What's with alpha and beta male concept?

[sattii2607]

Why are the more aggressive Alpha males considered more attractive when the betas actually are more accommodating and kind.
Why are betas considered second fiddle even in their married life.

[OpenClose]

I'm gonna stop you right there, because that's a toxic mentality to get into. I went down that rabbit hole and every interaction felt like some sort of "dominance" dance, and I would lose because I'm socially a pretty chilled out guy who likes to make sure everyone feels included.

Simply put, the concept of the sexually exclusive, dominant "alpha male" DOES exist in nature. But it doesn't work the way folks like PUAs and Incels like to paint it. For instance, an alpha Chimp or alpha Baboon don't fight other males and the winner "wins the hearts of the females". It's usually a horrible and violent endeavor resulting in the most violent one winning, and then dishing out this violence on all the females to keep them in a state of fear. And for Chimps and Baboons, the females generally find creative ways to sneak out back and get with the guy they actually like.

I also find it funny that "beta" is an insult in this case. If you know ANYTHING about alpha hierarchies, you'd know the "beta" position is just about the best rank. It isn't low-ranking, it is the second-highest ranking. The alpha and the coalition of betas form the "alpha coalition". If the alpha is the president, the betas are the presidential administration, or the Senate. Basically all the social benefits of high status without much of the blame and without regularly being challenged.

But then when people talk about "alpha males" with regards to "calm confidence", it's a much more positive message, but it also isn't the strict "alpha/beta" political hierarchy they were talking about in the first place. When a pro-social alpha takes the lead, they don't monopolize the sexuality of the group. They are much more sexually egalitarian. And that's how they were given leadership in the first place. They didn't "dominate", they helped others around them and earned their favor.

But regardless, I could write a whole WALL of text as to why humans didn't have a strong "alpha" structure through most of our time on Earth.

So besides that point, what you're often seeing with the aggressive, boisterous, boastful man "winning out" is more often the result of more exposure. They draw more attention to themselves, so more women are assessing whether they are attracted to them or not. If only 10% of women find them attractive, but 20 times the women are aware of them, they could still do better than a man who 90% of women like.

Then there's the "personality handle" effect as I call it. When most of your attraction comes from personality, you have to have personality traits to latch onto. A loud boastful guy makes his personality traits pretty obvious. With a guy whose personality is more subdued, his quirks and personality traits are less obvious to a bystander.

But like, look around at the guys who are aggressive and dominating. They might brag about how many women they've slept with, but how many women have they slept with AGAIN? How many women have they had a 4-year-long relationship with? If you are out looking for the love of your life, is THIS what you would want?

Just some food for thought.

[sattii2607]

Thanks a lot, this is very detailed and actually has helped me gain better understanding. Just one more add on if I may ask, why do sensitive and accommodating men mostly become options rather than being the chosen ones.

[OpenClose]

I think that partially falls under the "subtle and subdued personality" I mentioned.

I suppose another factor is that a sensitive and accommodating guy might come off as "available". Like, "I can already have him, so let's see how much further I can go", and then she sees if she can get the guy with the big over-the-top personality. I think this is more what you're describing. But depending on your age, women can be immature and it's important not to take a particular's woman's actions as the "word of truth". Not all women are worth winning, so there's no need to appeal to all of them.

But also, I think the issue is that society generally goes along with people who are sensitive and accommodating, so it's hard to tell if they are being accommodating of their own personal volition, or doing so because they are afraid to do anything else. I think it's more going against the grain and being a fully-realized version of yourself that does it. This can come in the form of an asshole or a genuinely good guy. Think of self-actualization like "looks" and sensitivity as "personality, and it helps you separate the two.

But also, if you look at romances written by women, there's a lot more of the sensitive and accommodating guys. Even in the case of the "hard-ass bad boy", the part that gets the girls swooning is when he eventually breaks his wall and gets vulnerable, revealing a teddy bear inside.

[sattii2607]

Sounds reassuring, I have been the option and even today I feel I am taken for granted by my wife as well in certain circumstances

[OpenClose]

When marriages have this issue, I think it has more to do with different stages in a relationship. If you've been living in a nice house for quite some time, someone else's house might look nice just because it is different.

[sattii2607]

Well my case is a bit different, it's more pushing me cos I have been yielding most of the times.

[BarryLiverstone]

Betas don’t go for what they want

[sattii2607]

And why would that be, and underlying trait that could be driving this, actually thinking of doing research on this and understanding how business leadership could be impacted.

[Kroberts16]

Sometimes women are just drawn to the alpha males but the beta men are the best because they're usually more romantic and can be trusted where the alpha men tend to only be romantic to get a girl but forget how one they've got her and also tend to be less loyal and cheat. I for one would rather have a beta male.

[sattii2607]

That clears the clouds quite a bit, Alpha males appeal to the primal instincts of women but a deeper evolved self would choose a beta male.

[myabe123]

God this whole aloha beta make thing annoys me to NO end. Just be yourself anyone judging you on that is immature.

[sattii2607]

You are bang on, wish everyone could have a clear thought process like you

[JessieBellll]

It's how girls view it

[sattii2607]

So does it mean men who are kind are kind of doormats to them.

[JessieBellll]

Yeah

[sattii2607]

That's too bad isn't it, I mean these guys take care to be polite and are fluid to accommodate and end of in the trash, I am sorry also ran bin

[Ryfyle]

I'm more of a Primal Male myself.

[sattii2607]

Can you help me understand a bit more about it please

[Ryfyle]

The sort of man Alpha's strive to be.

[sattii2607]

Ok now I understand

[Hellraiser1984]

Because most women love a holes and being abused.

[sattii2607]

Why is that, who like pain?

[Hellraiser1984]

Have seen the amount of abusive relationships reported?

[sattii2607]

Maybe they aren't reported due to external pressures like family and society but seriously who likes someone who abuses them.