Why do guys keep doing this to me?

[Alyssa11]

So I’ll meet a guy, we start texting, and then he doesn’t respond for hours and hours. And then he’ll post that he’s doing something or open my story.

It actually upsets me because it shows they don’t want to talk to me. And it keeps happening with different guys.

Why do that?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you guys. Honestly this made me quite upset today so thanks to all of u guys!

[Shizunk]

I find it fascinating how obsessed some women seem to be with the immediate response and attention. Hours? I mostly respond once a day. Or I may spend an evening chatting with a girl and then I will go do something else. I may check updates for 30seconds, or share a link somewhere (back when I still used such social media). But I certainly won't bother sending a five word reply just to check in with someone few hours sooner. I will have the time to send a bit, but not have a valuable conversation. And I do not value empty phrases just to keep someone occupied every couple minutes. I would be open to negotiation about this and perhaps respond more often. But for me larger chunks of time spent talking are much more valuable than frequent but empty communication. So unless I explicitly promised to do things differently, I tend to want to condition women to expecting my attention at a certain time during the day, but not all the freaking time. Doesn't mean I don' like them. It means I value communication differently and in different doses.

[Shizunk]

So by default, I will behave much like the men you describe and think it is perfectly reasonable by default. If a woman told me she wants a reply more often, I would be happy to oblige, but then I would ask about precise expected frequency and amount of words she want, because at that point, I am doing that for her, not for my own enjoyment.

[Alyssa11]

Yes but you have alternative methods of communication. That’s understandable. In this case our only method of communication is through texting. That’s where I get how he feels about me. That’s all the effort and time he’s putting into me. And he’s not putting it and it makes me sad because I realise he doesn’t like me.

[Shizunk]

Not really, often with texting I behave the same. Or used to until recently anyway. You could expect many texts in a few hours in the evening and then nothing for a while. And again, I don't think it necessarily means he doesn't like you. It means he doesn't mind not texting and doesn't realize what it means to you. Unless you explicitly told him to write more often and how much it means to you and he still didn't. If you don't complain, pressure or nag, it is always better to ask for what you want instead of assuming men understand your feelings without you telling them.

[Alyssa11]

I dont know I guess

[Jamie05rhs]

"it is always better to ask for what you want instead of assuming men understand your feelings without you telling them.". THIS.

[ohshee]

Well maybe look at it at a different point of view. For all the guys that have done that to you before you know that it is not going to work so they say there is a higher power there is your angel. And let's say your angel had somebody all picked out for you so these guys just prove to you quicker then later that they're not the right guy for you. And I don't know if I'm saying what I'm trying to say and if it's making any sense LMAO I think what I'm trying to say is that sometimes when negative things happen in our life if we really look at it it's really a positive. But we don't realize that until months down the road.
So in saying All the Above
I had to ask myself but I really like somebody, I'm in contact with them all the time.
Not unless I have a crazy week like I had this week cuz I don't think I was in contact with anybody LOL
I've noticed in my life that when things happened that I dislike I just let it go as fast as I possibly can
Because no matter what it is that has happened to me somewhere down the road I see the blessing from it in a roundabout way so and understanding that I don't really get pissed off anymore
But then sometimes I think about things too deep to I don't know I think you'll find it a balance bike all I know is that every guy that does that to you. They're just a fool. A big fool

[LinaDaGoddess]

It depends on their intentions and where you’re meeting them… Also keep in mind texting was invented so there was a quicker way to rely a short message… They weren’t intended for us to have conversations.. I feel the longer the messages guys lose interest or get distracted.. they usually pick a few sentences and respond to that… or in the beginning they’re doing everything to get your attention and it kind of fades out. From my experiences, those are the guys who want sex..


Maybe look for someone who’s more interested in hanging out in person versus texting.

[StormyWinter]

In my experience guys who are online and chatting are either horny or bored, not searching for some amazing connection, if you're not willing to put out at least on some level they get bored, or they actually have to do shit, guys aren't glued to their phones either...

