Shy, quiet men generally prefer or do best with other shy, quiet women? Opposed to assertive, louder women?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to make a huge generalization, I know. But what have you noticed they prefer or what do you (as a shy and/or quiet man) prefer?

[loveslongnails]

Why does "assertive" get paired with "louder", as if they belong together? Assertive women are seldom loud. They don't have to be because they know how to get their point across in ways that men understand it. Loud women are often quite obnoxious and dumb, which is a trait that no man likes in a woman. Assertive women don't intimidate me. In fact, they challenge me and I like that. Loud women are just annoying.

So to answer your question, a shy guy could do well with either an assertive woman OR a similarly shy woman, but no man really likes a loud woman.

[Asker]

No one said they belong together by default, but I strongly disagree with you. A lot of assertive women are loud, opposed to quiet. And I love how you are pairing loud with obnoxious and dumb. So making assumptions and pairing traits together only works when you do it? Hmm, that's cute.

I'm both assertive and loud, and I'd say most assertive women I have ever known were definitely not quiet. We can surmise a spectrum of what loudness is, it's not a one size fits all, but many many assertive women are louder than women who fit the shy and/or quiet mold. Quiet, assertive women do exist, but I'd actually hypothesize that it's much less common than being assertive and not quiet, based on all the women I've known in my life. (Or people in general, for that matter.) One of the most obvious reasons for this is that being shy is related to or directly the result of a fear of judgment/insecurity. Not all quiet people are shy, but many (maybe most) shy people are quiet. So at the very least, a huge chunk of the quiet people are by definition much less likely to be assertive. Also, many adults who are louder have a childhood history of fighting to have their voices acknowledged for different reasons. This may be one cause for being louder, as a way of insisting to be heard, and is by definition assertive. There are pretty valid patterns or correlations between being louder/not quiet and being more assertive.

And none of the loud women I know have had trouble with men, just FYI. I'm just always weird about shy/quiet guys. I feel like I would be too much for them, but then a lot of my friends are introverts and/or quieter so I don't know.

[loveslongnails]

It's good to strongly disagree and have civil discourse, especially if you find it cute :) :) .
Perhaps we have very different definitions of what "loud" is, or means, and how it plays. My definition of loud simply has to do with "volume and decibels";how much noise you make. Is your voice raised all the time when you are making a point, or a statement? Does that person always have to heard above any other voice, again in terms of volume? That's loud to me, and aggressive, NOT assertive.

My experience has been as I described. It's rare that I've encountered that kind of loud with a lot of smarts. By rare, I mean I can think of one instance in a 100. So yes, I fully admit that my "assumption" is based entirely on my many experiences with people who are "volume loud", for whatever reason. They all seem to have a need to be heard, but I don't hear them saying much worthwhile.

Both of our experiences are entirely anecdotal, and mine are very, very different than yours. I find that assertive people remind me very much of that expression associated with the great Teddy Roosevelt, though I believe he copped it from someone too. LOL "Speak (walk) softly and carry a big stick". Thanks for your reply, it gives me thinks to ponder.

[serious]

Shy men and shy women coming together? Okay, that can be good but can also become awkward as neither of them will take any initiatives. Hence one of them will have to be just 5% less shy in order to make things interesting.

There will be high compatibility though.

[kaylaS91]

Probably because guys assume that if a girl comes off as shy/quiet, she'll be really compliant in doing things exactly how the guy wants to. So... minimal effort on his part and he'll get what he wants (or so he assumes)

[mikebeckers]

Judging by my previous relationships/dates I tend to look for assertive women.

[boggboss]

Incorrect no relationship will happen if both are shy and quiet

[gramatike]

I've seen plenty of newly engaged couples that are equally shy and somewhat awkward. I dated a very shy girl that at the time "wasn't" into shy quiet men, but once we broke up she got engaged to a shy man, I know this becuase he's my friend.😬

[gabrial97]

As a shy dude, i really don't care. As long as they are energetic

[Cowboy6666]

I'm shy myself I prefer a girl shy in public louder in bed 😂

[lonromero0625]

I've noticed that
((They say opposite attract))

[Anonymous]

I don't think it matters.

[Fuentes]

Nope