I told my boyfriend $13/hour is not going to cut it, am I being too harsh?

[Anonymous]

i can't tell if he just wants this job because he works four10 hour days and has weekends off or he really thinks he can have a family making so little. he knows I want to work and contribute too, but when we have kids stay at home. we both agree on me being a stay at home mom then going back to work eventually. I think to live comfortably we should combined make 90-100,00 a year and that's not a lot where we live. when we talk about this he says he doesn't want to live to work but instead work to live...this makes me think he doesn't want to work a lot and just wants enough to get by. which is stupid in my opinion. I want to tell him to grow up everybody works. so how can I give him a wake up call with out putting pressure on him to find a better job. I want him to make at least 40 a year. I don't think that is asking too much...i plan on contributing that or more eventually. I think he just doesn't get how hard it will be if he makes less than 40. he grew up in the country in a house his dad built, and I'm from the city so he is always saying stuff like city women think you gotta have 100,000 a year to buy groceries. he is joking but part of me thinks he really just doesn't understand what it takes. maybe I worry too much but I want to know what I'm getting into so any insight would be nice.

Updates

+1 y

48,000 bu I'm abou to graduate and will be making more

[2children]

I live in a town, in which the price of living is also high. I have two children of my own. My boyfriend brings home approximately $25,000-$30,000 annually. He is a used car salesman, so it ranges from month to month and year to year. I usually work his days off. which is about two days a week for $8.00 an hour, for 4-6 hours. My daughter is 4 months old and my son is 4 years old. Now, our family receives NO help from the government or any aid whatsoever. We own our home. No one our age has a home as nice as ours. We budget, we coupon, and we make it work. We have no choice, but to make it work. Instead of dogging him. You have two options... One, being embrace it, support him, and make it work. Two, go find work yourself. The saying. "If you don't like it, then do it yourself." Is strongly applied to this situation. I too, went to college. I can't find work, so I patiently wait in a dead end job that pays garbage. Remember, the number one thing couples fight about is money. It's also the number one cause of divorce and break-ups. Keep it simple and live day to day on a budget.

[moaterboat]

I think you are both being unreasonable. 25k a year is certainly not enough to properly raise a family unless you are living in an area with a very low cost of living, which you say you aren't, but on the other hand, 90k a year is not required to live comfortably unless you are trying to live in Manhattan. My guess, and this is just a guess based only on what I am reading here, is that he not just trying to have an easy job, but to try and prove a point. It may be that he is trying to show you that you don't need to make 100 grand a year to live comfortably.

My suggestion is to tell him that if he is going to take this job, the two of you need to make a strict budget. Then sit him down with a pencil, paper, and a calculator, and go through ALL your expenses. Hopefully, once he sees the numbers in front of him in black and white he will understand that "working to live" isn't a good deal if can't buy groceries.

[TheUglyOne]

Well it depends on how old he is and what skills he has. If he is within your age range, and particularly if he is 18, $13 an hour might be the best he can get at first. Unless your family has a business, everybody starts on or near the bottom when first entering adult hood. If he just finished college that's a low wage. But then, in this highly competitive job market, it may be the best he can get. Don't focus strictly on the wage, look at other things, especially if there is potential to advance. A lot of people take low end jobs as a way to get in a door. And it's much easier to find a job when you have a job. He might be taking it just as a means to an end, to keep some money coming in while he looks for something better. What he really needs is your love and support, not your censure. If you, his girlfriend, his love of his life, has no faith in him, how much more so he must wonder if potential employers will?

[Asker]

i understand you don't start out making bank. I just need to make sure he knows he needs to make a lot more eventually. right now he says oh well in a year things will be better, but he will only make 13/hr. like he doesn't understand he can't get a house and start off with that. he needs to find something now so when we do get married he will be able to support and contribute.

[Anonymous]

You seem like a snob and you obviously can get by quite well living on 40 or 50k a year combined. If you know how to budget your money you can even live well. Americans live beyond their means and spend money in ridiculous ways. Respond any way to me as I don't care what your response is to me. I hope your boyfriend leaves you and finds a decent human being. Good luck

[Asker]

we want 8 kids and to build our own house on a large piece of land so we can have a small farm. we want a simple life. but the house, land, and kids are going to cost money. you can't save money in the first place if you don't make enough.

[Ichron]

What is the average salary for his education in your area? I have a master's degree and was only bringing in 43k/yr in my last job. Asking 40k could be a lot when you're talking a step up from what is about 27k.

[Asker]

for what he went to tech school for the average is starting out at 20-24/hr which he has made at other jobs. the trade off with those higher paying jobs is the work hours and that it is all based on the work completed: weather/materials/job permitting. so he got this more stable lesser paying job and thinks it will work forever.

[Ichron]

It sounds like where you are, wages are cost of living are both higher than where I used to work. That makes 13/hr seem pretty low. If you both agree that you will stay home with children, you will not have enough money to make it. Either you have to work other than your maternity leave, or he'll have to realize it's not enough and make more. Even then, if the other jobs aren't as stable, you might still have to work, so don't completely rule that out just yet.

[TurbulentDan12]

I think you're putting it in a harsh way but it is fair to suggest to him that "rising up the ladder" will help the two of you so it should be something he should be shooting for. As long as he is looking to advance in his career that's good for you

[prettymuscle]

sorry but your boyfriend will not make 40k or higher without a degree of some sort or a rare kind of skill. Plus since we are in a recession even with a degree 40k would still be the impossible

[Xx_DRE_xX]

So basically he makes around 50k a year which is really kind of average. I will that a second income would definitely help raise the family in much more suitable conditions.

[Asker]

no after a the raise in a whole year he will only be making $13/hr its like 25 a year. that combined with what I will make isn't that much...

[dayday95]

Your a fucken bitch I hope he is doing your friend right now your so mean 13 an hour is excellent your the one that needs the wake up call buto

[Anonymous]

Well what's his educational background?

[Asker]

he went to a tech school for crane and other heavy machinery operation. he's been job to job making 20+ which is on the lower end unless he travels which we both agree isn't good. this job at the state doesn't even have him doing what he is certified for but he took it becuase of the short work weeks and benefits. he thinks that's more important and once he gets the raise it will be better, but I think he can find a better paying job that has benefits and hours that are just as nice.

[Wayne22]

how much do you make a year?