[Pyrofox]

We are in the era where I think its now on the ladies to be the ones that need to just be the ones to confirm that. Yes, this what we have is really is a relationship and I want you to be my man in 2021 I think the vast majority of men are just sick of women going around and using men as just free attention.

I think in large part we can blame to a degree Charlie Puth for their hit attention for really waking up a lot of guys up that women, specifically modern 2021 women aren't in the relationship for the love. But more often than not its just for the clout and the money instead. And that really just sour'ed the whole dating community.

Add on what women say and actually want is just confusing. Ya got women saying at one point they are strong independent one moment. And then the next they be crying over can't finding a man who makes "AT LEAST 6 figures" and is over 6 feet tall.

The reality of why he's not giving you free attention is the fact he knows thats what you want. Guys are DONE playing a womans games at this point men are finally playing the games you all have been wanting to play. And not are probably thinking more like chess players. Now more than ever. These games of I want your attention and if I don't get it you won't have sex then conflicts. Men are realizing if what ultimately women want is attention the best way to get what we want then is just control how much of that attention we give.

Men are factual and if you want to play games with the relationship then men will play those games. As most guys enjoy video games.

[dustybiker]

Unsurprisingly, your profile states you are single. Ever thought about that glaring fact? Whose going to listen to all of that? Maybe after your happily married? Do yourself a favor, shake that entire monologue, start fresh. You’ll have a much better chance finding a match.

[Pyrofox]

@dustybiker Thats the thing I don't want a wife >.> If I did I'd get one. So if you want a husband so badly they ya gotta tell them the truth and not let them assume you are just another friend they are just crossing paths with. Its like take some responsibility if you're that desperate to find a man who wants to put a ring on ya. there's a reason what 20 to 30 percent of guys are getting all the girls. >.> Its a no brainer why in the last two years its twice the women compared to men now a days are getting meds for std's.

[Pyrofox]

Most modern women bring barely ANYTHING to the table and are 100% more likely to just walk away with a man wealth. Plus lets be real to date a woman in modern 1st world country the idea is mostly you the man are BABYSITTING the girlfriend. Which to me its like I may as well just go get a mutt from the local dog pound XD. At that point. I'm looking for an equal not a girl who has their shit in so many directions I have to do not double not tripple but like quadrupple duty in terms of looking out for a life. ain't nobody got time for that hot mess. Add on the fact no dog is going to walk away post relationship with about 90% of my cumulative wealth. The reality is that LADIES you aren't a 10 out of 10 unless the men you attract are that. A womans value is what the value of the man they are dating not just their value. If you don't got a 20 plus million dollar diamond ring on your finger you ain't a 1% nor a 10/10 girl. Its simple fact. You don't make your market value the MARKET decides your market value. And if you aren't already showing your market value they you ain't at the top of it.

[jshm2]

Could be you're boring, or too demanding?

But if you've got the same result from different guys then the common denominator is you. Either your sexting game is crap, or you're not making up the ground you think you are.

I had a client on whatsapp the other month, try and arrange an appoint by walking me through a boring text back and forth. I eventually told him straight his small talk was shit and he had to speak to the secretary to make his appointments. Most people would just ghost, as they don't have the cojones to talk straight like that.

[Anonymous]

Yea im kind of feeling that right now. He accidentally sent something saying he loves me but then says he didn't mean to. But i think i love him or am at least deeply falling for him. I kind of hinted by smiling and winking but he got nervous like and kept saying he sent the wrong wording. So later that day i said i was missing him while he was sleeping and I don't know i think i made things weird. Cause i see where he's replied to other stuff but never to me

[Alyssa11]

It sucks honestly

[varan69]

Stop paying attention to all that or leave your phone aside for a while its just toxic and u are just getting in a bad mood. If they text or not is their loss of flirting and meeting such a nice girl. So you do you and let them come to u there's no rush dont u think

[Alyssa11]

Thanks!!

