How to deal with GRUMPY, MOODY Boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

For real... Im so tired
But I love him
I dont want to give up on him or leave him JUST becaue he is moody or has a temper tantrum.
But seeing how he spends days drinking... smoking... and beind depressed is beyond me
It affects me, he doesn't want to talk or go out. His mood changes in seconds, he won't stop complaining
Men... WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM YOUR WOMAN IN THIS CASE?
Girls... HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?

[Andres77]

Something is going on with you. I won't push. I won't dig. I love you. Something is bothering you. I want to help... when you're ready. But, baby, you're scaring me. I'm worried. If you need time alone I'll go.
But I can't watch you struggling like this. It hurts.
When you're ready tell me what I can do to help. But until then I'm going to give you some space.
I love you.

If he's the kind of guy that will explode if you say that... write it down and don't be there.

And watch what he does. Promises are worth literal shyt. Don't rely on promises that might just be to "keep you" there.
Actions and actions alone are of any worth.
If you're going to say that in person then make sure someone else that you trust knows and will call you right after you say it.
I hope you both find what you need.

[boggboss]

Every guy is different if he dont want help u can't help him simply put have u let him know how u feel about this

[WhitneySnow]

Get him help. Therapy or counseling or maybe a support group. Sounds like he’s depressed.

[abc3643]

Hit the Eject button.
Move on.
THEN he will have something to be depressed about and eventually he will get his shit together - something that is currently not happening now.

[Asker]

Leave him? with what excuse?

[abc3643]

1. You don't need an excuse. But, the reality is that this may fundamentally be who he is.

Look at what your wrote:
"Temper tantrum",
"Drinking"
"Smoking"
"He doesn't want to talk..."
"... or go out."
"His mood changes in seconds."
"He won't stop complaining."

Is he a boyfriend or a goth kid?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRto8dKJMaU

2. OK, you need to give him a reason, then say this:
"I'm sorry [[his name]], but I think this relationship needs to come to an end. I am not angry with you but I am exasperated were the current situation which is not going to get better. Remaining in this relationship is not healthy for me and I cannot seem to help you, so it's probably best that we end it. Maybe you can find someone better to help you or to share the pain with because I can't help you and don't want to live my life in misery any longer. Life is short enough and I am not going to waste any more of it."

If you can't memorize that, feel free to email it.
Also, optionally, send him a link to this very question of yours.

I could write more and be a bit... I don't want to say nasty... but unpleasant.

For instance, I ended the above with:
" Life is short enough and I am not going to waste any more of it."
and could have added:
"I no longer want to be a passenger on the Titanic and am headed for the lifeboats while you are too busy remaining on board and bitching about the ship hitting an iceberg. If life sucks so much for you, then DO something about it instead of smoking, drinking, and bitching about it."

[abc3643]

* I am exasperated WITH the current situation

[Asker]

Well... I know he is in triuble now
So... i kinda feel selfish
Like hey why dont you cheer me up
He is like... dude i can't im depressed
We dont even fuck you know

[abc3643]

That's terrible, honey!
Yeah, time to move on.
He's not even being a man in the most fundamental way.

[abc3643]

What "trouble" is he in?

[Asker]

Just a sec
Will answer you in a bit

[Asker]

Basically he thinks his brothers will steal his money
He can't get over his mom death in November too
Becaue os documentation problems and lack of money he can't go to his country now to solve this
So he is kinda stuck here reading messages from his brothers and listening to them mock him and humiliate him
He told me today it drives him crazy
He refused to talk said honey im not well ill explain it to you when i feel better. its driving me insane
So... i won't call him

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

He is explicating signs of Bipolar Disorder, depression & mood swings, If he doesn't get help he will get worst also he could show signs of violent behavior

[scott04sa22]

I’m grumpy and moody all the time and I used to take it out on my brother until I found somebody else 😆

[Asker]

Well my boyfriend does it on Me
He doesn't talk for days
He cancels dates
Its imposible to be with him

[scott04sa22]

That doesn’t sound good. There is a chance he could be cheating with those behaviors. You should find a way to talk to him and have him consider doing therapy. I’m not the expert on this. If this been going on too long then you should considered the red flags from your boyfriend.

[Asker]

He says hed never cheat on me
While at his house his house has no other female signs, hair o smell or whatever
Its pretty dirty lol so itd his shit all over the olave and my hair i left like a month ago
So yeah

[Asker]

He says he is depressed and doesn't want to annoy me with his problems
In part its kinda true becaue for some weird reason on weekend he was getting drunk and sending me nonsense messages
Then saying sorry the next day
I said if he is in bad mood stop talking to me
So not sire if its what he is doing to protect me from his rage or there is something else

[scott04sa22]

If he’s depressed all the time then I would recommend therapy

[scott04sa22]

Sounds like depression

[Asker]

He sometimes talks to his ex
And lies he doesn't
I think that also makes him depressed, he said she sells drugs and is a hooker and his daughter called him crying saying she is afraid she will die from overdose
I hate when he talks about her
It makes me sick think he talks to her and hides it from me
But then again, why he would do that if he himself says she is nasty drug addict whore

Today he cancelled my call to him
Saying "baby sorry i had huge fight with my brother over my dead mom and im going insane i can't talk to you now, lets talk when i feel better"
Does it sound honest rrason to not talk to me today?

[Paul09]

Holy crap. He sounds like a giant baby. What do you even see in him? I thought negatively scares people away.

[Asker]

He is perfect for me in all aspects except his mood changes
The rest is perfect for me

[Paul09]

Yeah no. Don't lie to yourself. Or just accept his bitching

[Asker]

Ok then

[In_Trance]

I don't know why you'd wanna deal with this. there's a guy out there somewhere who can't wait to take you out.

[Asker]

Because... i love him?
You dont just drop people around you know

[In_Trance]

Good luck with that.

You need to understand that this is never going to change. Look around and recognize the life you're living. This is as good as it's going to get.

[Asker]

He is depressed
It would be wrong to leave him
isn't it?

[In_Trance]

Hypothetically speaking how much of your life, your time are you willing to wait around while someone else fixes themself? I get it you're not going to walk away immediately, but when is it enough?
Is he fixing himself? Has there been any progress? That would be a good indicator on whether you should stick around or not.

[Asker]

His depression depends on his poor health
Which doesn't allow him to quit disgusting job
Also family +money problems
Which can't be solved unless he becomes a millionaire

[In_Trance]

Lol. Ok. I don't necessarily agree with that. If you have money problems the last thing you need is more money. You need to learn how to manage the money you have before you can handle more.
That's slightly off topic however.

It's up to you to decide how long you stick around for this. I think the best indicator to that is whether he's improving or not, and what he's doing about it.

[FunkyMonkee]

Give him a swift kick in the nuts, once in a while.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Can't feeling sorry for him and get rid of him. Only wil drag you down and destroy your life.

[Asker]

No he is not dragging me down
Im doing great in my personal life

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Oh ok just be careful, because people like that, that refuse to get help and better themselves will eventually bring misery into your life and drown you with it.

[Asker]

Thanks
Hope so

[gabby100]

Dump him..