My boyfriend recently described himself as a dark empath, should I be worried? are relationships with them doomed if you’re a full blown empath?

[Anonymous]

[RedStiletto88]

I would be very concerned , I mean I know people can be empaths and most of the time it’s an awesome trait but when someone says they are a ‘dark empath’ , I honestly would be a little frightened as to what his dark side is capable of.

[HighlyVolatile]

The most dangerous trait to my understanding of the dark empath is that they are extremely charming people, most extroverted, most witty, but also most skilled in manipulating others for their personal gain. They're even more skilled at manipulation than the best of narcissists, since they have deep empathy, but wield it like a tool.

[Asker]

From my understanding, he is all of the above charming traits. I noticed, he had a fear of abandonment. And uses his empathy, to be the best friend ever to ensure he never loses the person. However, empathy with him is like a prescription, he only gives it if you go physically ask him for it most times. And if you don’t accept his help he has no issue watching you drown

[HighlyVolatile]

It's interesting to me though that he admits it. He might be able to balance it with a rational sense of morality. I used to think I might fit into something like this since I'm an extreme extrovert, unlike most categorized to be empaths, but empathy for me is like a burden and far from a tool. I feel the pain of others even if I don't want to do so. I can't use it as a tool (I wish I could), and I'm heavily constrained by my ideals and my sense of right and wrong. But I have a fiery temper and some of the neurotic traits in common with dark empaths.

[Asker]

He says he fuels on people. He needs group settings, and a lot of it. You share a lot of traits, he also thinks empathy is a burden, but necessary to maintain friendships. He notices the pain, but it doesn’t affect him. He’s also has a strong sense of right & wrong and equality. He’s gets offended by the word narcissist, and when people doubt his character. He always told me his best friend “taught” him empathy. I believe that friend is manipulative

[Asker]

He believes he is a spartan, achilles to be exact.

[HighlyVolatile]

Those first two statements might just be an extrovert thing. I think the same way. I get energy from other people and turn towards depression if I'm alone too long. I'm wondering about some things if you'll help me since it is rare that I get to talk to a full-blown empath.

The best I can see myself right now is "haunted empath". Even as a little boy, I see people fall, and I rush to help them. I feel their embarrassment and pain as my own. And that's all very noble; people applaud that. That's the "light" side, we might say.

But I also find myself incapable of judging people so harshly, even serial killers, because I always thought even from a boy that I, too, might be a serial killer if I lived in their shoes. It's like I'm a potential serial killer; I am Hitler. I am the worst of all humanity because I figure I too might be that way if I lived in their shoes. I can't say with certainty that I wouldn't be, and in trying to understand such people, I see some similar traits in me. I study the best of people and I find that too, but I find the worst in me too.

Is it ever like this for you?

[HighlyVolatile]

Apologies if that sounded like crazy talk. Also, right now, I don't have any capability of being a serial killer. I don't even know if I can pull a gun trigger in self-defense. I'd probably try to persuade the person away from killing me. But I didn't live my life in the shoes of a serial killer, and I'm empathizing too much when I hear their story.

[Asker]

Can I message you privately?

[HighlyVolatile]

Sure!