[GaGirls]

They don't know they are doing it. It's a habit they are unaware of. You need someone who is in the habit of gratitude. Someone who notices the best of life and isn't distracted by the mundane or drama of life over the best. I've seen a guy stop doing it after I made it aware and aware that is hurts.

[ItsMeElliana]

i agree with this, its happened to me too

[Somegirl408]

guys keep ignoring me aswell, its so annoying. like been speaking to so many guys, i just want a boyfriend is that too much to ask

[Alyssa11]

same sis smh

[MCheetah]

Women do that all the time. Abruptly stop texting you without warning, and then get mad/annoyed if you ask them the next day where'd they go or something. I think this is just something jerks on both genders pull.

[boggboss]

Because they don't want to talk to you for some reason or another possible they are not enjoying the convos or they was only talking to you because they was bored

[boggboss]

Sorry that it keeps happening it's possible u are just meeting the wrong people

[Alyssa11]

Thank you!

[KrakenAttackin]

Like so many women, he is "talking" with 10 other women at the same time. He has his mental list of the women he really wants and the back benchers. When his top women talk with him he communicates with them, when they don't he slides down his bench. Welcome to Chad Thundercock.

[ThumbJack]

Don’t take it personally.

Some people, not just guys, don’t treat text or chat like it’s a phone call. I personally don’t like respond right away to people because I’m on my time. I don’t like people who feel the need to constantly be connected to me.

Meet guys, talk to them, see where it goes. You can’t expect too much of someone you just met.

How does the pattern usually go with these guys? Do you guys talk for days or weeks or just hours?

[Fuentes]

I find that to be retardation with people, they chat with you then don't respond but watch your stories or post or log into their acc so you know your there. Depending on if i just want sex ill put up with it and then block the chick after or if i don't want sex & their not anyone i really know i will just block them cause i can't deal with socially awkward people or just odd people who are zombies to technology & act like the hardest thing to do is respond.

[ArrowheadSW]

Sometimes people get busy. They might see your text but can't respond right away, and then forget to later. It isn't necessarily a bad sign.

[exitseven]

I can see why texting causes a lot of problems in a relationship. You never know what is going on on the other end. I try to accept that it is one of the limitations of the medium. Somebody could be genuinely busy or maybe they just don't care. If you start thinking like that it will just ruin the relationship. Maybe because I am old and remember writing letters to my girlfriends and waiting for days or weeks before getting a reply.

[NewgodX]

I think you must work on your communication skills
Also that people are people they may lose interest in people after a while it'd natural nothing to worry about

[Relux47]

I could never do that to you, would it start to get annoying if I texted back right away all the time?

[Alyssa11]

No that would be a good thing because at least I know you wanted to talk to me

[Relux47]

Okay cool 😊

[belle_kai]

I think because it's social media there are so many distractions and choices. Maybe meet a guy outside of these platforms and there are guys that aren't on many sm sites

[jasco]

Mm I don’t know, who knows it may be them or it may be you who knows

[jasco]

From what I know of you tho you seem to be a good catch maybe. So who knows it may be just the guys your going after

[Alyssa11]

Thank you!

[jasco]

Hope you find a guy who likes you enough to stay with ya

[Alyssa11]

Thank you! :)

[bighairy1]

Texting is not very effective for meeting and forming a relationship. Never has been, never will be. There are a lot of men in African and the Mid-east who post pics of women and try to extort money for a hook-up (on Twitter & Instagram) - that doesn't work either.

Conversely, time together usually works if there is something there.

