Intimacy with a guy friend after your husband passed away?

[Anonymous]

What do you think about the situation when a girl you know for 7 years asks to have a log hug from a guy friend during grieving period as her husband just died and she feels so alone and is missing closeness. This guy friend comes over and initiates a cuddling session to comfort you, but then things start to get much more intimate from his side than you expected with kissing the neck, caressing her boobs, holding hands, massages, etc. She gets excited and asks for kiss. He said he only gives "hugs". You ask him why he doesn`t want to kiss you and he says that things are perfect the way they are like this. You ask him later on how he feels about you to know how to behave around him as you feel so vulnerable right now and he says that he would like to remain friends. Did he do it all just to make me feel better, but not cause he was into me? I should take it as it is that we are definitely just friends? I feel like I am getting attached to everyone who is kind and nice to me after my husband died

[NamerOfStars]

As you say, you find yourself feeling attached to everyone who shows you kindness. I know enough to know that losing a spouse is devastating, and pretty much every guy out there knows that you're emotionally and even mentally vulnerable right now. Even if you want more, he's going to realize that that might just be grief and loneliness talking; he'd feel like a total scumbag if he took advantage of that.

He might want more but just be waiting; he might want to only be friends. Give it some time, and see how you feel later on.

[boggboss]

Clearly he did it to tey and make u feel better not because he likes u

[Asker]

He totally turned me on and I saw that he was turned on as well. So I got confused and then I got attached. I expected only a long tight hug. Would a guy then really in a situation like this be so intimate with a woman and feeling her body like this when he only sees her as a friend? I hope then that he actually did wanted to "cuddle" like this and did not feel forced?
When I say I would like to have a long hug as I am so alone do guys think it means a long cuddling session?

[boggboss]

More likely then not he just got caught up in the moment and lost but on clear thoughts he dont want that

[Gwenhwyfar]

@boggboss you’ve got a good point

[boggboss]

Its completely ahitt but it makes the most sense if a guy has already got the opening and wanted to just have sex or be intimate he wouldn't have shut it down unless he started to feel like he was taking advantage of her as she was in vulnerable state

[Gwenhwyfar]

I agree

[Asker]

So it means that he just couldn`t help himself cause he enjoyed the closeness also so much and it was just a turn on. Makes sense as he also said he has no idea what we were watching and he couldn`t keep his hands off me. But in general he doesn`t want to take advantage of me and only sees me as a friend for whatever reason? And when a guy says it you should always believe it?

[boggboss]

If u trust him yes

[Asker]

Now he is not replying to me anymore and I feel like it all meant nothing to him

[Mikeybear]

He's probably scared or already in a relationship. I once limitedly made out with a girl in a situation like this. Felt bad about it afterwards.

[awkward_author]

He's probably sexually attracted to you, but that's it.

[Asker]

But why he refused a kiss then?

[awkward_author]

Sexual attraction doesn't mean he wants to kiss you. I, personally, don't like kissing during sexual activity.

[Asker]

Part of me would have wanted that it would have gone further, but I think it could have only by kissing. Now he wants the distance (by not replying) cause I got attached and he only sees me as a friend and doesn`t want to be involved?

[awkward_author]

Maybe he just wants a friendship because you're fragile at the moment? He doesn't want you to feel taken advantage of?

[Asker]

Maybe,.. or maybe he wasn't attracted enough?

[awkward_author]

That depends on whether or not you think he cares about you.

[Asker]

As he later on said that he would like to remain friends

[awkward_author]

He may have said that because you both need time to process things.

[Asker]

Based on my experience I just see that men are very straightforward. Especially in a situation like this. When they like you, you will know and they will be in contact with you. As he wanted to remain friends then I should believe it. Now when he is not replying it means he wants to keep his distance. As for caring about me - I really do not know and cannot assess it. I haven`t communicated like this with him as I was married for years. We were just friends.. Maybe caring only in an average way. Can it be?

[awkward_author]

It's possible he cares and doesn't want to complicate anything. He might view the sexual aspects of that evening as a "moment of weakness" that won't happen until you have enough time to grieve.

[SuperSpaceMan007]

Are you looking for a desperation or a desperate guy? Neither if you want it still then say it to him face to face without involvement of third person.

[jimmy2]

Damn that so cold. I lost my wife women' would come up and hug me it was so blwssed to jold a woman but to do what he did was cruel

[Asker]

Like to be so intimate with me and then to disappear? Maybe he had just good intentions, but it got out of hand and he is regretting now? I have no idea. We are not that close

[Asker]

He never explained it to me. When I asked about it as I felt lost he just said that he wants to be friends

[driven159]

that is not uncommon just don't get into something too fast just lead to more heartache

[Gwenhwyfar]

Caressing her boobs is defo sexual intimacy

[Asker]

But when he initiated it then it must mean he finds me attractive, but then why did he refuse to kiss me on my lips, but just kept kissing my neck, forehead, shoulders, cheeks?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Who cares? Neck kisses are great.

[Asker]

Yeah, now I miss him.. that`s why I care :(

[Gwenhwyfar]

Makes sense 😢

[Asker]

and now he is not replying to me anymore.. :D which made me feel like it was a one-time-thing and he wants his distance now

[Gwenhwyfar]

He probably regrets it

[Asker]

Maybe.. so the best thing for me to do is get over it and one point when we talk again say that it is all fine. He has not done anything wrong, I just get easily attached right now.

[Lynx122]

He probably didn't feel right about it.

[Luckycharms12]

Friend should stay friends

[Anonymous]

ughh