Why is he giving me mixed signals?

[Geminixx]

I worked at a place for two months and met this colleague with whom I got along really well. He's 25 and I'm 30. We flirted a lot but nothing ever actually happened. There was a strong vibe between us that was very palpable, I could just feel it in the air. We touched arms, smiled a lot, talked really close, the usual obvious signs of attraction. Over time I think I started to develop feelings but there's some things that make me very confused: 1) He always takes very long to reply to my texts (multiple days) and sometimes does it on purpose to not open the messages even though he's online. When he does reply he's nice and even a bit flirty but never really takes the initiative to text me. 2) A few times I tried to get closer to him and he got all red and nervous and didn't respond back, although he normally is quite confident when flirting with me. 3) He tells me I'm "trouble". 4) He kind of hints that he feels attracted to me. One time I got the feeling that he was hinting me to go for him, to "pressure him" I think those were the words. The thing is I'm not working there anymore, I left two weeks ago. So I'm not around him anymore. We never met up outside work and he never made an attempt to. A week ago I sent him a message just saying hi and asking how his week has been. He hasn't opened the message (left it on two grey ticks) for multiple days. Two days ago I saw that he read it but still doesn't reply. I feel like I'm not going to see him again which makes me confused because I really felt we had a thing going on. I'd like to get to know him better but now I feel like he's not open to that and I have no idea why. I thought maybe he has a girlfriend but I find strange that that hasn't come up yet. Or maybe he has someone else he's interested? I'm starting to think that he just wasn't that interested at all but I kind of find it hard to believe that. Maybe I was just a work crush that he wants to move on from, but not understanding the reason is messing me up.

[DaveJord]

If I were you then I would send him a message saying,

"Hey dude, I just want you to know that I really enjoyed flirting and talking with you. I thought we would of got together by now, but it seems like our not interested. I just wanted you to know that I was interested, so if you ever want to follow up on it, quit being a jackass and ask me out. If not, then I wish you the best."

See women can get way with this type of thing with men... if a man does it then its just creepy. If he replies then do what you do with it, if he does not then move on the guy isn't worth it anyway.

[Geminixx]

Hahaha I just love this! Only a guy to come up with this answer, honestly 😂 But I do like the idea and I can see myself doing something like that. I'll leave the idea marinating 😜. Thank you so much for your thoughts!

[DaveJord]

Ahhhh... thanks. I put thought into it, and I think its funny. It will give you some degree of closure, and remove any doubts that the guy is in fact a lame ass... good riddance. You probably deserve better anyway.

[spartan55]

He either never was truly that interested, or he was, and you didn't show him enough interest in return. Unfortunately, I think it was the former.
Also, I noticed you came up the female default of "it must be another woman"... it's like clockwork.

[Geminixx]

The way you interpret what I said and the way you express yourself? Default. Like clockwork.

[spartan55]

Interpret what you said? "I thought maybe he had a girlfriend"..."maybe there was someone else he is interested" How can that interpreted any different way. My point is: despite having zero evidence the first thing you assume is that he must have a girlfriend/interested in someone else. Most girls seem to do this and it's weird to me. Do you think it's possible that you just read everything wrong and let feelings project on to the whole situation?

[Geminixx]

Why is it weird? Nothing weird about it 😂. It's quite common to have a girlfriend and be tempted by someone else and not doing something because you're already committed. It has happened to me aswel. So I would think it's only natural to also consider that possible because it is in fact quite possible 🤨

[spartan55]

Possible? Sure. Likely? No way. Again, there is NOTHING to suggest that is the case. He isn't interested. How do you explain that he hasn't contacted you?

[Geminixx]

One of the possible explanations is that he might have someone else in his life.

[spartan55]

Sure, one of several possible reasons. If you want to believe that is the reason then do so. The reality is you will likely never know what he thought.

[Geminixx]

Oh no, on the contrary, I don't want to believe that 😅 It's one of several possibilities, just like I mentioned in my post 🙂

[Geminixx]

I suggest you read again. "I thought maybe he has a girlfriend BUT I find strange that that hasn't come up yet." :)

[spartan55]

Yeah, I read it. I read that was the first thing you thought. Him bringing her up is completely irrelevant here.

[Geminixx]

Mmm Actually no. The first thing I thought was that he only saw me as a friend because that's also how I felt about him aswell in the beginning. There was some flirts definitely but mainly we just got along really well and had nice conversations and had fun, like friends. When the attraction signs started to be more obvious from both parts and I started realising more that I liked him, I thought that maybe he was afraid to get involved because we worked together and he didn't want to mix feelings with work, which I think is a valid reason. Sometimes we didn't focus on our work because we were so distracted with each other. It's never ideal to date a coworker. Only recently I started considering that maybe he has someone else. I haven't considered that until now because when we met he told me that his ex was also a freelancer like me so I assumed he wasn't in a relationship anymore and also because I just never had the feeling that he had someone else. But it's still possible.

[Geminixx]

Him having a girlfriend was actually the last thing on my mind, otherwise I would have just asked him.

[spartan55]

So what's your plan?

[Geminixx]

I don't have a plan yet 😇 Give it time to see how I feel, I guess.

[spartan55]

Don't sit around too long. Out of sight out of mind...