Why do I get jealous when my guy friend does not pay attention to me?

[Anonymous]

I am just his friend of 3.5 years as I do not expect more as we are totally different ( different background, family values, life). I get annoyed when he does not answer my call or my msgs. I am usually the first to reach to him but he contacts me only when he does not hear from me for a while. He spends more time with his other friends, girlfriend but not with me. I told that I do not expect him to call and talk for 30 mns but at least he could call and just ask me how I am doing. Is it wrong of me to expect him to call me more often since friendship is a 2 way street? He called me his best friend girl but frankly this is hard to believe. What should I do?

Updates

+1 y

I decided that this friendship was not worth saving. I am just tired of his attitudes. I have been the best friend ever but he does not realize it. I also have given him chances over and over but this time, I am done with this friendship. It is OVER.

Updates

+1 y

I did call him today since I emailed you why he tells me he is busy yet he spends time with anyone else. I was like you never answered my question. he acted like he forgot and was trying to be nice but I am no longer easily managed. I will keep you guys posted.

Updates

+1 y

i think that I like him. thanks guys for all your replies.

[tarkan]

are you falling for him? because you might have not realized that yourself... anyway even if you said you are not into him that way I can still believe that. been there done that, I personally hate it when my friends only talks to me when they feel like they want to, especially when they pass in front of you and sometimes don't even bother to smile or look (what kind of friend is that btw) I have this 1 very close guy friend, he's being very supportive to me and seems like enjoying the time of his life when we hang out together. but when we are far, it seems like I am the only one interested in keeping the friendship alive, nvr reply my sms, nvr give me a call, no email, not even PM in FB asking whether I am still alive or dead. who knows why these kind of people does anything? *sigh* honestly honey, I feel for you. Then again, I believe you got jealous because you do have a thing for him, maybe even the slightest of all :)

[Asker]

Yes, I like him but I do not want to be with him. I am a jealous friend so imagine what I will be like as a girlfriend. we both like each other when we first met. The problem is that he thinks it is OK to call me or answer my phone when he feels like it mostly because he will call back if I say I have something urgent to ask him. I always answer my phone when he calls so why can't he do the same? it is not like I want him to call him 24/7. Thanks for sharing your experience with me.

[tarkan]

no prob, at least I also get to know there are other girls out there who face the same thing like me. I don't know but maybe the way guys shows their affection in friendship is totally different than the way ladies does. guys are mostly more actions less talking and as for girls, vice versa. I have been told that sometimes when they don't contact you it doesn't mean they forget about u. some guys can really be insensitive over this kind of matter... it's irritating I know :( but don't worry much :)

[teardrop06]

I have had a friend that is a girl get mad when I hung out with another grl. she is my bff and we are both str8. And I have been jealous when she hung out with other friends w/out me. This type of things do happen.

[Redredrose]

the guy I like doesn't have a girlfriend BUT he does answer when ever he feels like it because he knows we'll allow him to be like that. We enable the behavior, to be a pushover, and it sucks. It takes everything to stand up to them but you're still weak in the knees for them. Sigh.

[teardrop06]

I have notice too that this happens a lot but guys have to realize that many gfs do not like guys with best friend that is a girl. Too many girls take this as emotional cheating. So maybe his girlfriend is convincing him to do other things other to hang with you because she is jealous. I had a problem with this with one of my guy friends. We didn't talk for almost six months because his girlfriend thought he was cheating on her. Yet, when we hung out all he did was talked about how much he loved her.

[Asker]

I do not see why she will be insecure since I knew him before they started to date. He told me many times that they are not perfect for each other yet they are still together in a on off relationship. He likes to talked about her whenever I asked him what he is doing like he wants me to get jealous. But this time I rather move on and look for other friends.

[teardrop06]

I have known girls that have gotten jealous of me because their bfs would tell me everything and I knew the guy before the girlfriend. Many girls see it as emotional cheating. I am not saying all but a lot do. One of my friends got mad at her boyfriend for telling everyone how he feels about her but he never tells her. This hurts her because they live together are engaged and have been together for 3 yrs. The girlfriend likes to know that they are the one their bfs turned to when they need to talk about their feelings

[jaspppylvr]

you like him and yet don't really realize it...and I believe vise verse, when you go ghost for a little he wonders about you and comes looking for you.. and when he don't answer you, you get annoyed...its only normal to feel something for someone..they say the best relationships are the ones that start off as "just friends" but sometimes when you go past that line you can also loose a good friend for ever if it don't work out..i think you guys should sit and talk about it.

[zeroth88]

did this happen after he has a gf?

It kinda does look like you like him. Are you jealous with other friends in general or just to him?

Can it not be that his girlfriend can get jealous too?

