Is he jealous or just aloof?

[DataOrganizer27]

So, short story. My ex and I (five years broken up) recently have been talking again. Hung out a couple times, blah blah. We've exchanged a few of those eye contact moments and shit but I can't tell how he feels.

Anyway, two days ago he was swinging by and I was waiting in my driveway and he hit the curb. Later he texted me he 'gor distracted by short shorts hahaha, just kidding' then started a stream of texts about summer, his tatas, and lack of sex life' essentially.

Today my boss drove me to a work function and I texted my ex a joke about it. He replied with 'haha you're funny' and then another 'maybe he likes you'. Is he jealous or does he just not give a crap?

Ask for more info if needed. I just want to figure him out.

[spartan55]

Why do women always have to 'figure everything out'? Jealous and aloof are complete opposite emotions, so I'm not sure why you made the notable contrast. Sounds to me like it was just an offhand comment, and it didn't mean anything. Most statements don't have some sort of hidden/dual meaning, especially when they come from a guy. Women can't/won't seem to ever understand this.
If he had a history of jealousy maybe I'd call 'jealous' but I don't know your history with him. And if he was aloof, he wouldn't even been talking to you.
I'll spare you the lecture about how talking to your is not a good idea, but you know that. The phrase "they are an ex for a reason" is very valid.

[DataOrganizer27]

I was using aloof as in the context of being indifferent. And I wouldn't usually even be asking these types of questions, but all the mixed signals I've been getting from him the past couple of months it makes him seem like there's something else behind a lot of things he does.

[spartan55]

Okay, it's same difference. If he were indifferent he wouldn't even be talking to you.

[DataOrganizer27]

We have a kid so I'm pretty sure he'd be businesslike but not entirely out of town.

[spartan55]

According to you he's not being businesslike, so I'm not sure what you mean.

[DataOrganizer27]

I mean that if he was going to be indifferent he wouldn't text me as a friend and would keep it strictly about our child, but he does not.

[spartan55]

Right, that's my point. So why would you think he is possibly being indifferent when he is clearly not?

[DataOrganizer27]

Just more in an I don't give a shit type of way. For example, he tries to get a rise out of me from time to time talking about girls. I usually brush it off and deal with it when I get home.

Sometimes I'll say go get her number then or something and nudge him, but I obviously don't want that. So I guess I was trying to figure out if he was doing the same thing.

[spartan55]

Doesn't sound like it, but I don't know him so it's possible.
Sounds like you may have to have a discussion. I'd be very leary though. Once a cheater always a cheater.

[DataOrganizer27]

He never cheated, it was an emotional thing... I was two weeks post partum and not feeling particularly good about myself. He was staying his first night ever to help with our son and then we start talking about this girl he was working with at his new job. It really sounded like he was falling in love with her to me at the time - it was honestly just infatuation which is pretty normal and had I not had PPD I wouldn't have reacted as strongly, but this led to a HUGE fight.

Do you maybe have any tips on going about talking to him about any of this? I only joined this space because I really need help navigating this situation.. I appreciate your critical feedback too, you bring up very valid points and I like your no bs approach lol.

[spartan55]

Thank you, I appreciate that.
So, you said staying his first night, so you never lived together?

[DataOrganizer27]

No, not really. We were together 2.5 years but we were really young. We had plans to and we'd do weeks at each other's houses when parents were gone (which was pretty often) and we shared bills together but we never lived together.

[spartan55]

Okay, so why the long period of no contact? What changed?

[DataOrganizer27]

I messaged you and I'll answer this one in the messages

[spartan55]

Okay, stand by for a bit. Have to make dinner.

[DataOrganizer27]

You got it. Thanks for your time!!!

[spartan55]

I responded to your pm

[DermalPunch]

I couldn't tell you. I will say this: You need to figure out what you want. Then see if he wants to fit into it. Do you want a marriage? An LTR or a friendship. You need to define and set boundaries. This may lead to some discomfort and parting of ways but it will be way better than all of this murky crap. Unless you are into the chaos emotional rollercoaster thing.

[DataOrganizer27]

Very true. I just recently decided that I'd want to go for it but I have zero idea how to convey or talk to him about it. But you're right. I need to set things straight before this turns into a disaster.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, girl. Do it. You will be way happier in the end. I really cannot tell if he is jealous or not from this thread.

[talka20]

Im more towards not jealous

[Avicenna]

Not jealous

[Sam_The_Savage]

5yr broke up? Lol.

[DataOrganizer27]

Yup lol.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Why all of sudden talking again after 5yrs gap? Lol.

[DataOrganizer27]

We have a kid together. We just started visits last year. He was away for a long time for personal reasons that aren't mine to get into.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Baby you make his butt jealous...😂

[DataOrganizer27]

? What makes you say that? Because I'm getting all over the place with this shit and I hate it. I like things to be straightforward and he just isn't doing that right now lol.

[Sam_The_Savage]

You're staright forward you said what you did but he feel jealousy... it's not your fault. He is just immature or still can't get over you. Lol.

[DataOrganizer27]

He hasn't dated since we broke up and I had one petty relationship at the beginning that ended terrible. (Trying to make him jealous right after, petty shit). We've both been single for a long time..

On the other hand though, I'm not trying to just fuck this guy behind closed doors and sometimes it feels like that's what he wants so I have no fucking clue 😂