Me and my boyfriend were talking and I don't know how but came into a controversial argument and he basically could understand why someone would rape. This bothers me because i think rape is overall wrong and shouldn’t be understood to begin with. He says people argue that we evolved from animals and it’s animal like behavior to rape so that’s where he can understand it. This bothers me so much because him understanding is showing sympathy towards something that’s just so gross and wrong. And In my argument for someone to stoop down to the level of an animal to excuse the reason why rape is ok to them is so stupid because aside from dolphins we are basically the most intelligent species if this was even a discussion about animals and what not. I just really don’t know how to take this in about my s/o excusing rape in a sense.. am i wrong to do so? Am i taking it too personally, or am i taking the argument in the right direction I’m providing screenshots so this argument isn’t at all one sided. I just don’t know how to express to him rape is bad other than “rape is bad” because i feel there’s no in between with it, he is viewing a grey area.
Your over reactinf
Your taking the argument in the right direction
He’s wrong
He is right
Run!!
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+1 y
Thank you to everyone and their inputs, let’s try to stray away from our emotions on this as i am trying myself. I feel like the answers are going both ways on the spectrum whether I’m completely over reacting or I should just leave him. Name calling me or him isn't going to give me answers. Thank you for your time
I think as non-PC it is to discuss rape, it has been a mating strategy for just about any mammal, including humans. It has also been used as a weapon during warfare, among all primates. It depends on HOW he understands how rape could happen. Of course, in our current paradigm of morality, it is wrong, as it violates the personal sovereignty of an individual, but it is far closer to your heart than it is to him. For him, rape cannot happen, but for you, it could actually occur (however unlikely). If he understands rape from a "mating strategy," then that's just evolutionary biology, but if he understands how a guy could rape a girl, by either caring so little for her well-being, or simply hating her (or her group) so much then that's a type of empathy most guys that have interacted w. women CAN understand, but both wouldn't acknowledge, or at least see themselves capable of doing it.
I understand where he is comin from, and agree that it's not terrible to want to understand why people rape.. But his reasonin is totally off.. There's no excuse and shouldn't be any.. It's a demoralizin, and humiliatin act, and can possibly ruin somebody's life..
There are few rational people on girlsaskguys,. This is a genuine conflict so I'll advice you to get a reddit account and post it on a fitting subreddit, like r/AITA or r/Relationshipadvice perhaps?
I dont think you are overreacting at all, for me this is almost a red flag to be honest and I would somehow question if I could date someone like this lol
I would say run away. He is not incredibly emotionally intelligent and you are emotionally sensitive (which is fine, so am I and so are many/most women). A more emotionally intelligent man would not explain rape in the context of evolution, but rather as a psychopathology.
Animals exist to exist. In other words, they exist in order to survive and reproduce and bring more animals into the world to survive. They don't have a drive to buy a house and start a family and make their lives better, they simply survive. So in order to survive, they reproduce, and there is no concept of consent. Rape is sex in the animal kingdom. Just like murder and cannibalism are everyday parts of life in the animal kingdom. Should we say that people who murder and eat other humans are doing so because of an evolutionary drive? No, we say its sociopathic. The same is true with rape. Animals rape and murder because of survival instinct. Humans rape and murder because of evil.
Some 'human' men rape. There is a biological drive to want to produce children, but rape in human beings who have a sense of morality and live for a higher purpose than animals, is a sign of psychopathy/sociopathy. A healthy human man wants to produce children, but he will not do it at the expense of a human female. IF evolution is a 100% fact, humans are millions of years away from the ape ancestor that both them and modern monkeys branched off of in separate directions.
Are you retarded? He literally said he doesn't stand by it and you're saying he does. You are accusing him of being a rape sympathizer. At this point the argument is the least of your worries. You just accused your boyfriend of making excuses for rape. I have been in this situation and it's the most helpless feeling ever. You're the worst kind of girl and I hope he finds someone better.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
You're overreacting and being unfair. He wasn't justifying rape at all. He was just saying he sees why it happens. It's like saying I understand why earthquakes happen because tectonic plates shift suddenly and move the earth. That's not justifying earthquakes or saying they are good or that I think they should happen or that I support the; it's just saying I understand why they happen. There's a huge difference. Cut the poor guy some slack.
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+1 y
Understanding why something happens does NOT mean you support it or agree with it. You are really being silly about this.
Understanding what causes things to happen is indeed the same as justifying it. But rape is bad though, and I'm sure he knows it. I kinda understand what caused nazism. It doesn't mean I'm a nazi. I hate nazis.
Its possible yo both disagree with something but also understand why it happens. It's not to justify the act, more to appreciate underlying reasons. It's an emotive issue. Maybe avoid such subjects if it starts arguments
He clearly said that he understands the human psychology behind it but he also clearly said that he does not support it. It's the same thing as someone will steal because they are broken and understanding the mindset behind that act but it doesn't mean that he will also steal and do robbery. You need to understand it and stop judging him.
It's a red flag. The thing is he wanna say is the following: If a girl is wearing skinny/revealing clothes, it's her fault for being raped, because she should have known better. Because he probably thinks man can't other then touch a naked body. And that's just not true. :) Sure, we might want it, but it doesn't gives us the permission and if you have a normal brain you actually like the idea of consent.
I think Rape is a very serious thing that should be taken as assault, and abuse, rather than taken as an excuse for us evolving from animals... I mean, even Animals don't rape! They engage in reproductive business without harm to one another!
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