Should I say goodbye to just being friends?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy for a few months and he was everything I have ever wanted. But I let my insecurities from being cheated on in my last relationship color how I was with him. Because of this and him typically having friendships first before he dates someone he wanted to take things slow. In order to honor this one weekend I told him I was taking some space and creating distance between us because I knew that my feelings for him were strong and that’s why I was acting the way I was. I saw this time as hitting the reset button on myself. But on our next date he ended things, told me that he valued me, and wanted to remain friends. In the past guys have said this but never really meant it or followed through and ever contacted me again. He did. We have now seen each other twice since that date and his vibe has completely changed. It’s cold in a way. Even though after that news I continued dating other guys, tonight I realized I still have feeling for him. Should I tell him how I feel and offer for us to try again? Or just tell him that I’ve realized that because I still have feelings for him, I can’t be his friend? If we did try again, I would be willing to continue with this new foundation of friendship and we could take things slow. Part of me after seeing him twice now feels like he “just isn’t that into me” anymore, so it wouldn’t do any good and I should just fade out. What should I do?

[WindAtMyBack]

You guys need to talk. Seriously. Be honest with each other and get it all out. Be prepared for whichever way it goes.

It's not clear from what you said why he backed off. You guys really need to talk, and talk honestly. Talk never hurts, just let it all out. Hopefully he will do the same.

[Asker]

He never told me why. I was so shocked by the way that convo went down that I didn’t think it mattered at the time. I recognize that I needed to changed and I have. I wish I was where I am now mentally when I had met him. But you can’t change the past.

[WindAtMyBack]

That's why you need to talk. It sounds like there are things not being said by both of you.

Communication is a big part of a relationship. If you can't communicate now, why will it change in the future?

[Asker]

Thank you, your advice is helpful.

[FoxnEagle]

"Or just tell him that I’ve realized that because I still have feelings for him, I can’t be his friend?"

Would be my suggestion. You're interested in him, if you keep sticking around hoping he'll change his mind you'll be disappointed and feel worse when he gets a girlfriend. If you don't believe me, just wait until someone asks it on here, happens every other month or so...

[RachelBrooke]

Not to tell you what to do, but slow sounds like a good suggestion. Sex is important in dating and relationships, but it’s not the only thing.

[exitseven]

All you can do a t this point is tell him what is going on with you. Don;t be weird about it, just mention that maybe you made a mistake and you would like it if you could try again.

[Wise4myage]

I say cut him loose for good and move on.

[anylolone]

If you want to fade out, fade out.

[Anonymous]

Don't push him away yet