Guys, Am I being too hard on my boyfriend?

[heybay22]

so my boyfriend (25) lost is virginity to me. he was inexperienced but i know he’s getting the hang of it.

the thing is he doesn't want to go down on me. he said he wants to but he said he doesn't know what to do. then in changed to “i dont feel like it” then is reason changed to “i will when i am ready”

im scared he won't ever bc i really enjoy it. we have beeb together for 5 months and everything in the relationship is great

Updates

+1 y

i always go down on him :(

Updates

+1 y

im 22! not 25

[NamerOfStars]

Maybe; logically, it depends on what it is that you're doing to and with him. I can't really for sure without knowing your situation, but it's likely to him not knowing how is at least part of the problem. It's kind of intimidating when you don't know, and there are serious social expectations on guys to be competent at everything they try.

It's also tricky when you can't SEE what you're doing, but you can flip the situation around based on that. If he's willing to use his fingers on you, you can teach him how you like to be stimulated when he has a better grasp (::rimshot::) on what he's doing. Using fingers makes it easier to be precise, to vary angles and pressures, and it's less tiring, so he can keep it up longer. And if he's creative, YOU might learn a thing or two about yourself. It does require a certain lack of self-consciousness on your part that a lot of young women don't have, but if you can remember that he's learning to please you, not experimenting in a detached way, it can be surprisingly intimate. And sometimes just plain surprising, if he knows when to bring out the ice cubes (I've said in answers before that there isn't a "wrong way" to have sex, but if laughter's never been a a part of it for you, you're missing out).

Once he's gotten used to that, going from fingers to tongue isn't a big leap.

[heybay22]

i appreciate your response. he tried fingering me like 3 times and i made him stop bc it hurt. every time we end sex he's like “was i good? u didn't like it?” so there's that….

i think this is my fault but there are times when he says he's tired or he gets drunk and even though im riding him he gets soft. …. i have had 8 partners but neither have been long term. this is my first boyfriend so even im new to this. is this normal as well?

[heybay22]

he did however drunk call me once saying he wanted to fuck me and drunk said that he loved me 😂

[heybay22]

its funny bc he's my 8th sexual partner but my 1st boyfriend and im his first sexual partner but 8th girlfriend 😭. b4 we met he said he was waiting for someone special and that he was a virgin for that reason. he is a sweet guy

[NamerOfStars]

Well, it sounds like he at least WANTS to do right by you, sexually speaking. That counts for a lot, even if it doesn't magically solve everything. Incidentally, if you DO find something that magically solves everything, PLEASE be so kind as to tell me; that would save a *lot* of trouble. But anyway...

If his erection is going soft, I can assure you it's not your fault- it's not so much a sign of a lack of attraction as it is of fatigue or intoxication or a medical problem. Or a body part that just doesn't feel like cooperating; I don't think there's a single penis-bearing human over the age of fifteen who hasn't wished it came with a warranty. Usually, ED is a temporary thing and quickly passes; even at a young age, it's not uncommon (especially since nervousness can be another cause, and you usually get nervous when you don't have much experience, which you usually lack when young). Sometimes a little sucking helps, but sometimes, for no real reason, it just refuses. It's not HIS fault, either- well, if he's drunk, he's responsible for THAT, but not that his penis is being uncooperative.

If he's being too rough when trying to finger you, you could try masturbating in front of him and simply SHOWING him what you like; it's usually not quite the same as you like others to touch you (at least it hasn't been with the women I've been with), but it'll give him a place to start. Or just have him start out very gently and build pressure gradually.

One thing I'd definitely suggest is to be careful in how you bring it up: phrase things as a request or a suggestion rather than a criticism. Men are often much more sensitive to that than women think.

[InventorofWarp]

This seems weird. Some people here are saying it's reasonable but I 100% disagree especially if you go down on him already.
I'm a virgin and have never even seen a woman completely naked I didn't have to pay for aside my best friend once. Plus I've never really been naked in front of someone else.
I gave head once and it was absolutely fuckin' awesome. Loved it, would absolutely love to do it again especially for the girl I lose it to. It's fucking amazing giving someone that feeling and pleasure, especially if they've given it to me already.
Someone that doesn't just fucking screams selfish to me and that's not someone I want to be with.

[dudeinohio]

Don't go down on him anymore until he goes down on you.

[heybay22]

mhh ok

[bean2k21]

Try to be more understanding.

[heybay22]

i ask him sometimes and im like ok and i do other stuff etc

[Wise4myage]

Convince him to watch some porn together and encourage him.

[jasco]

He's nerves or he's lying. or both but give it some time

[Hallo626262]

Well if he doesn't like it then he doesn't. You can break up with him you know.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think so. For some people its just not their thing just like some women don't like anal.

[spartan55]

Why did you lie about your age?

[LegendaryIcon]

Why did you lie about your age then

[heybay22]

i didn't he knows im 22 Lol duh

[LegendaryIcon]

no, on here

[Jmmmfi4]

he's nervous