Best friends between a girl and a guy does happen, almost like an affectionate couple without the intimacy. Now that he's showing affection towards another person, or people, you feel he had forgotten about the times both of you had together.

Will it be OK if he mention "remember the great times we had together"?

You can fallout with him or you can be the "best friend", take the comfy back seat and be there when he wants a shoulder to cry on.

btw, I was in the same situation, for me all it took was a date between two great friends and the realisation that yes she has a boyfriend, but no she hasn't forgotten. Trust me, aim for a guy and talk with your girl friends and watch the change become easier.

[Asker]

yes, I am jealous when he comes to him but I cannot ever be with him due to differences in relationship. I am not sure if she is jealous but I do not envy their unstable relationship since anyone can tell that they are just friends not true loves. It will be OK if he says:" remember the times we had together" but thanks god that he does not share his feelings with any girl. I stopped contact with him and I told him exaclty why. hopefully, he will get the idea.

[zeroth88]

Its been 2 months. Having read your updates and comments, I say your moving forward. Kinda like coming out for a gay person =). Have that "date" with him. Or if you prefer, have that "catching up between close friends over dinner" with him. You know how you feel, the question is how does he feel towards you?

[Asker]

Hello. I am moving forward. Thanks for asking. I just decided to ignore him.

[ZenSpace]

Honestly, I think that deep down you want this guy. I think sub-consciously, you view him as more than a friend, and that is why you are jealous of his girlfriend.

You may tell yourself you are only friends, but you are not acting like that, your emotional responses indicate he is more than that to you.

Thats just my gut feeling on this.

[Redredrose]

I agree. You poor thing, it's frustrating. :(

[Asker]

I cannot tell since I never had a boyfriend before. But I think that it is possible. I am upset at him if he does not call me whenever I do although he has a on and off girlfriend. Any idea on how to deal with this situation?

[Ytaen]

Actually I am really thankful to know your story. I am going through same thing it's it's not been that long it's been like a year knowing him him but like since last 2 months we got emotionally too close and I get really jealous and feel weird whenever I hear him hanging out with his girl friends or talking about his crush. And he is always there for me when I need him. He will pick up my call if I say it's urgent. He also doesn't text me or call me because he misses me he just comes to check on me if I go missing. But after knowing your story I am grateful to know I am gonna ignore him right from this moment. I don't care what happens to us. But his relations with other girls make me feel worse. Also I don't want to be in any kind of relationship with him so better I just stay away from him. Also I am so very happy to know your story thanks a lot for sharing it. Before I totally fall in love with him. It's so better so stop now. I decided I will not talk on calls with him even if he asks. Also I will ignore and not even read most of his texts to reduce communication. Better start right now rather than increasing the headache for later.

[aditya03]

girls seek attention

maybe initially he gave you a lot of that

but now if he is doing that with someone else that's making you feel uneasy

its a natural behavior

[ange_25]

men hate pressure.even if it is your boyfriend.brother,nephew,cousin or friend!

remember that.and of course its obvious that you like him!this is OK but he has a girlfriend and maybe he understood that you like him and he doesn't want to have problems with her that's why he doesn't answer or call too much..

[Blackkid2011]

"I have been the best friend ever but he does not realize it." - You're crazy as f***; I am so happy you're not on my team.

[Asker]

what does this mean? I am not crazy and you will be honored if I were on your team.

[The_Black_Republican]

Who seriously ends a friendship over something like that?

People grow apart sometimes, doesn't mean you have to take him off your Facebook friends list. He doesn't have to be your #1 friend. I'm sure him at his worst is better then most of your other friends at their best.

[Anonymous]

you like this guy and are disappointed that he isn't returning the same level of interest. your feelings are hurt but he may not know how you feel so he thinks you're blowing it out of proportion

[jwoww22]

it is totally normal. I hate when my best friend who happens to be a guy doesn't ever call or text.

[Asker]

how do you deal with him when he finally contacts you? please let me know. thanks.

[wonderingwhy]

I think that this is common, BUT as soon as you get a boyfriend the friend will probably just get in the way and naggy/annoying.

[Asker]

thanks for your help

[Anonymous]

Cause deep down you want his d*** inside you lol

[Asker]

Sorry, I do not think so. I am a virgin and will stay virgin until I married. Thanks.

[Opinion Owner]

Well good for you. I'm waiting too, was mostly being a sarcastic a-hole.

[Asker]

it is OK. I am glad to know that are other people who wait until they get married.

[wonderingwhy]

You like him.

[Asker]

yes, I like him. I used to love him more but then I can see that we are better off as friends. I am afraid to ruin a friendship if we ever date.

[Summersunshine44]

You like him.