[TonyMetal___86]

I really don't know why, it's either they want a sex partner or someone just for fun and they haven't found these traits in you or it might be because you have mentioned somewhere to them that you want love and marriage and bo sex before marriage while they aren't ready yet... etc

Don't waste your time thinking about such people cause they will only bring you more pain, wait till you find someone who truly deserves you 😊

[ItsMeElliana]

probably because he doesn't care about you or find you interesting, or sees a potential with you, better to just move on honestly

[Hassan_8]

If he’s busy and can’t talk he should say that, but just suddenly not responding for hours is really childish.. you should Ignore him too

[t-8900]

You shove them aside and go out with me instead, obviously. XD

[GrahamWest]

Probably they want nudes, and pussy, and You want deep convos, and they got bored.
You have to keep them interested sexually aswell

[Jamie05rhs]

This is something you need to have a conversation with the guy about. If you feel like he isn't giving you enough attention, you need to tell him.

[MrPickles13]

I can't speak for why anyone does it. I'm sorry that keeps happening it always happens to me as well tbh but with girls and it truly sucks and honestly hurts a lot.

[Fireguy17]

as odd as it seems, many people have a life and are not glued to their phone 24/7
I am one of those, plus many times I am in a high noise environment and never hear my phone.
Uless it says 911 I may not get back to you/whomever all that soon.

[DaveToo]

Alyssa, just a simple observation. They're not worth your time. Someone that truly cares for you wouldn't play games.

[CoolGuy7532]

He's probably at work or asleep or playing video games.

[Nazgol]

Because you allow them. Make them understand that you deserve better treatment , and it won't happen.

[spartan55]

Texting every 10 minutes= better treatment
Seem like a rational statement?

[noohair]

Because that is the world of social media. Fake and rude.

[Morgador]

When he texts you do the same and see if it bothers him

[Snsns]

Because guys jus want sex dolls... Or s girl for her Outter appearance... We don't care about you or. you're personality.. we can't be botherd to put in the time to speak to girls cos what's da point?
We jus want fuckbuddys

[AlecTheDued]

i would disagree but hey opinions matter

[Tstrbrainer]

True to some people

[Snsns]

@Tstrbrainer To emotionally dead psychopaths like myself heehee

[Tstrbrainer]

😅😅😅

[dustybiker]

Give people room to breathe and a chance to reply. Nobody wants someone needy, it’s not attractive. Lure, not chase. Make them want you.

[Clarke498]

Maybe they just lose interest or think it has died out.

[Clarke498]

Lol someone disliked it 🤣🤣
Just trying to give help.

[es20490446e]

In my case because I only answer messages at certain times during the day, so I can keep the amount of texting sane.

[Protein_mate]

Texting and talking gets boring, guys just want to get out and talk irl and do something fun

[Zygum]

According to your profile, you want to be single, so you don't care for boys and they don't care for you

[John_Doesnt]

Because you show too much cleavage so they can't concentrate. That's reverse sexual harassment!

[Tanaka_CityBoy]

Not all girls show cleavage

[dustybiker]

Wow, sounding crazy. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

People have a life outside of you and don't want to talk 24/7.

[jimmy2]

Honey i hear you women do it too. One word to help you... scammers

[Tstrbrainer]

Either you are a bad texter or God might be saving you for someone

[rachel776]

guys are terrible at texting

[ImmortalHanma]

Girls are actually pretty bad texters too but we guys don’t really care

[jesuspp1993]

What? You girls are the ones that always do that good conversation vanish for 1 day or don't replay

[dustybiker]

Maybe they learned from boys who do this?

[WowwGirl]

You aren't exciting them enough they are bored

[TonyMetal___86]

If they are bored than why would they give her hope? I believe that a man and a woman should be honest with each other, at least the person will be able to say why the other is acting like that...

[ItsMeElliana]

@TonyMetal___86 no, there are men who give fake hope to women and probably women who do the same too, if she's not interesting enough, he will not entertain it enough

[TonyMetal___86]

@ItsMeElliana that's what i'm saying, why all the lies? Let him/her just say the truth and that's it, no need to play games and hurt each other's feelings...

