Men, what stops you from wanting to marry your girlfriend?

[marish01]

It's very obvious that my question doesn't refer to women, single men and married men.

[DaveJord]

I think a more appropriate question would be what would make you want marry a women and why?

Truth is as single person you have 100% protection of law over your property and income. Once you get married you loss that. People enter into marriage for love, but ends in a legal process and business deal. So you should enter marriage like its a business deal.

Unfortunately, marriage is only contract a person can make with another, were the other person does not have to live up to any of their promises or agreed terms... but still get paid in the end.

Lastly, people get lazy in a marriage. They don't always put as much effort into it. I for one firmly believe that you can have a meaningful committed, and emotionally fulfilling relationship out of marriage, which is probably better than half these marriage people have.

[Keyboardkat]

Are we a bit cynical here?

[DaveJord]

@Keyboardkat Maybe it is cyclical and I understand your point here, but at the same time maybe its just a little too true at the same time. So for those that disagree and have great marriages then I am truly happy for you and you wish all the best in happiness and good will.

For those that want marriage I fully support that as well, but consider the reality beyond the love, with rainbows and unicorns... because marriage is not all about rainbows and unicorns and it might seem that way until reality slaps you across the face and then you're faced with a real business decision.

I for one stayed in a bad marriage for many years, because honestly I was trapped in a situation finically that made it hard to make those types of business decisions... but once I got over that I found a much happier life. That's me and not everyone, but the whole concept of marriage in todays world is completely different than what I was raise with. So cyclical or not I would not discount my perspective and would encourage people to seriously consider the possibilities before seeking marriage.

If I had not gotten married I would be a million and done working at 45. Now I am valued at 600,000 but still working... that's the business side of the deal and how it goes. So that's real none of it is about unicorns and rainbows... but in the end I will be fine and better off for the experience I guess. I say that because I am dating a awesome lady, she is amazing and she wants nothing to do with marriage because she values her independence and freedom as much as I do and it makes the time we spend together and experiences we share that much more meaningful to me. I am happier now than I have ever been. And if that should ever change I will not have to deal with the business aspect of breaking up.

[ArtemisSilver]

Well at this point it's because I'm only legally allowed one wife.

Apparently poly is still bad, but you're free to marry Laura Croft... I don't know, we're in clown world so whatever.

Jokes aside, the question men ask themselves is, "what's in this for me?"

Marriage gives women more rights over men in case of a dispute, but for a guy there's almost no tangible benefit anymore. I married my wife because it made her feel more comfortable having my babies, but we'd already been together for years anyways.

In the absence of religious significance it's kind of an outdated institution and not really a necessary practice anymore. ¯\_༼ •́ ͜ʖ •̀ ༽_/¯

[achilljoeythor]

Yea I'm newly poly and REALLY LOVE it. Man I never want to do monogamy EVER AGAIN... If I could have I'd have multiple wives. Especially since not necessarily religious anymore. Maybe a little spiritual, but more agnostic than anything.

[Lightning8]

I would hesitate if I get the sense that I'm just here for her pleasure, or that I'm here mostly because she thinks I'm simply more hot or "attractive" than the others. That tells me that she loves to recieve love, but it doesn't really make her feel good to give love unless she gets something from it. And that's not good for marriage, because it's a time bomb. If she can't be there for me when I'm down, then I don't want to be down for her. Maybe the sex would be fun. Vacation might be fun sometimes. But in the every day sense, the marraige is probably bound to be high in commercial/aesthetic value, but painfully soulless; because she implicitly thinks I don't have intrinsic value beyond my persona. She loves my persona, but not me. If she is a virgin, she might stay, but depending on her values, I don't know if that makes her love me beyond my persona. I think marriage generally can have its pleasures, but it's not about pleasure. It's about nourishment for the soul, in my opinion. So, for me she doesn't have to look perfect or be very superficially attractive at all. I just need to know that she loves to give love and that she will remain committed to me, and that she therefore can and does love my soul. But people who love to give love are quite rare unfortunately. I understand it's difficult and I work on this with myself too so I do understand that no one's perfect at this except God. I just want to try to embody this and to meet people who have such values

[Lightning8]

Plus, I want love to be something that nearly everyone who is benevolent can have. Elitism in looks and status doesn't appeal to me, probably because of that.

[humpbackjack]

Because she’s not the one that you want to be tied to for the rest of your life. Before I met my wife I messed with a lot of girls and actually had a handful of girls I was messing with when I met my wife but I fell in love with my wife the second I laid eyes on her. I actually went there to beat up her boyfriend the plan was when they answered the door to just go in snatch the dude up and drag his ass outside and kick the shit out of him but when she opened the door and I started to step in our eyes met and I was completely thrown off and stopped dead in my tracks from that day on I started changing my ways. I went from a violent criminal to a husband and father

[andreasderjuengere]

There's a multitude of reasons.
As a few examples:
- marriage is meaningless to me as long as faggots can marry as well.
- it adds nothing to our relationship that we don't already have.
- ''administrative'' bullying goes too far for me to follow up with the ''paperwork''
- I am married with my mind - what ELSE is needed? ... nothing.
- a ''pending'' status makes me (us) more conscious about the relationship.
- ''marriage'' is the one major base that leads to a divorce.
- it's not longer a socially required arrangement to satisfy the nosy neighbours.

