Why is he such a player?

[Anonymous]

So, I like this guy that I didn't even know at first, then we started talking getting to know each other, and bonding. All my friends said that he was hot, but a player. I confronted him about him going out with 4 girls at once(how is that even possible?) and he admitted doing that. He told me that he really liked me and that he doesn't want his past actions to affect "us". I believed him and he hugged me and whispered "I love you". Then the next day I see him and he completely ignores me. No eye contact what so ever. I of course , being the stubborn laid back person didn't mind talking to him. Then a few months later when I finally got over the fact that we were not going to be together, he comes back and talks to me. He told me that we weren't going to work out and that he didn't like me anymore. I wasquite shocked that he had the nerve to do that considering that he hasn't talked to me in 4 months. So I told him that I got over him a long time ago. But when I said that, I saw a quick flash of pain in his eyes... I know that sounds stupid.. but I did . He kind of looked at me and just walked away. At this point, I'm totally confused. Care to elaborate anyone?

[rachiee]

He's not worth your time or energy to even think about how he feels. If he cared about you and liked you then he would have made the effort instead of letting you walk away four months ago. You telling him that you got over him quickly was a hit to his ego which is why he acted that way. He sounds like a player and players always hold their ego up high and take any hit to heart which is exactly what he did. He doesn't care that you got over him quickly, he cares that a human being with a vagina wasn't hung up over him and hoping he'd come back and make things work.

[ayla79]

I wrote an answer which for some reason was not displayed but rachiee gave you exactly the same answer I did.It was an ego thing. The pained look was exactly that. You made him feel that he is not "all that" and that there are women out there with standards who won't fall for his "I love you" lame lines.It doesn't matter whether you were upset or not.You did a pretty good job showing him you didn't care and he couldn't believe it.He was looking for confirmation you actually cared LOL

[sonic241928]

You ask, "Why is he such a player?"

My question to you is, why does it matter? It didn't work out, he told you that he was no longer interested, and you know intellectually that a mature monogamous relationship would be impossible with him.

I'm curious though, what made you like him so much? I've heard of countless stories like yours (i.e., girls falling for guys who have a "player" past, and continuing to like him even when he shows signs of disinterest).

[Asker]

Because he made me feel good about myself. I felt like I was worth something when I talked to him.

[sonic241928]

That's problem number one. You should NOT need a guy, no matter how nice/hot/cool he seems to be, to make you feel good about yourself. What happens if he cheats on you, leaves you--how will you feel then?

You probably know this, and I'm not trying to beat up on you. But get into your hobbies and interests and find something (better yet, a few things) to do that you're passionate about. It will give you a much better, long-lasting self confidence, and you'd make a better girlfriend.