Is this a firm no?

[heysamecar]

Hi, there is this coworker that I've developed an attraction to. He acts very shy when we are alone together. He looks at me and looks away most of the time. He also holds his body stiffly. Well long story short, I decided to ask him if he would like to do something after work sometime. This was so hard for me and I'm surprised I even choked it out! Welp, he told me that he lives with two people and he takes care of his niece and doesn't have a lot of freetime. Also that he does chores and that they won't do themselves...(seriously). He loudly said he was sorry. I then said very quietly, if you change your mind, let me know. He said ok and walked away. Again barely any eye contact. I still don't know what happened here. I've been out of the dating scene for years. Why didn't he just say no? why did I get a list of reason why we can't hang after work? Please help. Is this a firm NO?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you everyone. I appreciate you all in responding to my question. I’ve only dated one guy, so I am not good with reading people sometimes. So an update- I went to work thinking he would probably avoid me, but the exact opposite happened! He surprised me literally saying hi to me as my back was turned. I caught him staring at me multiple times. And every time he went past me he said hi, while keeping eye contact! I’m not going to ask him again, I’ll leave it up to him if he wants.

[knallpilz]

Definitely not a firm no.
He's obviously anxious around you, because he's into you. He also seems to be worried you're gonna think less of him because of what his life is like right now.
You don't have to take the actual initiative, if you don't want to. Just let him know what you like and how you feel.

If you want to see him in his natural surroundings (his niece, the chores, etc.) tell him. Ask him if you could tag along sometime (if you want to).
If you'd like him to make time for you, even though he's busy, tell him. Maybe he should go after what he wants and not only what others are too lazy to do for themselves.
If you'd like to know if he actually doesn't have time for you, or if he's just shy or embarassed, ask him.
If you think he's being taken advantage of and should stand up for himself more (and go out with you instead :P), tell him. (This is one is a tricky one, though, since it's speculation on my part, and is highly dependant on how close you are already. But it's just a thought anyway...)

[Hairylegs222]

Sounds like to me he said no in his own nice way. It doesn't sound like a 100% no though. He has no time for a girlfriend right now as he explained. Maybe he'll get back to you when he has more free time, who knows. You'll probably have a boyfriend by then lol

[PrettyPriya]

This doesn’t sound like someone who is interested in doing something just by the description. It does seem that he is genuinely busy. However, the body language you describe makes it seem he is uninterested.

[Anonymous]

I would interpret it as a definite no. He doesn't sound interested, and asking out coworkers is iffy to begin with. Definitely don't push it by asking him out again.

[spartan55]

Because if he would have said 'no' you would be on here with this "why did this coworker reject me?"
What do you mean a hard no? Dude isn't interested. by the way, what does 'holds his body stiff' have to do with anything here?

[malek123]

Myself i expect id do the exact same just to seem a bit hard to get... Or maybe cuz id be shy to go out with you... Maybe he just got nervous... Id still say dont try again... Keep acting friendly and wait... Good luck

[IsoUser]

I personally think that you did the right thing, the alternative is that he is probably just shy and not used to a pretty girl asking him out. But for safety's sake just be careful.

[KrakenAttackin]

If he cares about his job he knows to keep interaction with female colleagues to an absolute minimum.

[SunshineBunny99]

if you like him just go low key and be friendly maybe it’ll give him the idea. Boys are dense! 🤣

[Emanon25]

I don’t think it’s a definite no

[heysamecar]

I feel like I'm left in limbo. I've never experienced this response before.