[razelove]

Why not married men? If polygamy was legal I'd marry more than one woman. I also think it would remove friction from poly relationships to be able to offer wifey status rather than "third", side chick, what have you.

That's me though, marriage is a large leap that leaves a man with a lot to lose. Generally I'm willing to get married if she's willing to have my kid. Marriage ties down men, babies tie down women.

[Кураж]

The fact that there is no point in getting married.
It provides no benefits and only introduces legal hassle and obligations.

You will become liable for your spouse's debt, your spouse will have to pay tax on everything you inherit because it automatically assumes joint ownership when you are married etc etc.
Marriage is just more ways for the state to control and take advantage of you.

[Adam1978]

Women attitudes towards marriage, ie enough people are treating them as a public toilet. Laws give her stuff and there is no incentive at all for me as a man. So only a liability. If you really wanted marriage as a group you shouldn't have soiled it and make most men look at with distaste. It's not men that is the problem it's you women that doesn't make marriage something appealing for men.

[bamesjond0069]

In general legal marriage no longer makes sense for men under any circumstances unless the man is broke and the woman is well off. So just generally not going to do it. But if i was she would absolutely have to be a virgin.

[marish01]

Till marriage or till dating?

[bamesjond0069]

Till marriage really. Like a man wants to get married? It makes no sense. She really needs to have something valuable to trade for that ring.

[Keyboardkat]

Say, uh, you guys, when does love come into it? When do feelings come into this? Is absolutely EVERYTHING a business arrangement? And by the way, you say she has to be a virgin. Do you apply that standard to yourself, too, or do you believe in the old double standard?

[marish01]

@Keyboardkat he doesn't have to be a virgin in order to want her to be untouched.
You know it is not pleasant for a real man to know the love of his life shared the most intimate thing with others too.

[bamesjond0069]

@Keyboardkat Well since being married has a legal financial obligation, then yes, it absolutely is a business arrangement. Whatever else it may be it is certainly at least that.

[bamesjond0069]

@Keyboardkat She also has to have a vagina, even though I don't have one. What a nonsensical line of thinking that one must personally meet every standard they expect from their husband or wife. Men and women are not the same thing, thus different words for each, thus different standards for each. Do you compare a car to a boat? Damn thats a shitty ass car it doesn't even float!!! lmao

[Keyboardkat]

That's very funny, actually. But I don't believe in the double standard to this extent: I think that guys have an obligation to behave in what we know is a moral and upright manner, just as women do. I keep comming back to that college swimmer (I don't remember his name, probably repressed it) who found a young woman drunk and passed out, and went ahead and used her as a masturbation machine for the next 30 minutes, and his father wrote to the judge that his son didn't deserve such a harsh punishment for "30 minutes of action"! I mean, come on, guys! "Action"? THAT's what you call an assault? Because an assault is what it is. You have no right to this woman's vagina, okay? Getting herself drunk and in a vulnerable position may not have been the most brilliantly intelligent thing she's ever done, true! But guess what? That doesn't give you any rights at all! You STILL have to do the right thing. A real man doesn't look at a woman as a toilet facility provided by the municipality for his satisfaction! A real man protects women, and in this instance would have tried to find a way to get her to safety. The old double standard said that there are the girls you fuck and there are the girls you marry! I think that's disgusting and just plain WRONG, and I never believed in it, even when I was 23 and in college and in that age group that often does stuff like this. I didn't like it then, and as a father of three girls I don't like it now, and I never will. THAT's what I mean by demanding the same standards - moral standards - of one's self that one demands of others, including women! I may be standing on a lonely outpost, but I KNOW that I am right, even if I'm the only one.

[bamesjond0069]

@Keyboardkat rape has nothing to do with what we are talking about so i have no comment on that.

"The old double standard said that there are the girls you fuck and there are the girls you marry!" This is true but not because it "ought" to be true. Its true because it simply is. Men care a lot about a womens sexual past. Women dont care or actually prefer a man with a sexual past. Its just facts. Im not here making a moral judgment. Its a double standard because both men and women as a whole want it to be this way.

Even if we play in the moral arena... your view would say lets shame male "sluts" as well as female sluts since its bad behavior... it still doesn't justify the woman and still not makes her ideal to date. Double standard removed... still doesn't change my original answer to the original question.

