My friend of 4 years has always been a private kind of guy. He's never really opened up about his personal life with me, but recently he confided in me and its literally been non-stop ever since. He's telling me things I never would've expected him to tell me. He's being so vulnerable and its having the same effect on me. I'm telling him stuff I've never shared with anyone before. I'm learning and seeing how being so trusting and vulnerable can really be a beautiful thing.
With that said, I'm sure he wouldn't be opening up to me if he didn't feel safe with me. Surely we have mutual trust and respect too.
I am starting to see him in a different light and am wondering if he feels the same about me. Do guys really work that? When you get closer emotionally, I'm feel that's what's happening here, does it generally lead to romantic feelings as well?
When a guy feels safe opening up to a girl is there a good chance he also has feelings for her?
You ladies are programmed very differently from us. You typically open up your deepest fears, thoughts, dreams, desires, feelings, etc for mostly all of your friends, families, coworkers, and acquaintances. You are wired to be more social than men. You have more support groups and family backing than we do, and you are not only expected but encouraged to be open and honest about your feelings. This makes it easier for you to share than us.
We don't do that. Thanks to social conditioning, biology, psychology, personal experience, or some combination of all of the above, guys sharing ANY of those deeply personal things about ourselves historically does not end very well. We spend our lives being told that boys don't cry, men need to be tough, "man up", and our feelings are ignored, disregarded, ridiculed, or (worst of all) used against us.
So we only open up our deepest feelings, wants, needs, and thoughts to those we trust very, very well. Usually that only means immediate family... but if a man opens up to a close female friend he will very likely develop feelings for her... because we are wired to believe that they are the only ones we CAN open up to.
the reasons for women being able to open up more has less to do with "biological wiring" then you're making it out to be. It has more to do with social conditioning, cultural expectations and other environmental factors. Me personally I don't open up to anyone cuz I'm just private that way and I know many men who wear their hearts of their sleeves and whilst these may just be my personal anecdotes - it does demonstrate that biology has less influence regarding this.
I work oppositely. If I'm really sharing my deepest feelings with a female friend I haven't even asked on a date yet, the reason I trust her so much is because I'm not trying to impress her. I'm not trying to win her over as a lover. She is my "buddy". So if I share things that aren't so attractive about me, I don't have to worry about it since I have no goal of dating my buddy.
Meanwhile when I'm interested in a girl, I don't share my deepest troubles with her right away. I'm aiming to impress first, share later, so I'd ask her out, try to show her a good time and impress her, seduce her, maybe sleep together, spend more time with each other, and gradually reveal my most hidden side and she expresses mutual interest in me.
[...] and gradually reveal my most hidden side and [/as] she expresses mutual interest in me.
>> When you get closer emotionally, I'm feel that's what's happening here, does it generally lead to romantic feelings as well?
Again in my case, if I did this with a female friend and shared everything about me, with bare naked truths about me and my thoughts, fears, etc, then it's kind of opposite. I'm doing it because I see no prospect of a romantic future between us so I don't have to worry about scaring her away as a lover.
In my case, if that friend with whom I've showed her "my anus", so to speak, now wants to elevate herself in my eyes to potential lover material, it would have to come about through seduction. Also I might see her in a bikini or something and think she's suddenly looking super sexy or something to this effect, and then that feeling of deep friendship would combine with lust to create a romantic desire.
Opening up to someone does not guarantee that you fancy them or want to date them, I get lots of women and men opening up to me, some would travel 500 miles to come and see me and sit and chat to me in my office about whatever, and pay handsomely for it. Because I am qualified and a good listener, but because they fancy me or want to date me. Some of them want to date me too, but that is usually because they think I will solve all of their problems and make all of their decisions and improve their life, solving all of the things that make them unhappy,. like their very own personal therapist and advisor but without having to pay for it.
What do you mean by feelings? Which specifically? Because he surely has feelings, but they may not necessarily be romantic and sexual.. Because that's what romance leads to, to be on the same page.
He may care for you, and admire you, and value you as a friend. But you have to do something if you want him to sense that you want more than just the friendly atmosphere. If you want romance, start getting in his space more, if you don't already. give him a kiss on his cheek the next time you are standing next to him. You may surprise him, but if he asks why did you do that then you can tell him you really like him
None of this tells you anything. Don't overthink. If a guy confides in you it could mean many things. Don't look on the edges for signs of attraction. Look at the obvious stuff first. How he looks at you, observe it. How often does he compliment you, observe it. Does he hug you, or find excuses to make contact- like brushing shoulders or resting his head on your shoulder? Observe everything closer, then you might find out. To find out if a guy likes you, you have to be more objective and scientific. Remove your desires from the equation. Just because you like him and want him to like you doesn't mean he really does like you when he said hi and smiled at you! Anyway. If he doesn't make a move on you, then eventually you'll have to gather up your bravery in this relationship and make moves on him. The only reason people end up in a "Friend zone" is that they settled for that zone in the first place. Tease him more, act more romantic, try to be flirtatious and try to be dressed to attract him. Trust me girl, you don't have a choice, especially if he's a shy guy, or if he's scared of the fact that you're such close confidants that confessing would ruin your current relationship. You need to get your feelings out there if that's what you feel. The best things lie on the other side of fear, you need to overcome your fear of things changing in that case, and do your best to make him yours!! If it fails, then you need to know there was no other way! You can't live with that heavy load on your shoulders forever, it's too painful and distracting, and if you tried and failed, at least you can move past it and get on with your life after a few teary nights maybe. Then who knows, maybe you'll bump into the one for you, maybe you'll be heartbroken again, but out of 8 billion some people in the world, there WILL be 1 who loves you if you love them!
This is funny as I have been recently experiencing the same warm feeling you do when you open up to someone of the opposite sex and feeling vulnerable.
