He didn't reply to my message?

[Anonymous]

I went out on a date a few days ago with a guy who would keep staring at me for months. The date was really good and I loved it.

However, his attitude was off on the second time I met him. He no longer wanted to spend Christmas with me and said he has friends inviting him for dinner.
He did come to see me twice but he wasn't as warm as he was on our actual first date. I think he wanted a kiss but I barely knew him so didn't. But I did hug him and wrote to him that I loved seeing him instantly.

Anyways, he has never messaged me on his own. From the very beginning, I have been the one to initiate contact and he would reply either hours later or the next day. Based on my initiating, he asked for coffee.

Since the second talk, he no longer replies to my messages. I felt that day he was friendzoning me as he was not very warm towards me, his attitude was pretty cold with the only exception that he came twice, gave me a hug and came outside with me.

He said he ll see me in a few days and I was okay with it. Due to the difference in behaviour I didn't message him and I had told him I was going to Boots after meeting him.

Since then, I sent him a text alerting him of the snowfall but he never got back to that message. Usually he would in a few hours or a day. This time nothing. He's not even reaching out on his own

From the very beginning, I ve done all the talking, approaching, initiating to meet up etc. For once, I expected a reply from him but it's like if I don't message or make a move, he won't do anything either.

I really liked his company. We share a lot of the same beliefs and values so it naturally hurts that he's behaving like this.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt hence not blocking him but what can I do? Should I ask to meet him one last time and just tell him upfront? Or just ignore him?

Also to add - he seems like he has s few girls whom he's seeing or whom he goes gor hooking up.

[FlaffyCheez]

Well goes without saying hon.

You already know what it is. Just stop engaging until he engages, the ball is in his park at this point I say. No need to block him or anything it was only 2 dates hon, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. And it's not like he's pestering you.

Just let him fall to the wayside, go ahead about your business as usual. If he ever gets back to you, be genuine about it, if a guy can't stay interested for more than 2 dates and be direct do you really want him?
Let him know how it is, "oh hey yeah I forgot about you too how ya been?" And just casually push him into that friend area, make the boundaries clear.

[Asker]

But maybe I didn't kiss him so he got upset and thinks I friendzoned him?

[FlaffyCheez]

Or maybe aliens invaded his house and he went to another universe with Rick and Marty and didn't make it back until the year 2030 to text you.

Let's not go on with the what ifs and maybes that's a never ending slippery slope. Just know what is... what is... is that he has been giving the cold shoulder, take the hint until he reaches out to indicate otherwise.

[Asker]

But why would he do it? Because I didn't message after the 2nd chat? I want to give him benefit of doubt because I feel he's thinking I'm friendzoning him or something

[FlaffyCheez]

At this point it doesn't matter why does it? Since he has already made the decision himself and followed through with it, instead of asking you or having a conversation with you to know why.

Reciprocate his energy, don't try to manifest something that isn't there.
You showed him you were interested, if he was confused or doubtful he should have asked, he didn't.
There is no reason to give him befit of the doubt because there is no doubt he made a choice lol.

[Asker]

But how can I say he made a choice by not replying to 1 message?
I know he should have followed up but at this point I don't even know if he wants to meet unless I ask him?
He has never really initiated anything himself

[FlaffyCheez]

You can say he made the choice by giving you the cold shoulder on the second date. You can cement the idea by not replying to one message and just simply keep living.
No one is saying to write him off.
Just don't keep dwelling on someone who is not too worried bout you hon.

The fact that you don't know if he wants to meet unless you ask, girl he has your number right? If he wants to meet you he will ask you... if he doesn't know or is too insecure to get what he wants then why are you worrying?

[Asker]

It wasn't exactly a cold shoulder, he was a bit off but he came to see me twice and hugged me really affectionately.
The thing is that we don't talk about our feelings and it makes conversations awkward.

He did say he will see me in a few days. So while I'm angry that he didn't reply to my message , I don't want to regret something hence trying to give one last chance.

At least I tried and if he says no he can't meet or doesn't reply to my message them its obvious. Then he gets blocked.

[FlaffyCheez]

Well I don't think your going to regret anything by letting him come to you.
Literally like I said, no need to block him he hasn't actually done anything.
Just continue living life as you have been and stop worrying. If he never replies so be it, you'll live. If he does reply, be genuine about how you felt and how you feel with his response, actually tell him. Don't pretend it didn't happen.

There is no reason at this time for you to do anything. The ball is with him... you can't play catch if he never throws the ball... just wait

[Asker]

But I'm pretty certain he won't come to me. He never has and everything qas initiated by me. He hasn't done anything himself so after not replying, it's even harder for him contacting me.

