He won't admit that he has a girlfriend. Why he won't tell me the truth?

[Anonymous]

I have this guy friend and I have crush on him since we are good friend. I know he care about me when he always look at me with that bright eyes and smile and checking on me for whatever I did. At work, he won't admit to anybody that he has a girlfriend. He keep saying he is single and does not have any girl. Surprisingly, last night I saw him walking and holding hand with a girl. But he did not notice me.

I feel betrayed because we used to be very close to each other months ago and be like literally together at work. He led me on. I thought he might likes me too at that time but he never confess any. Then about weeks ago he suddenly distancing himself from me. I asked him whether he already found someone but he answering me the same, that he is not in laugh.

Why he did not tell me the truth? Why he seems want to keep it a secret from me when he said to me that I am the girl that he trusted the most?

[Anonymous]

My former best guy friend did exactly the same thing. We'd dated before but broke up because we were so much like friends anyway but we were best friends. I developed feelings for him again after like a year especially since he was always flirting with me (looking at me a certain way etc) and making me feel special but he just rejected me and said he's moved on now. He refused to say if he was seeing anyone though. He also said things like I was important to him etc. but he lied to me about this and he kept flirting with me, asked me to send him my photo and told me to come over for movies but he never made any moves at me just acted like he would. Eventually he walked away from the friendship and after that I found out on my own accord that he was seeing this girl and like a couple weeks after he walked away from our friendship they moved in together so they must've been pretty serious all along... He kept it from me 100%. I don't know why a guy would do that. Maybe he likes you more than a friend but doesn't think it'd work out but still wants to keep the option open, or he's just leading you on...

[Asker]

Yes, I think it could be true that he keeping me as option in case if he broke up with his girl.. But hey, that's not nice for me.. Its not worth to wait for him.. I think I better move on then.. Maybe someday I would confess but not now.. I do care about him bcs we trust each other but looks like he rather keep his relationship as secret..

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I think you should do what's best for you and move on from him. You say you trust each other but he lies to you? He should be honest, friends tell each other these things.

[Anonymous]

Just because you saw him with a girl doesn’t mean that she is his girlfriend. They could have been on a date and getting to know each other. You can’t assume that he’s in a serious relationship just because he held someone’s hand. Also it doesn’t sound like he led you on. It just sounds like you have a crush on him and you’re interpreting his actions and assuming he likes you back. Just because he said he trusts you doesn’t mean he wants to date you. He may only see you as a really good friend. Perhaps he’s distancing himself from you because he wants a platonic friendship but you want a romantic relationship.

[Asker]

In my culture where I live now, if people saw both woman and man are holding hands, people would assume them as married couple or a serious couple.

At first I met him, I never had thought to fall for him. But when we are so nice to each other and spending time together with most the time was insisted by him, I accidentally fall for him after 2 months of being clingy. 3 months later, he changed a bit by bit where I can see he showing less interest in me but was still with me.. Finally when it comes to the 4th months, he left me and no longer attach to me and tadaa I went to night market, and saw him with the girl.. Maybe you are right, he likes the platonic between us but not the romantic like I do. But its okay, I choose to move on.. Why must I wait for him, right? If he really wants me, he could ask me already but then he doesn't so, it mean he doesn't.. Thats it.. Thank u..

[Realistic07]

Because he likes you and doesn’t want you to be upset with him for finding someone else could be a very possible reason.

I say ask him straight out like you pretty much asked us.

Also explain the fact that you saw him, and explain how you feel about him.

Keep in mind I’m not saying call him out in public.
I’m saying ask him to step aside with you for a moment in a more private area and calmly ask him.

Most of the time as long as people aren’t put on the spot conversation happens really smoothly and honesty comes out pretty easily.

To be honest asking us why someone we don’t know is doing anything is probably the worst option; because some of the answers may just freak you out more.

Its seemingly hard, but easier, and gets better results to just take it to the source in a proper non-confrontational way; because ultimately it provides comfort in communication period.

Well that’s my opinion I do wish you luck even if you just simply decide to move on without knowing the why’s.

👍🏼

[Asker]

I dont have guts and I dont want to ruin our friendship.. I think he might already know that I likes him but he is not serious with me in romantic way.. He used to reject a pretty girl before and he told me that was because he didn't want any relationship with coworker.. I asked him did you have girlfriend? He didn't answer. Then I suggested him to lie to the girl saying he is not single.. He turn down the girl but he still won't admit if he had a girl but saying he is unavailable.. I dont understand why he really hiding his relationship status.. Maybe he want to keep his options open..

[Realistic07]

That could be a possibility.

That being said let’s examine your concern for a moment.

The other reason to have a chill conversation is to get truth with out having to ruin anything.

Trust me on this from someone who takes things to the source all the time.

It always works out.
Don’t fear the unknown for it being unknown is the very reason not to fear.

I understand uncertainties and insecurities which I can examine by your typing you have at least a few of, yet keep in mind they are in fact only created from your own self doubt.

You have a chance to examine the truth for what it is, or let it slip away in to a distant memory, but time may not be the driving force to maintain any type of friendship and it certainly isn’t the way to seek happiness. it’s only time a passing of life and creation you are the only one that can choose to do anything with your time here.