I've told her stuff I wouldn't dream of telling to my other friends who aren't close to me and she's opened up about things she's never told anyone about before.
Does any of it lead to romantic feelings? Essentially it has crossed my mind a couple of times but, it is better for us to be friends and work on improving ourselves as most of our problems were about ourselves and how we have dealt with life. We haven't actually talked about it, but it's mutually beneficial sometimes to give things time and let it flourish further.
Everyone thinks about it differently though, but I say the more you know the person, the more you'll care and love them for who they are, and eventually things will come of it :)
Likely he wouldn't waste his time if there was no attraction.
Love can't start 'till attraction does. And then there needs to be a conversation.
But don't try to read a lot of meaning into what a guy says or does - it's all out there plain as day. If you want a guy to understand something you have to be clear and direct, otherwise he just doesn't get it. And then you hear her claim, 'he just doesn't get me'. Sure.
I find it amazing that women today can't tell if a guy likes them. With all the resistance to men and masculinity, and them approaching women, they're all just backed way off, so he's just waiting and watching for some kind of sign of mutual interest. If you never show that you'll never connect.
I'm not a guy but I've been in his position before. I've known this guy for years and we are just friends. I opened up to him about my problems and I have never told anyone about this; well at least not in depth. I told him not because I liked him in a romantic way but because I trusted him and I knew I needed to tell someone. I had a therapist and it made me realize a lot of things about myself. I wanted to tell someone to move forward in my life and to let someone know that I don't feel safe in this world. If you really want to know, I'm sure you'll find out soon. You would know when someone develops romantic feelings for you.
I have a friend that in the past we were like that and we tried having a relationship. I wanted more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. She moved out of state and remarried her X husband. Well things went south in her marriage and she moved back to town. I have remained her friend and I still would love to have a relationship with her. I have asked and she keeps saying that she is not ready. I still remain her friend. Yes guys can be like that and more. I hope you two get together and have a long and happy relationship.
Yeah when I feel very comfortable to either a male or female friend then I'd confide with them everything that they would not expect to hear before. I knew it shouldn't be good that you'd share your private feelings with strangers - even your close friends; and hell I never shared mine with my family I have to admit. But yeah to have the opposite sex friend to share the thoughts with, it's awesome. It's how she can understand me more. More sympathy towards each others. Too bad I'd put my trust on wrong people all the time. The most recent - two weeks ago - that girl as I said. I dumped her because she's pregnant with another guy. I didn't really feel wrong completely when I shared my private thoughts with her at all though. Because it already happened, you can't stop it... Wish I have mine a girlfriend that is understandably...
The girls we crush on, we dont open up to. We instead present a polished and rehearsed "version" of our best selves, carefully choosing which traits to showcase for maximum appeal. It's the girls we're just friends with who hears our true inner feelings.
It could be, but not necessarily. Some people are just very open. I know some people that'll tell complete strangers very personal things without giving it a second thought! But also, he could just really trust you as a friend. To know for sure (especially if you are developing feelings), I would ask him directly how he feels about you and if he has feelings.
I had a similar story. Like I tell to a girl "Look, I am actually a BDSM person, my aunt was humiliating and raping me BDSM style all my childhood, even sticking me with burning cigarettes". And she says "Really?"
WTF with you, ladies? This sh1t is from "50 shades of gray", come on, stop listening to the bullsh1t, get smarter already!
I had a guy keeping me as a confession booth. He literally opened up to me of everything he did wrong. At first I saw it as a sign he trusted me and appreciated me. But after he almost started a relationship with me and then just dissappeared, I felt like it wasn't probably a sign of affection. He could not see us together, because he ran away.
No, it can be that he likes you but you should confirm it indirectly in such a way that he doesn't find about this, bcoz if u dont then it can escalate into a bigger misunderstanding and ur relationship will be affected big time, if the case is positive then you and him are good to go
No not necessarily. It often means they don't see you as being someone they would date because they don't care if you judge them negatively for the stuff in their past.
For example, someone with mental health issues wouldn't tell the girl they like about it all cause it would scare the girl away but with a female friend, if she knows, so what? She was never in the frame for potentially dating him so he doesn't lose out.
It really depends. I know as a guy it's so difficult to open up because it's not "masculine". The fact that you've known him for 4 years may make it seem like he's just comfortable around you and knows you won't just blab it out to everyone.
So I wouldn't rule it out that he has romantic feelings for you but I wouldn't bet on them either.
Guys do trusting and intimate things - like having sex - to BECOME closer to a lady. Girls generally don't want to do trusting and intimate things UNTIL they feel closer to a guy.
This could certainly be an example of that general observation.
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Anonymous
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Hmm, it could go either way. I've had male friends who confided in me many times, yet they even had girlfriends. Perhaps it was because I was not their girlfriend or because they weren't seeing them often. One of the guys even called me his "buddy".
I'm not saying he doesn't like you romantically, but there's always the possibility he doesn't, remote as it is.
Not necessarily but possibly It shows that he trusts you and feels safe which is something men seek to have with those they have romantic feelings for But there is no guarantee that this is the reason it is just in the realm of possibility If you have such feelings try and tell him if you are unsure maybe bide your time a little
He might just need someone to talk to, perhaps he took a chance in trusting you :) It doesn't necessarily mean anything though. If you want something else to happen, ask him if he's up for it:) If not, just remain friends if possible :) Good luck!
I am happy that things are going good and little different.. but there are lot of possibilities.. it's not only love... Or it would be one Since you guys are sharing... He'll reach out for you.. good luck
Yes and no. What you are lookig for are romantic and sexual feelings. These things can't be identified with somebody who is getting closer to you as a friend and companion.
You might want to dig a little deeper to find out.
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