We had consensual sex, I wake up to him touching me?

[Anonymous]

I had sex with this dude, got drunk and passed out so much so i barely remember the night. I wake up in the middle of the night to him fingering me. i wanted to see how long he’d do it before he realized i just wanted to sleep, but he continued until i woke up and said stop. this dude was touching me in my sleep.
i don’t know if that’s enough to say rape.

[Liam_Hayden]

Depends on where you are and whom you ask. If you were drunk when you first engaged, then you cannot give consent in many places. If where you are requires positive consent that could come into play. It is also possible that until you said "Stop." the previous consensual act would consider to still be ongoing as you were still in bed together.

If you ask a RadFem, all straight sex is rape by the man. If you ask me, I would consider it continued consent till you got dressed and left or he did (it is unclear where the act took place) or until you said, "Stop." But there is the added drunkenness factor, so if you were passed out it would be sexual assault. Still the case would be so iffy that no rational DA would prosecute it, and if one did an acquittal would be most likely unless there is more missing from your account.

[InfobotsMom]

It wouldn't be rape in the UK for sure because that is very specifically, penile penetration. It could be sexual assault, however. If you are asleep you cannot give consent. He could say that he thought you were awake. You might have trouble proving otherwise.

I would say that it's pretty dodgy ground to do anything to a sleeping person unless they have given prior consent. It's just safer for all concerned not to take the chance.

[WhiteShoulder]

I am very empathetic when it comes to rape victims, but that's just not enough for me. You fucked him the night before, you were still in bed with him, he stopped as soon as you said "Stop"... I'm sorry. I would not convict on those facts.

[WhiteShoulder]

Actually, that's a good question. Were you wet when he was touching you?

[R4vedave]

You had consensual sex, and he groped you a bit later. It's a gray area, because sometimes women enjoy that, sometimes they don't.

The important part here is that he stopped immediately as you asked him to.

Personally I wouldn't call this rape or assault. Just a bit of an unfortunate circumstance.

[Shamalien]

There should be a different classification for this kind of stuff, seeing as you did consent to getting into that bed and having sex with him, and you are still lying in that bed with him, so obviously the punishment for something like this should not be equal to that of an actual rapist.

[Anonymous]

You women are just itching to accuse men of rape. you put yourselves in these situations by your own free will you get in a mans bed and you get mad when he tries to have sex. You women are annoying as fuck I swear to God. You all want to be victims. Why would get drunk and go in a guys bed?

[Gods_Gift]

You clarify in the comments that he tried this two or three times when you told him to stop, that's rape. I'm sorry you went through this, it'll be seen by some as minor but non-consensual is non-consensual.

[nachosaresexy]

It's definitely bad form on his part but I don't know if those types of circumstances are a legal issue. Did he at least stop right away when you asked him to?

[ridingthelightning]

May have been consensual to start with, but it has to be consensual every time!

[WhiteShoulder]

Yes, but he stopped as soon as she said stop. If I'm in bed with my boyfriend and he starts doing that, sometimes I like it. If I don't like it, I push his hand away. If he keeps going after I push him away, THAT'S rape.

Granted, this guy was a hookup and not a boyfriend, and granted he should have stopped once he realized she wasn't wet, but still...

[ridingthelightning]

Agreed, it's a case of "where is the line". But it's still kinda taking liberties. If she hadn't said stop, would he have done? A lot of "what if's" in there.

[WhiteShoulder]

Yeah, that's true. If she was dry, it should have been obvious to him that she wasn't into it.

[ridingthelightning]

Totes. You're right, not enough there to convict some one. It's one word against another. Just riles me that some people have to be told no, and can't take a hint

[WhiteShoulder]

I totally agree.

[Asker]

dude what? some people are naturally wet people. i am.

[WhiteShoulder]

Okay. I'm dry when I'm not turned on, but not everybody is.

Still. He stopped as soon as you said "Stop"... not rape in my book. But some prosecutors might disagree.

[Asker]

i think i forgot to mention that this happened like 2-3 times again i was drunk and sick not willing.

[Asker]

it was very clear i didn’t want to and he continued.

[WhiteShoulder]

In that case, I agree. That is defo rape.

[wankiam]

well i think you would struggle in court with that one

[Jackblue]

Kind of like the Julian Assange case. You really need to look up legal precedent in the country or area you are in. A lawyer could tell you more than you would ever learn on this site.

[Fuentes]

Im thinking he wanted another round bug gou weren't interested and he thought it was ok because you two had sex already

[oncpl]

It is not rape. And also please stop limiting sex to such an extent where pleasure become fear.

[Anonymous]

Why are some women so desperate to find something they can call rape these days?