Ultimately the decision is yours, but do not let fear be the driving force of your decisions.

Have trust in yourself so you can make wise choices.

If you feel you’re doing that now then may life find happiness for you, if you feel it is right to ask then do so prepared for the worst having conquered your doubt.

Regardless the choice is yours meet the decision on your own terms.

[Syrian_survivor]

Maybe be wants to keep you on the sideline so he comes to you whenever something between him and his girlfriend happens, maybe he'd cheat on her with you

He sounds torn though, he might have strong feelings for you and secretly wants you (which is why he says he's single) but he's also trying to resist (which is why he distanced himself and won't confess)

[Asker]

I could see the way he admiring me.. The way he pay attention to me especially when I talking to guys and didn't pay attention to him. He sending mixed signals.. He smile at me and tease me playfully.. He love to talk about personal things with me except about his relationship status.. But since we are no longer close now, he only ask me why I dont talk to him anymore. I was confused because I thought he is the one who pulling away. Why he making me confused. I understand if he torn and unsure about his feeling but that act of him killing me because it making me think of him as a liar and not being honest..

[Syrian_survivor]

Yeah exactly that's why he's torn, he doesn't wanna hurt anyone but he's already in deep shit, he's panicking and doesn't know what to do exactly.

[Mickey9999]

Because he may like you but not enough to break it off with her but too much to tell you he has a girlfriend. Not cool. He’s trying to keep his options open. Now I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they’ve just gone on a couple dates and she not officially a girlfriend yet... it’s a stretch but possible they’re not committed.

[Asker]

So, he trying to keep me in case if he change his mind for me? That maybe good for him but are not good for me.. I am not his or his toy which he could play when he needed and put away if he dont need me.. I feel like he is not honest with me like he used me for all this time.. Whatever, now I am going to somewhere far from him bcs I thinkkng of changing my workplace since he no longer bring me positive vibe..

[Mickey9999]

Go with you intuition. Even if he’s not officially dating her, you’re sounding to be second choice and you deserve better than that

[yucychan]

I mean he is his own person, he is not obligated to tell you whether he has a girlfriend or not, even though he and you are close at work. You might feel he led you on but in the end, he never did told you that he liked you in the first place, did he?
So it's just a sad case of you thinking there's something between the two of you but actually there isn't. There may be some sparks and interests in the beginning but it's pretty clear now, he likes another. And so, I feel you should just move on and focus on yourself. You'll find another.

[rgo84]

The guy doesn't want to hurt you and also doesn't want to destroy the friendship with you. He has feeling for you but he can't express it correctly to you. That's why he is trying to side himself away. You and your relationship with this guy is very important for this guy. Frankly speaking this guy is feeling insecure to express his feelings for you. This is the time you should go ahead and express yourself to him. I am pretty sure he'll accept it.

[Asker]

I have been waiting for him to ask me for real for all this time but suddenly last night, I saw him with a girl holding hands.. It must be his girlfriend though.. So, I am confused and frustrated. Bcs I thought he was into me..

[rgo84]

He might be into you. But the thing is sometimes we guys wants a friend more than a lover. But when that friend becomes a lover that's amazing. Here he likes you, probably he loves you but he is not confident enough to ask you out. As I can understand he is thinking what if you said no, then his friendship will ruin. And he doesn't want that to happen. In this case, you have to take charge and ask him out

[Asker]

So I was supposed to ask him earlier about where we stand for before? But I dont have guts since he always saying not interested in romantic relationship. But thats it. Everything already happened. He got himself a girl. And I think I better leave them alone first. If he really wants me then he could ask me already but he didn't so I know she is more interesting than me for him.

[rgo84]

If that decision makes you happy then embrace that decision and move on. But again if that decision makes you unhappy, then I can say just be a good friend to that guy and tell him your feelings. Anyways there is no harm in telling him your feelings and if that guy doesn't reciprocate, then move on. At least for rest of your life you'll feel good about it.

[MusicMayhem]

Crazy thought but maybe he was holding that girls hands because he was on a date...

Also wtf why are you spying on him with other girls? Get a life! Either ask him out if you like him or move on.

[Asker]

In my culture where I live now, if we saw both woman and man are holding hands, people would assume them as married couple or a serious couple.

Spying just to make sure the truth.. Of course I care because I dont want to ruin the friendship at least trying to not making us turn awkward. Okay, I will move on soon as I am about to change my workplace..

[MusicMayhem]

Great but you need to realise that your culture does not represent how everyone goes about their lives.

Spying on him is just going to make you come across as a batshit crazy chick and a surefire way to ruin your friendship with him.

[spartan55]

If he didn't specifically express interest then he didn't lead you on. Lying piece of shit? Absolutely.

[Asker]

Is faking himself all this time? He used to tell me that he doesn't want any relationship as he is paranoid with girls and want to focus on his career months ago. And nobody wants him as he thought he is not good enough for anyone. Suddenly I caught him dating a girl. Lol whats with all those so called paranoid he mentioned?