[WowwGirl]

@TonyMetal___86 we ain't men we don't know

[TonyMetal___86]

@WowwGirl some girls do lie too owlee birdee so it ain't just men, who's honest is honest and who's a liar is a liar...

[WowwGirl]

@TonyMetal___86 wasn't the question

[TonyMetal___86]

What question? 🤔

[WowwGirl]

@TonyMetal___86 the question above silly

[TonyMetal___86]

I answered it already but i was answering and commenting on your comment and elliana's comment SILLY 😏

[ItsMeElliana]

@TonyMetal___86 yeah but whats the use of arguing lol it won't change them, its their own personalities we can't really do anything about it

[TonyMetal___86]

@ItsMeElliana i know but what should be known to others is that NOT ALL MEN are liars...

[WowwGirl]

@TonyMetal___86 I don't think you and many men are liars

[TonyMetal___86]

@WowwGirl i cannot tell about others but i can tell about myself that i never lie and i hate liars and they have no room in my life!

[WowwGirl]

@TonyMetal___86 good that's good. No if I thought all men were liars I'd have no male friends and I have a lot of male friends

[TonyMetal___86]

@WowwGirl And if i didn't knew that you were like that than you wouldn't have been my owlee birdee 😄

[WowwGirl]

@TonyMetal___86 💛👍

[ItsMeElliana]

@TonyMetal___86 Of course not all men are liars. not all men are the same

[ItsMeElliana]

@TonyMetal___86 also Like you're going sooo off topic lol like you're not even going according to the question

[WowwGirl]

@ItsMeElliana t u

[spartan55]

Because texting gets really boring really fast.

[WowwGirl]

Yup.

[Andres77]

🤔🤔🤔

[Andres77]

Maybe change up the algorithm.
Change the input.
If the result is always the same pick different guys.
See what happens.

[Andres77]

I'll add, once they talk to you and realize "doh! She's got standards, this isn't going to be an easy target." So they move on.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you for sharing this with me

[Andres77]

🤗🤗🤗

[msc545]

You are picking the wrong guys.

[Vigors]

I won't do that to you

[anylolone]

What's your issue?

[Alyssa11]

It made me feel like he rejected me

[anylolone]

Why?

[Alyssa11]

Because he isn’t responding to me

[anylolone]

And why is that a problem?
Why does that make you feel rejected?

[Shihab91]

Omg that guy... 👀

[Alyssa11]

Lol which one :(

[Shihab91]

I don't know... 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Shihab91]

Perhaps when a guy is trying to get to know you and you say but you don't how i look like, then he asks to see u. Don't say i want to keep it private 😜 this might push them away

[Alyssa11]

Lol I feel personally attacked loool

[Shihab91]

Sound familiar

[Alyssa11]

Lol it does

[Jamie05rhs]

Shihab has a great point!

[Jamie05rhs]

by the way, we don't do that because we're shallow or mean. We do that because we want to protect your feelings. We don't want you to fall in love with us and then have to reject you. We don't get any enjoyment out of having to do that.

[Shihab91]

🤜🤛 yep

[Alyssa11]

Okay

[Smf1989]

I'm sorry to hear it I would never do that to u

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Yea this happens ho me with girls.

[Anonymous]

Guys dont sit around and talk unless there's something going on like a sports game, a concert, church (if theyre gay enough to attend), etc.

[Alyssa11]

Not really though in the past guys have texted me when they liked me

[Opinion Owner]

Probably cuz in the past you weren 20 fucking 3? People have other shit to do than talk sorry it isn't highschool

[Alyssa11]

No I don’t agree with u. I’m very busy too but I don’t leave a guy I like on read for a day or two.

[cloud9vortex1234]

He has a life.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you deserve it

[MisteryMe]

Really? It's bad enough that people act like hateful little children online because they know people can't do anything about it. Being able to do it without your user name attached to makes it even more pathetic.