What my boyfriend has in his mind?

[Anonymous]

I have been in a relationship for like 3 years now.
It's not bad but not that good even.
He's suffering a lot. Be it his parent's divorce or the loans or the job. Everything is messed up for him.
I have always been there with him.
And I also try to help him in solving his problems.
But the thing is because of all the frustration that has been piled up in his mind, he forgets who I am to him and just starts blaming me for nothing.
I just feel he's venting everything on me because I always try to stay calm and understand him even when he's angry or frustrated.
But it's just getting worse.
I know he's not doing good with all the problems but I don't like it when he just treats me like I am nothing to him. And starts venting things on me.
And the hardest part is... After he calms himself from this frustration, he really feels sorry for behaving that way.
I don't understand what to do and how to help him overcome all this stress and frustration or else should I even stay with him or not.

[SueShe]

That is the typical behavior of a person that knows that he/she can vent on another person because this person is aware that the victim will not oppose any resistance.

It is a kind of weakness of character of both of you. His weakness is that he cannot control his anger and frustration and your weakness is that you cannot say no and put a stop to his picking on you.

If he realizes that you will no longer accept his idiosyncrasy, then he will stop. It is not fair towards you to unleash his frustration because the more he does, the more you "swallow" everything until the time when you will no longer be able to accept this nonsense and that you will leash out at him.

He should seek help from a professional about anger management and about staying in control of himself and not to blame others for his own problems.

[Asker]

Is there something that I can do so that I can stop him venting things on me?
Because it's mentally exhausting for me to solve my own problems and also listen to all this stuff.
I just can't stop worrying that's the reason why I just go back to him once I'm over it for that moment.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You took the words right out of my mouth. Well said @SueShe

[SueShe]

The essence of a relation is in communication.

If you feel that the situation is tense, why don't you make a list of topics you feel both of you have an issue and besides each item, you bring a reply that you think would help the situation. Then ask him to do a similar list and also to write down how he sees improvement.

Then you sit together and attempt to find a consensus, bearing in mind that none of you should be angry or upset. That would falsify the outcome and rather than to help, this would only make things worse. Also, trying to impose one's view onto the other is not the right solution because the one or the other is under pressure to act on that imposition. Good luck.

[SueShe]

@CallmeTheKnight thanks

[Asker]

Thank you!
I will try to apply this and see how things will go from now onwards.

[SueShe]

You do that and just tell him that you are not the one he can hammer on to vent but that you have feelings too that need to be addressed and taken into consideration. A late apology is not resolving the core of the problem.

[Asker]

Sure

[Jxrdyn_13]

Suggest a psychologist or counsellor for him. Recommend some antidepressants e. g. fluoxetine. Once he's feeling less stressed, put some boundaries in place. Tell him that when he's upset, to just leave the room instead of pouring his problems onto you. You have every right to not want to know every little aspect of his life especially if its negatively affecting your mental health

[Asker]

The problem is we don't even live together or meet often.
That's the huge problem.
He just blocks me everywhere and just makes me more and more worried.

[Honesttguy]

Set boundarie. I wouldn't take other people stress on me got lenty of my own.
Ask him when his venting on you "You want me gone? Im not stress pillow" if he can't deal with job stress then he will be like this forever. And then choice is yours on what life you want.

[Asker]

He's like I don't want to be with you
And I don't understand if he's saying this out of his frustration or what.
Because he surely feels bad doing this later.

[Honesttguy]

Sounds like depression, it often comes with stress thus makes him feel crappy feelings. Probably reaches his exaustion and relationshipa require energy and thus he feels in moment that he can't take it anylonger but all he really needs is some rest and get energy lvls up. Thus later able to think clearly relizes that he just bursted out nonsense. Cus brain is not functioning when its stressed and exausted.

[Asker]

So is it fine to leave him alone for sometime?

[Honesttguy]

I usually need some time on my own to recover from stress or depressive days. Last thing I want is to talk to other people cus I know im gonna say bad stuff. Works for me, to keep balanced.

[Asker]

I hope it works for him as well.

[TheDeathless]

Suggest therapy and leave if he refuses. There is no reason for you to stay through abuse.

[Iron_Man]

Why can’t you sit down and talk it out

[Asker]

He's not really in a position to listen and understand.