[spartan55]

Like I said, he's a LIAR. I wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot pole and you shouldn't either. Also, the things you mention are all spoken In a general sense. He didn't specifically lay all of his lies about him being single on you, he lied to everybody. There was no 'leading you on'. You just fell for his lies like everyone. Stop thinking it's all about you just because you like him.

[Asker]

Okay, I accept your opinion, thanks. Then I will leave him and his girl alone. Watch his game and move on. Plus, I am about to change my workplace. What a coincidence I saw his true colors. Since he becoming toxic for me so its good for me to avoid him then.

[spartan55]

I think that's a good choice. Most guys wouldn't lie about that stuff, and I've never known ANY to go to that extent.

[bella1617]

Maybe he is nit contented of what he have.., maybe he is not serious to that girl..

[Asker]

It could be.. But I am not sure if he already be with the girl before he met me or after he met me..

[puppupper]

Well... he could like you and already have a girlfriend but doesn't want to lose his girl... or they can just be friends and he might be gay which would be why he's so friendly with you and maybe that other girl... he might have a boyfriend but might not want anyone to know?

I'm probably dead wrong but that's just a possibility

[Sahil0815]

Maybe he knows you like him, and if he tells you about her girlfriend then he may lost you.
But he want you be his best friend forever.
Or maybe he trying to flirt with both of you and her girlfriend.

[Asker]

He does ask me why I dont want to pay attention to him anymore. I was confused. If he already had a girl, then why he care for my attention then? It makes me feel annoying. Because like you said, its like he enjoying flirting with me since he used to be clingy and had all of my attention before.

[Sahil0815]

I think he doesn't want you to leave him.
Tell him the truth that you have crush on him but you already have a girlfriend. I think now he can only one who can answer your all questions

[Sahil0815]

Maybe he also likes you but don't want to hurt his girlfriend heart and your's also.
That's why he is not telling the truth to protect both the heart and trust.

[jaju45]

Criminals never commit their crime.
Be strong and brave to take necessary actions. You don't deserve him.

[Asker]

Yup, I agree with that. No worries, I am not really in despair or what, it just that I am upset because he won't tell me the truth. If he tell me the truth, then I nevermind. I sure can be understanding and wish for his happiness. But unfortunately he choose to hide it like a crime..

[Dchrls78104]

Unfortunately some people are liars. They neglect to tell you important stuff about themselves before you pass the point of no return with them because of selfishness. I don't need to tell you to make every effort to avoid such people now and in the future.

[jeni_ad]

Never trust a person who doesn't admit that they have a girlfriend lol

[Asker]

Yes, lesson learned. I should have realized this from the beginning as since the first time I asked him if he got a girl, he just went silent, not answering it and change to other topic..

[Anonymous]

Proving that there's no such thing as "just friends"

[Asker]

I do thought him as just friend at first. But he was really nice and treat me like his gilrfriend during our togetherness before.. And he the one who insisted to do things together until people thought we are couple back then. But now, I begin to doubt to all the kindness he did to me since I begin to think him as user and player..

[Opinion Owner]

There's no such thing as "just friends" hun

IT DOES NOT WORK!

[Thatsamazing]

He might like you, want to have sex with you, or both.

[mikeylarcj]

Because he want more than 1 girlfriend lol

[Asker]

Lol it could be but he said to me once it is not nice to cheat on partner.. Maybe he just acting good.. Its okay.. Going to move on now..

[mikeylarcj]

We all say that haha

[Sofia91]

He wants a side piece.

[Asker]

Am I his side piece as he likes to tease me and won't being honest about his relationship status? I thought he care about me as real friend? Is he faking himself all this time? He used to tell me that he doesn't want any relationship as he is paranoid with girls and want to focus on his career months ago. Suddenly I caught him dating a girl. Lol whats with all those so called paranoid he mentioned?

[Sofia91]

I wouldn’t know I tend to date women. But he’s playing games.

[sandy1437]

Be honest to him and get some more details

[Asker]

I thinking to do that one day but not now I guess.. I want to calm down myself and my mind first and observe him more..

[Sabretooth]

He's scum. Hoping to get in your pants

[Asker]

Then I need to put my wall up to prevent him get through. I thought he is honest to be friend with me.

[Sabretooth]

He showed otherwise

[IreallyhateGAG]

he wants to hit it

[Asker]

Wow what a selfish guy if he really..

[IreallyhateGAG]

Sorry you must be a sweet girl but that is how people are they are users

[Browneye57]

You're wasting your time. Find another guy.

[Anonymous]

He wants to cheat.

[Asker]

Is faking himself all this time? He used to tell me that he doesn't want any relationship as he is paranoid with girls and want to focus on his career. And nobody wants him as he is not good enough for anyone. Suddenly I caught him dating a girl. Lol whats with all those so called paranoid he mentioned?

[Jesse0]

Shouldn't hang around with liars anyway.

[HereIbe]

Why does it fucking matter? Are you a moron?

[AdrenaLynx]

Because that is a cheater.

[PrincessGrail]

Cause he likes you

[cuchithumper]

Maybe he doesn't trust himself