Am I being naive?

[Anonymous]

So my partner of 5 years is always on his phone lately, we could be out together and he’ll always be texting, whenever I ask who it is he says it’s his ‘friend from work who’s going through some shit right now’
In the 5 years we’ve been together he has never given me a reason to doubt him.
But something isn’t sitting right with me, and I know it’s wrong but I unlocked his phone whilst he was sleeping and they have exchanged 256 messages to each other in the space of a week!
Some of the messages are general chit chat, others are like him telling her that he’ll bring her some perfumes/his aftershave to try out to work, for some context she said he smelt nice and he told her to use his aftershave.
Other messages they’ve been planning a day out together, and some he’s been giving her guy advice.
They both mention me by name in some of the messages so I know he’s told her about me.
Do you think they’re just friends or do you think this could potentially be something more?
Also I know that they had a drunken kiss at their work night out because he told me and I let it go.
Please help me..

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I’m sorry, but you’re already naive, and that’s okay… We should trust our partners. However, he’s already cheated on you by “drunkenly kissing her.” So, there’s past chemistry between them, and they’re very clearly close “friends” if he’s texting her while you two are together, that’s disrespectful. He’s got no shame in it. I might be one untrusting person, but it’s too friendly to be considered just friends, especially if he’s hid what they’ve talked about, and exchanged that many texts.


As for what you need to do — I think you need to talk to him about it. Like someone else said…. Think about what you’re gonna say, and provide him enough examples. I think you should mention that if he values you and the relationship, he would stop and cut all contact, because he obviously has a past/attraction with her. Either he stops or you’re gonna have to make a decision whether you want to stay with him or leave, because those are boundaries that need to be respected.

[Asker]

The problem is that they work together so they see each other every day, and I work from home. He said they just get on really well and that he’s told her about me and I’ve seen her mention me in messages like she’s very conscious of the fact that we’re together, they are literally working together 9-6 every day so why do they need to constantly text each other every evening?
You’re right I am being naive and I know that I need to speak to him about it, but I’m just scared of losing him, we live together, I moved here to be with him over a year ago, and I guess it’s just a little heartbreaking that although he says they have only ever kissed drunkenly once they clearly have some kind of chemistry for them to constantly be speaking to each other in and outside of work

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I get ya, girl. I don’t understand why they need to text all day either if they see eachother. And the fact that she knows about you is even worse. Also, you being naive about this is okay, it’s normal… We all want to trust our partners but want to stay with them and move past certain things..
I do think that you two need to talk about it though. I understand the living situation you’re in.. That’s difficult. I think that you just need to let him know that it bothers you a bit and you want it to stop. I think that if he doesn’t stop, then it shows that he doesn’t respect you and your boundaries. That would be a reason for a breakup, but again, the living situation.
Either way, talking to him about it, letting him know you’re uncomfortable and you want it to stop, is step 1.

[monkey881]

The best advice I can give you is to be direct with him. But in time. Firstly write everything down in a notebook. Everything unusual that's not normal behaviour. As you mentioned that they've shared a kiss at work there both interested in one another. You obviously love him very much to be cool with that level of disrespect because I would have given him a warning and to not talk to that girl again if he kissed her. The fact his continuously messaging her is so disrespectful. I'm sorry he's treating you that way. It's time now to put your foot down and be straight out with him once you've gathered enough examples as he'll go on the defence once you bring it up. Best of luck. ❤

[rabbitzzz]

Can't be good. Why wouldn't he tell you. You wouldn't be mad if he is fucking someone on the side if he told you right?

[Wise4myage]

Sounds like more than friends to me, so keep an eye on him and look for other signs of cheating.

[KatherineJ]

Leave now! Do not wait, leave now.