I'm bringing to think if he's thinking I'm friendzoning him hence this reaction evict I'm not.

[FlaffyCheez]

You are seriously going down a rabbit hole of same excuse not getting it at all.
If he has NEVER come to you or initiated or done ANYTHING himself, what makes you think he wants you?

Let him come to you and prove that, you get on with your life stop worrying bout someone who has not worried about toy. you

[Asker]

Then why suggest coffee and meet up on person when I see him?

[FlaffyCheez]

Because you are there. People go with the flow all the time hon. He gave you the time day because you asked. There is a such thing as not minding it... vs... wanting it

[Asker]

So you think he isn't interested? Then why suggest Christmas break, hug, touch tightly etc? Just to grt a hook up

[FlaffyCheez]

I can't answer those questions for him as to why people say things and don't follow through with them.
I can say when actions do not match words, you can only pause for the actions to come through.
He could say a million things, means nothing if he doesn't actually follow through. If he's waiting on you to follow through on something that HE SAID... are you sure you're okay with that?
If you are then you do what you do.
I'm just simply providing a a perspective for you.
Either way doesn't change what he has actually done... which is again nothing... so you therefore have to do nothing... and he owes you absolutely nothing...

[Asker]

It's mostly because he felt or feels like I'm not interested because we didn't kiss on the first date. Hence the change in plans and behaviour. I just don't want to regret anything and be like i wish i had actually messaged him etc etc hence even thinking of this because I don't like to live with regrets.

[Anonymous]

Move on from what you are doing he is clearly showing you he isn’t interested so stop contacting him

[Opinion Owner]

Meant from what you said

[Asker]

But each time I contacted hum he replied.

[Opinion Owner]

Doesn’t matter if he replies he is basically giving you crumbs and your sitting there chasing after him you said yourself from the beginning you have done all the talking you have initiated the meet ups and done all of the the approaching a guy who is interested in a girl would be 50/50 as I said earlier from what you said above he is clearly showing you he isn’t interested in you

[Asker]

Then why when go on dates, ask me to go on a break during Christmas etc?

[Opinion Owner]

Wow woman why did you even bother coming here to ask this question when you are making excuses and completely ignoring the advise we have told you we have all basically told you to move on but you aren’t listening

are you really such a desperate person that you are gonna waste your time and your life away chasing after a guy who isn’t interested in anything with you yeah so what if he asked you out on dates a guy can ask someone to go on a date and not feel anything for her sometimes a guy will take a girl on 3 dates before it hits him that he had no Romantic interest in her and he doesn’t want to take it any further isn’t the fact that he no longer wants to spend Christmas with you a sign that says he isn’t interested he chose his friends over you you also said you think he is talking to other girls well maybe one of those girls has caught his attention seriously you need to move on keep chasing him and your going to come as across as a stalker and pathetic

[Asker]

No I will take one more chance and see what he does. Its neither pathetic or stalkerish to give someone a benefit of doubt. If he doesn't reply or says he doesn't want to meet me, it's clear.
The reason for Christmas could be many and for one I felt like he wanted to kiss me but I didn't. He may have felt that I'm not interested so I will still attempt one more clarification.

[Anonymous]

He expected / wanted something physical, but you didn't even give him a kiss. He's gone for someone else, someone with whom he can enjoy the physical. You see this yourself.

[Asker]

How can I kiss him on the first date itself?

[Opinion Owner]

It's just a kiss. Obviously the other girls he's seeing don't have a problem with it.

[Asker]

Why should I kiss someone who kisses many girls?

[Opinion Owner]

Because it's just a kiss - and if you indicate you're that prudish, you can only select from other prudish men.

[spartan55]

What do you mean "it seems he sees other girls... blah blah... what are you basing this on?

[Asker]

Because he said himself that he's going to go to a female friends house, he went on lunch with a female friend and another girl told me he was seeing someone last month

[spartan55]

Then get rid of him.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Honey but where is your self-respect?
He doesn't giving any fuck to you than why the hell you're kissing his feet? 😘

[Asker]

I'm just giving him the benefit of doubt. I dont know what he felt.

[Sam_The_Savage]

You're not giving him benefits of doubts you're just running away from realty. .

Honey are you ok?

[Asker]

What reality?

[Sam_The_Savage]

You're not his priority at all

[Asker]

Then why was he going on dates with me and talking to me?

[Sam_The_Savage]

Yeah giving reply in hours or even next day. Staying cold on date. Wow awesome honey 😘

[Asker]

2nd chat. He wasn't cold on the first one.

[Sam_The_Savage]

No one stay cold on first date honey realty always revealed in second date anyways honey you're biased here 😘

[cuckbetamale]

Men r assholes