Meant to be going on a date for drinks tonight but he hasn’t texted me back?

[Priv9696]

We both agreed we’d go out for cocktails for our first date, he said he’s really attracted to me and even said “if our date goes well I’ll delete all my dating apps”

he had a night shift last night so he had a sleep earlier but surely he’s awake now?

when I asked him yesterday what time should we meet, he was like “I’ll let you know, I don’t normally plan things in advance, just go with the flow and wing it”

it’s now 8pm and still no message from him. Should I just assume the date is cancelled or do dates sometimes start later on in the night?

[bowenw]

It's disrespectful to leave someone hanging like he's doing to you. He should have at least given you some idea of a time. It's one thing to wing-it if you're doing things alone, but not if you're trying to coordinate with another person. It may just be his way or he may be a player.

[DryGermanGuy]

He might just be one of those last-minute-planning types. Considering his work schedule and time to get fit for going out, it's understandable. Although, honestly I would not have chosen that very approach for a first date! :-o

[Priv9696]

Time to get fit for going out? He’s not a girl lol he doesn’t have to do his hair or makeup like us. It’s just annoying cause he said he really wants to get to know me.

Also why isn’t this approach good for a first date?

[DryGermanGuy]

No, I really mean it literally, to get fit from rotating work shifts, especially night shift. It screws with your body, especially when doing hard physical work.

With regards to a first date - I would plan it perfectly in the days before and communicate it. No ifs, whens or buts that leave anybody guessing. Maybe that's the German in me! :-D

[Priv9696]

Yeah he never gave me a time from day one. Whenever I asked for a time he would be like “let’s just decide on the day” ugh he’s clearly not into me :/

[DryGermanGuy]

Oh, come on. Your deduction is certainly wrong. Just ask him, what's happening and hear him out. Don't smother the guy, don't sext him, don't play the diva/model/starlet (I'm repeating myself).

[Priv9696]

This is what he said this morning “Yeah of course i would of got round to rearranging it, i did mean to go cozy club with you, i just didn't wake up after in time after a 12hr shift and getting back home at 8:30”

[Priv9696]

Then I said “well you’ve not bothered to rearrange the date”
He then said “ I've not slept alright, im just tryna chill with my dogs and watch some news, last thing i wanna do atm is make plans”

[DryGermanGuy]

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Doing grunt work for twelve hours and not sleeping right would make me cranky for sure. If you really like the guy you will have to go at his pace. Then on the other hand, he’s truly blue-collar, so you might be too much for him anyway… 🤔

[Priv9696]

He kept ignoring my messages on Snapchat so I ended up blocking him calling him a fuck boy and racist cause I guarantee he doesn’t treat white girls like this. I thought it was just shyness at first but He was never interested in me,

[DryGermanGuy]

You shouldn’t have done that. Why not just chill and keep your options open? Who knows, what happens a couple of weeks later.
And you really should not use the r-word in such a situation, it’s totally unwarranted. A racist would have never talked to you in the first place or would have insulted you from the get-go.

[Priv9696]

Ever heard of undercover racists? You must have heard white guys say “I wanna know what it’s like to smash a black girl” I understand I was too hasty tho

[DryGermanGuy]

I understand what you mean by "undercover", but then again, these sort of racists would have never even communicated with you. I understand their mindsets, I have been following the YT channel of a former Neonazi for a long time (if you can speak German, I could PM you the channel link).
No, I have never heard white guys talk like that, I don't surround myself with people that would even think that way! Also, Germany has a percentage of blacks of ~0,5%, so a fascination with black girls might not even be a noticeable kink.

[Priv9696]

Oh I see. Well by him not being very forward and bailing out on the date shows he was never attracted to me because what normal straight man is gonna turn down a date with a girl he finds “stunning”

[DryGermanGuy]

Just thinking aloud now, but could it not be, that initially he was attracted to you because of your glitz and glam photos but then your personality quirks failed to find the appropriate next step for this guy?
I mean, depending on your location, 90% of the guys around you might be pure working class, so instead of going out with the fancy three hours manicure/hairstyle/makeup job he would have liked someone to show up with a hot pizza at his place, walking his dogs with him and then watching some TV show together? Or something along those lines...

[Gordyshore]

He has looked at and been on his phone more than once; what he is doing is having you as a backup plan. If he really wanted to spend time and get to know you; you would have already had the time. He's a waste of space

[Priv9696]

So by him saying “I’ll let you know the time closer” is him bullshitting? Do you not think there’s guys out there that just prefer last minute plans?

[Gordyshore]

You have been waiting for him to get back to you. You texted him and got no reply; I mean if that’s what your into have fun! But it’s not hard to get back to someone who’s asking a question.

[Priv9696]

This is what he said.. “ No im sorry i woke up at 6:30 and really just didn't have it in me to go out and i bottled it instead of telling you that i wasn't coming, sorry for wasting your time like that, i understand if you block me ”

[Gordyshore]

So what do you want to do?

[Priv9696]

I feel like he’s just not interested in me. Notice how he was low-key encouraging me to block him

[Gordyshore]

I agree and I saw that

[kellytheman]

8 is a little late but if I was you try to to call and text and say you are staying till 9 and if he never shows up leave and don't try to reconnect with him. If he stands you up he doesn't care or not as attracted to you not even to give you a call back or a curiosity text.

