Why is he all of a sudden busy? did he lose interest?

[Anonymous]

Was dating this guy for 7 months. He was constantly available. We hooked up and everything and i still would hear from him. I was more likely the one to be unavailable most of the time. The communication was on and off. The communication slowed around the 10th. I didn't hear from him and I ended it because he went 3 days without speaking to me. It wasn't the first time he done it but like the 5th time. He told me that I was overreacting and probably on my period and that he'll contact me again in another 3 days when im off my period. I wasn't even on it. He says im really anonnying on my period and avoids me on those days. The same day I just ended it all together and he asked me what did he do wrong for me to want to it so he'll at least know.

So after I ended it, I contacted him the next day and we started speaking again. I had plans on wanting to see him and he said no. I said thats fine but he changes his answer to okay he'll do it. When it was time for the plans, he would all of a sudden ignore me when the time would come and wouldn't respond till the next day. He did it twice. He called me and said it was because he was tired but he wanted to stay on the phone that day but i had to go. I asked a bunch of times why didn't he just tell me that he was tired and he just stood silent. I don't hear from him again for a few days until I contacted him. He told me had been busy and that we could meet up that day. We had sex and the sex was really different. He was very passionate made a bunch of eye contact which he never done before. So after we hung out, hooked up or whatever he told me he would text me. He did but it was like one text per day. For the next few days I don't hear from him at all. So I call him and he still says he's busy. Its literally been 3 weeks he's been busy. So after ignoring him back he called me four times but i missed it.

[HollyK21]

He wants friends with benefits, and this is made very clear by his actions, especially going long amounts of time without talking and expecting you to be ok with it. The thing is though, he can’t flat out tell you he doesn’t want anything serious, especially if he feels like that’s what you want and will cut him off if being in a relationship isn’t on the table. Typical selfish behavior. His wishy-washy, flakey nature says a lot as well, because he’s showing that you are not a priority in his life and he isn’t bothering to make you one. Maybe he wasn’t that way at first, but I believe that was him trying to reel you in and keep you there. Putting on his best face, so to speak. As soon as he became unreliable, I believe that was him testing the waters to see what he could get away with. Each time he bailed, you took him back. Maybe with a little resistance or a threat of some sort to leave, but with a little finessing he was easily back in the game. Personally I think you can do better than that altogether. You need someone who is consistent, reliable, and wants to make you a priority in his life.

[Asker]

thanks, i totally agree. His mouth says he likes me and wants to be serious but his actions are showing he only wants sex. I even told him thats how i felt when i cut him off and he said i was "assuming" he only wanted sex. But his actions shows that he only wants sex. He was upset and told me before he hung up "well im glad you came to realization" I dont feel used because i did enjoy the sex but i do think its time to move on.

[HollyK21]

Yeah, I learned a long time ago that words can only get a person so far. Actions speak louder, and his are showing that he is not serious. Then he gaslights you on top of that as a manipulation method, which is really shitty and selfish of him. I do hope you decide to move on to better things, because investing any more time would be time wasted. Also, no worries! I’ve just been in your shoes a long time ago, dealt with that situation for waaay longer than I ever should have and learned never to do that again.

[Anonymous]

That's a good question to ask him. If you do, tell him your reason for asking is to get closure. It sounds like he might have found another girl. His excuse for being busy is pathetic.