Am I being to harsh on my boyfriend?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together on and off a year and half. He's my first boyfriend but he's been in 2 or 3 serious relationships before me. We got together when I was 19 and he was 27. Now I'm also 21 and he's 28. Just so you get a bit of a understanding of are background. So anyway he'd been working away for 3 months in Canada and he had work during Christmas.

I was a little upset because he missed the Christmas before as well and promised me he'd be around for this one. So anyway everytime I did see him all he ever wanted was sex, it was if he didn't really care about me. He started asking me to do things I didn't feel comfortable with like videos and pics whilst he was a way and I felt pressured to do it to make him happy.

The next time I visited him, I told him for the first time that I loved him. He didn't say it back and I wasn't mad just a little sad and disappointed so I told him I thought it be best we take a break because are relationship was becoming purely based on sex and that I thought he needed time alone to think over how he feels about me. He took it pretty well and we didn't talk much for at least a month till last week we met up he kept telling me how much he missed me and finally told me he loved me back. I was so happy I really thought the brake worked, we had a great day together. Till the next day he text me this.

I replied with this.

He hasn't replied back and is ingoreing me ever since. Was what I said out of line.

America1st · Accepted Answer

The biggest thing you need to learn is that you are not responsible for how he lives his life if you were to end the relationship. He's an adult and will do just fine. If he can't handle being alone, that's on him. What are you going to do? Stay with him for life so he won't be alone? You are not his mother.

I see a relationship that has one person working hard at being a good partner. I see the other not giving back even half of the effort he receives. Think about this... He's fine when he can come get some sex when he wants it and doesn't offer much else. If you really love someone, the easiest time to say I love you is right after your partner says it to you. I don't believe he loves you anywhere near as much as he likes having a young good looking lady to sleep with. He doesn't say I love you until he fears losing you. What the heck is a "happy medium"? Half sex and half whatever? Sex is an important part of a relationship, but it's not near the top of the list of important things in a relationship.

I think he is good at manipulating you. When you are having difficulties in a relationship, you don't make sex the main focus of the conversation in the way he did. You said there are other things your not happy with. Because you love him doesn't mean you have to settle for less than you should be receiving. If you didn't give his age, I would have guessed you were talking about a teenager, not a 28 year old adult. He pressured you to do videos and pictures. A good man that loves his lady respects her wishes if she has let him know she is not comfortable with something. That should come automatically. You need to get the videos and pictures back from him. Be smart and don't do it again. He could get mad at you and then post the stuff on the internet. Don't say he wouldn't do that. There are thousands upon thousands of girls/women who did it thinking their guy would never show them to anybody else. Then they find everyone they know has seen the stuff on the internet and you can't just erase what they have seen. I purposely came on strong in my response. The guy is selfish and doesn't consider how you feel about something that is so personal to you. Instead he pushes you to do what he wants knowing he can get you to do what he wants. You should never feel pressured to do something you don't want to do if you have a partner that truly loves you. Love means you always put the other person first. I hope you really think about what I've said. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but do yourself a favor and at least consider these things. After all, we're only talking about your happiness. I hope things work out for you.

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

To be kind... it doesn't sound like you're on the same track. There may be good points for you both here and there, but I think based on this little bit of sexual info, it's not solid enough. And this whole thing about "I love you" ... and not saying it back? Then he does? It just sounds like shit to me.

Secure1993 · Accepted Answer

Dear Anonymous
My network is failing me I didn't get to see the smses you send to each other but I read ur story. From my point of view from the begining of the story I would say the guy might have been caught up with work as he said but then I believe nobody that love you can be busy for you mybe thats why I always remain single but happy. I always tell my friends you can not tell me you love me but still tell me you busy to make time for me, second a relationship with no proper communication is not worth of the fix. Third this guy it feels as if you pushing him around as if his not yet there were you want the relationship to be. Fourth when someone love you , things flows smoothly you don't need to push hard. Fifth this relationship is wearing you and thats not how one should be when you feel you doing more then the other person it is a concern thts not how someone should feel in a relationship. Women never say I love you to a man first. Two things will occur is either he will b happy and say it back because he love you too or he will be left speachless myb because his not there yet or he feels you looking for commitment when all he wanted was something to keep him off the hook. Never say I love you first when you re not sure of whats in his eyes. Lastly I would say relax and follow yr intuition if he loves you he will surely come back. Some people have their demand to confront each and everyday it might be that his one of those people and you should give him space to think if he loves you he will reach you. Holding somthing tight in our hands might cause damage to it.

hhues · Accepted Answer

People need different things out if relationships, that's likely why you guys have been on and off. You need to discover what love truly feels like.

I think it would be healthy for you to call it quits officially and maybe try taking a few months to yourself to think the relationship through and learn from what you did and didn't appreciate about it.

Something I think is important too is timing. I once had a great boyfriend but the timing was wrong. If I had met him 3 years later, we would probably still be together and making things work. Maybe you need more experience dating and becoming more comfortable with being assertive about your own needs and desires. Your thought process seems very mature for your age, but I think it needs a little more ironing.

He seems to generally be willing to work with you, but you would know best if he is just working with you for now to get you in bed later or if he genuinely cares about you.

I feel like my response is all over the place but I hope you can pull a few helpful things out of it. I'm more than willing to elaborate on any piece.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No you have your standards. I also understand your frustration as if he sexually objectified you and you dont feel like being loved enough.

I see no problem in your text , you express your feelings. Maybe it takes him some time to respond and digest , but if he doesn't respond, he is probabaly not afraid of letting you go

BreakingSound · Accepted Answer

Wow.

You must really want this guy bad.

I mean, you’re literally telling him that you’d like to be treated like a human being instead of a convenient fucktoy and you’re all worried that you’re “out of line”.

cluelesgrace · Answer

I mean it's understandable that sex is very important in a relationship, but it seems like he's only trying to get sex out of it.

reptocarl · Answer

Nope and you’d think you’d learn by now this relationship will never go anywhere. On/ offs never work

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't have approved of this relationship. 27 and 19, is not a good idea. While it's legal, it's just not a good idea

Anonymous · Answer

You guys dont sound compatible he needs a women with a higher sex drive and you need a guy with a lower one men and women have different needs

TonyBologna25 · Answer

That wasn’t out of line at all

EDWINDUNDEE999 · Answer

it won't work out

Am I being to harsh on my boyfriend?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said