[Priv9696]

He finally messaged saying this “ No im sorry i woke up at 6:30 and really just didn't have it in me to go out and i bottled it instead of telling you that i wasn't coming, sorry for wasting your time like that, i understand if you block me ”

[kellytheman]

Well at least he told you what happened and apologized about it. He also seem understanding if you blocked him. I probably wouldn't block him if you really like him but he might be one to stay clear before he waste more of your time.

[Priv9696]

Hmm it’s almost like he’s giving me the go ahead to block me. Where in that message did he try and rearrange our date? Nowhere

[kellytheman]

Yeah I don't think I tell somebody to block me and he said nothing about another time or date to. meet.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a creep just based off telling you he’ll delete all his dating apps if it goes well. I know this is unrelated to the topic, but that’s a major red flag of a creepy guy. He’s putting out some weird competitive standard for the date with rewards for your performance. I’d say move on if you’re looking for something serious, because he isn’t.

[Priv9696]

So he’s only looking for casual sex?

[Opinion Owner]

That would be my guess. Even going out for drinks seems like a casual sex type of date. Zero romance and minimal ability to communicate and get to know each other. I don’t like anything I’m hearing about this guy to be honest.

[Priv9696]

I’m the one that suggested drinks because I don’t like going out for food on first date. I planned it, he agreed

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I guess that isn’t a negative against him then. I still don’t like the conditional stuff about deleting the apps. Maybe I’m the exception, but if you’re at the point where you’re going out with someone, you shouldn’t want to be on the apps, even if it’s just a first date. I think you should focus on the person and seeing if you’re right for each other, not comparing each other to what else you might be able to get on your app. Standing you up on a first date is also an instant pass either way though. I say move on to the next one.

[Priv9696]

Well he did have a long 12 hour shift. At least it’s a valid reason. I’m just starting to think my colour is the reason guys don’t take me serious

[Opinion Owner]

I hope that isn’t the reason. Though, I work 14 hour overnight shifts, if I was serious about a date I would either schedule it for a day I didn’t work, or I would be so excited for the date that it wouldn’t matter how long my shift is, I would be there. Don’t let it get you down though. I was just ghosted right before a first date myself a week or two ago, it happens. A lot of people get so caught up in seeing how many likes they can get on the apps that they forget the reason they’re even on there and miss out on meeting the right person.

[Priv9696]

Had it been a white girl he would have deffo made time to meet

[Priv9696]

Also not many guys delete their apps for a girl they’ve never met. Did you really expect him to delete bumble just for me? I doubt I’ve made a good impression on him within a week

[Opinion Owner]

Just for you? Why not? This is the over supply mentality of dating apps that I’m talking about. How can he know if you’re the one if he has his mind on the next three dates he could get? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just old, but if I’m going on a date with someone, they’re my focus. It takes 2 minutes to reinstall a dating app if it doesn’t work out.

[Luckycharms12]

That's horrible. If can't make it you ring or text hours before hand

[Luckycharms12]

Fuck him go out with friends

[Priv9696]

Can dates not happen later on in the night? I’m hoping he still wants to meet me but just late

[Luckycharms12]

I'd ring or call say whats the story

[Luckycharms12]

And ya could said can meet later or tomorrow sorry ill make up to you.

[Priv9696]

Checked his last seen and he hasn’t been active for 3 hours. What the hell is he doing? Do guys take ages to get ready for a date or something?

[Luckycharms12]

For myself shower iron my clothes put on aftershave and go

[Luckycharms12]

I've no idea what his doing that's not fair if don't want meet don't play people

[Priv9696]

I give up with men. Do you know how many times I’ve been let down? I understand he’s shy and hasn’t been on a date in 6 months but he could have cancelled on me earlier

[Luckycharms12]

Really that's crazy I don't understand you seem nice and you are good looking.

[Priv9696]

I can’t be that good looking if guys don’t take me seriously

[Luckycharms12]

Maybe because you are they get nervous

[Priv9696]

So he may have bailed on me cause he was nervous about meeting me in person? (We met on dating app)

[Luckycharms12]

I'm trying to guess Why I've no idea tbh. If I plan a date I go on it. Worse case doesn't work out

[Priv9696]

He hasn’t been active for 3 hours. Clearly with another girl

[Luckycharms12]

Was he working before hand

[Priv9696]

He done a night shift last night but he’s had the whole day to sleep. Also just checked his status and he was active 5 mins ago but not opened my message

[Luckycharms12]

That's being a dick online can see your text least can do is text you back

[Priv9696]

He’s clearly not into black girls

[Luckycharms12]

Why ask you out

[spartan55]

You might hear from him at about 2 a. m. tonight

[Bklynbadboy12]

Maybe something happened to him did you call him

[Priv9696]

This is what he replied.. No im sorry i woke up at 6:30 and really just didn't have it in me to go out and i bottled it instead of telling you that i wasn't coming, sorry for wasting your time like that, i understand if you block me

[Bklynbadboy12]

Dump him he's a waste of you time. Wow!

[SilverRain92]

It doesn't seem that he is interested in you

[abc3643]

Don't text. Call.