Is it normal for my virgin brother to be desperate about just having a girlfriend?

[Vesuvius87]

His 20th b-day is on May 5 and he keeps on mentioning about wanting a girlfriend. I've noticed the desperation in his voice. He repeated twice ''I don't want kids, don't care about kids, I just want a girlfriend, I want a girlfriend''.

He's been with that same obsession since he was 16 years old. Is that normal?

Updates

+1 y

The only issue is there are more women that want serious relationship and kids in the future than women that only want long-term sex in relationships. He basically wants a girlfriend that he'll happy with just sex and have ''beautiful lustful moments''.
Even though he mentions about wanting a girlfriend, that would seem more like a friends with benefits type girl.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely normal, however I think his priorities are messed up. Usually the men I see obsessing over being in a relationship are the ones who have some downfalls, like they struggle with loneliness or depression, may not be very good at talking to women in general, socially awkward, and the list goes on. But your brother needs to adjust his focus, like prioritizing school and getting his life started. Then I think the relationship should follow once he has more to to put on the table, like having a sound state of mind, financially stable, and those sort of things.

[Vesuvius87]

He always had problems making friends, used to get bullied at school and currently only has one good friend. He talks good with us and with the family but not to random women.
I just added an update on my post. Even though he wants a girlfriend, what he really wants is sex in a long-term relationship but with a girl that doesn't care about kids nor marriage... with a girl that would be happy with just being intimate with him many times. I don't think that would be a girlfriend. That sounds like a friends with benefits type.

[Vesuvius87]

Otherwise if he gets a girlfriend and the girl eventually wants kids and marriage, he's going to be wasting her time.

[Opinion Owner]

Got it, just read the update as well. If he’s only looking for sex then he needs to be very honest and straight forward with a girl he’s interested in. However, if he can’t even get to that point of having a girl interested then there’s no need to worry about sex right now and tbh he’s setting himself up to keep being single because women rarely want a friends with benefits situation. Honestly that may not even be entirely what he wants, and he just truly wants intimacy and a relationship. But those things won’t happen if he has bad depression and mental issues, because as a woman you know that that’s not the sort of baggage we just agree to accept. He has to work on himself a lot so that he can be a good candidate for a woman. As for the baby thing, It makes sense that the prospect of being a father @20 is not exciting. Maybe in the future when he finds the right one, that thought process will change. I mean I have a friend who was married but never wanted kids, but her hubby did and neither of them were changing their minds so the divorced. Then like 2 years later she met her new husband and they just had a baby and she’s ecstatic, but it’s because he’s the right guy and her ex wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

He has it backwards. Instead of seeking a girlfriend first, he should have fun meeting people first. If there is someone he clicks with, then he should think whether he wants her as a girlfriend.

Also by your logic: Every woman starts off as a "friends with benefits type girl", since having kids usually come from sex and no sex implies you are not attracted to each other enough to want a relationship (not always though, there are exceptions).

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, there are plenty of girls that want the same thing that he wants. Is he just looking in the wrong places?

[Vesuvius87]

He isn't even looking nor talking to girls. He's in his room, imagining having the girlfriend he wants.

[Vesuvius87]

Nothing will change if he doesn't step out and talk to more people.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Vesuvius87 I don't completely agree with that, respectfully. I don't believe that talking to women in person is a viable method of finding a mate. There's too much chance involved. It's too random.

[Vesuvius87]

If he's not doing anything (not even going on dating sites) but laying in his room, talking to his friend and watching soccer I fail to see how he can meet a girlfriend. The girl isn't going to come magically knocking on his door and say ''I want to be your girlfriend''.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Vesuvius87 Oh. He's not even looking online?

Let me ask you a question: Is he the type of person to wish for things but never take actual steps to make them happen? Because one of my friends is like that.

[Vesuvius87]

yes and that's annoying. If the things you want are left as dreams and goals without any actions taken, then you're at nothing.
He also wished he was stronger after I beat him at armwrestling. I adviced him to use my dumbbells, do exercises and/or follow me in Judo classes. He refuses and does nothing. It's his own fault for taking no action if he wants to get something done.

I met my current boyfriend without even looking. He happens to be my Judo sparring partner too. If I had his same attitude of just laying in bed and wishing to be a martial artist, wishing to meet a boyfriend, wishing to be thinner but doing nothing... then obviously nothing would've happened.

[Vesuvius87]

How can you ask for things to be done or wish to have something when you're not doing anything but laying in bed? That's how he is and to be honest that makes me laugh.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Vesuvius87 It sounds like it may be a mental issue. Do you think he might be helped by seeing a psychologist?

[Vesuvius87]

He seems to have mood swings, where he goes from happy to stressed out/somewhat depressed so fast. He gets jealous when hearing about my current relationship or other people's relationship. My father will book an appointment with another psychologist sometime next week; the previous one didn't work.
Other things that aren't in his favor for attraction girls:
- He hasn't even worked (how is he going to ask out girls if he has no money?)
- He hasn't entered college nor an institute yet

[Jamie05rhs]

@Vesuvius87. Ah. I see. Yes, I hope he can find a good one that helps him.

Oh! Well, that would be something to work on as well. He needs to start working or start going to school. One or the other, at least.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, because he's a virgin. Can you set him up with one of your friends?

[Vesuvius87]

I can't for these 2 reasons:
- I have few friends and all of them have their own lives with kids
- He wants a girl his age 18-20 years old, not older women

[Wise4myage]

Ok thanks.

[xJayleenx]

He feels lonely yeah it’s normal

[Vesuvius87]

I've tried to get him motivated with Judo (I'm currently a Judo student) but he doesn't like sports, much less physical contact/combat types.

[samysyed]

May be

[Vesuvius87]

I added an update. I think it's going to be hard what he's looking for. If he just wants a girlfriend as a long-term sexual relationship, I suppose that wouldn't be much of a girlfriend but a friends with benefits type girl.

[samysyed]

He is looking for friends with benefits