expect a girl to be impressed?...

tohrment · Answer

I like shy guys, I think it's endearing. The problems arise when he won't make/carry conversation. Also, realistically I am too shy to approach guys myself, so it seems like we've reached an impasse.

pepper01 · Answer

simple. shy guys give mixed signals. you staring at us isn't going to make us think you like us you seem more like a creeper. talk to a girl, get to know her and go from there.

imlost222 · Answer

well the girls I c they think they all that, and just give off these mean stares I don't even like looking at them I try to avoid them you can tell a lot from a stranger by the way they act

AmberChick · Answer

It's not that we don't like shy guys, it's that you are too shy for us to notice you  (this was my answer from another similar question btw)

EverythingReal · Answer

I LOVE shy guys. Unless they're hard to get. If they're hard to get I don't waste my time. They have to be willing to talk to me.

confused6502 · Answer

i love shy guys! not much of an advice but just letting you know there are girls who like you!

Winku · Answer

Its fine with me but when It comes to asking me out I'd like him to come to me personally & ask me. I had more then once guys sending their friends to ask me If I'd go out with them! :S

ixi10 · Answer

because it's hard to carry a fun conversation with them...or any conversation for that matter

kheserthorpe · Answer

If you speak up and get shot down, you're in the same position as you are now. Its like batting in baseball, except you're allowed to swing all day till you get a hit. Swing the damn bat.

imlost222 · Answer

idk what you are talking about I really like shy guys,  because I feel like they would b sweet and caring and they can b someone I can trust

ImmortalMatt · Answer

Alcohal is your friend dude. I used to be a shy loser and it helped me meet girls. I don't even like the taste either.

moviedude714 · Answer

i learned a long time, it's painful answer but to girls, it is a sign of weakness, not fair but oh well, it is what it is

emzy-89 · Answer

it's not that girls don't like shy guys, it's the fact that because they're shy, they don't get to know as many girls as the outgoing guys. it works the same way for guys and shy girls.

gummybear888 · Answer

just approach them and say HI. that's a good start. don't be so discouraged.

Cantremember · Answer

But they will. Once you are in your 30s. With a career. And money.

Prof_Don · Answer

Shy guys either come off as... 1) disinterested 2) not confident (imo the #1 deal breaker for most females) 3) boring

Prof_Don · Answer

You've inspired me to ask another question. I'll link my question to you under a comment.  My results will give you extra feedback. :)

Anonymous · Answer

I used to be shy, just build up confidence.  You'll get nowhere if you stay shy.  You don't have to be talkative either, just be confident and relax.  let her do most of the talking and ask questions

mike5150 · Answer

I know I am extreamly shy but if a girl comes up to me I will try and talk to them but that happends like once every couple of years if I'm lucky

ihatetakingcharge · Answer

i hate how women are attracted to dominant, take-charge, go after what they want, make things happen men, I wish we males could fight it out instead of being assertive

IN5AN1TY · Answer

They dont, they never will. Its hard being shy, I'm the same. Suck it up and carry on. I've given up on girls,more time to play Battlefield 3 :D

HoldnoPunches · Answer

Man up! Start by talking to girls you know you can get but don't want to and you confidence will go up. Think of dating and flirting like a game ( which it is) if you don't practice it than you will never get good at it.

icanbme · Answer

I just don't notice them.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok, I don't mind shy guys, but I really can't stand guys that can't hold a conversation.

Hartmut · Answer

No future for the introvert.

Anonymous · Answer

Stop being shy that's your problem. If you to shy some girls might think you have no interest or even worse think your gay...

Pancakes · Answer

Because I'm shy as well :P

Ezmotts · Answer

Because two shy people is all bad.

-Darling · Answer

Cuz its gay

Anonymous · Answer

i have no issue with them

SilkSatin · Answer

Love shy men

olylowlife · Answer

Confidence is key

Why do so many girls not like shy guys?

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