[Keyboardkat]

I don't believe I mentioned rape in my post, so I don't know where that comes from.

[bamesjond0069]

@Keyboardkat "who found a young woman drunk and passed out, and went ahead and used her" this is called rape. Nobody here is talking about non consenting sex.

[Keyboardkat]

I'm talking about the double standard. This kid, and his father (by his letter to the judge), show an attitude that "Women were placed on this planet for me to use."

[bamesjond0069]

@Keyboardkat im not sure thats really related. Many people sympathize with all rapists. See women who fuck like 13 year old boys. Nobody really cares about that either. Not sure there's very much of a double standard at all. But tis neither here nor there since were talking about something totally different.

[saintsRow3]

I cheat on my girlfriend all the time.
My girlfriend is going out on a Girls night out tonight. Im Going over to Another girls house After my girlfriend leaves and Im gonna Fuck the shit outta Naomi.
Naomi Loves sucking my Dick Im gonna bring Some Whip cream with me when I go over to Naomi‘s house. And I’m gonna put it all over my dick for when she starts sucking.

[Keyboardkat]

Your maturity, sterling character, trustworthiness and honesty comes through!

[ColHathi]

"It's very obvious that my question doesn't refer to women, single men and married men." - I dunno about that. That question could be hypothetical, or the words chosen poorly, like lots of questions on this site are. Plus, I'm sure more men than just the ones that are in a current relationship have had experience with what you're asking about, so I'm honestly surprised that you don't want their input as well.

[clampfan101]

Before my girlfriend passed away the only thing holding me back was the fact that I was still living with my parents. It’s taking over 10 years longer than it should for me to have my own place and life, mostly due to past issues with epilepsy and recent issues with sleep apnea. I have a job now, but it’s way too late for me to hope to marry her anymore…

[Anonymous]

In general, men get nothing from marriage nowadays, only downsides. Women aren't willing to have children, assume the role of wife or be devoted to only her husband. She usually comes to the marriage with years of being with tons of guys and by the time she "settles", it's only leftovers that remain.

[ImNoOne111]

Difference of girlfriend material and wife material is that I go more picky about the personality. So I might consider someone a girlfriend but may not marry her as she doesn't pass my standard

[wa1t1ngFuture]

if she is pregnant and it is not my child or she has sex with someone even though we are already in a relationship. or he hates my mom or dad and doesn't like them...

[soe11]

Me and my girlfriend are committed each other, live together, vacation together, cooking together, and shre financial together.
Marrying is pice of pepper, nothing more than that for us.
She is my life partner and for her is me same.

[Sevenpointfive]

i'm not sure i'm the type of guy that gets married. i don't see the appeal. i have good people around me and that is all i need for the unforeseeable future

[TommyMountainFigure]

If something is perfect as it is right now for us, and 50% of all marriages break, I believe in keeping the Status Quo

[exitseven]

Before I was married I was in a long distance relationship with someone who lived 1500 miles away. It was the distance that finally drove a stake through the heart of this relationship.

[ohshee]

First I have to find a girlfriend then I will answer your question but that would be somewhere down the road because who knows what I'll do

[Red_Arrow]

You say your question does not refer to single men. If they are not single, then I guess being married stops them from marrying another women.

[AviatorTom]

When I was single, and I was thinking marriage, it was usually she that delayed things, or canceled them altogether.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Usually, when the socioeconomical conditions are not favorable.

[Hanrej]

Misstrust.
Marriage carries no benefits but a lot of negative possibilities. The only reason for me to marry would be to make her happy, she on the other hand could want marriage for any of the wrong reasons.

[serious]

Not being mentally ready to marry their girlfriend. Means waiting for some right time.

[IceCreamSandwich]

I didn't know her THAT well yet. Didn't wanna rush into it. Now I'm really glad I didn't.

[Anonymous]

Basically if I have ANY doubts about her commitment.
All relationships will have their ups and downs. There will be disagreements, it's inevitable. But I have to know that she's committed to us. If I doubt that in ANY way, it's a no go.

[loveslongnails]

My S. O. and I both think marriage is a lame institution, that's why.

[marish01]

You sound like a good Christian for ignoring marriage and God's blessing.

[jasco]

Her anger, how she deals with the word No, how she deals with money and money related problems, how she treats others and so on

[whiskeyontherocks]

I’ve seen to many men have there lives ruined by divorce.
It’s not worth the risk.

[Nigjt]

A bad attitude not what she may think but what I feel is a bad attitude so she can take it or leave it.
God Bless

[Anonymous]

There is no sanctity of marriage anymore. So if the views aren't sacred, then why bother with them? They don't mean anything

[Opinion Owner]

*vows

[Anonymous]

In this society we live in, it is absolutely stupid for a man to marry.
Marriage only benefits women.

[Staximus]

According to you, I cannot answer because I'm single haha

[YoMan1]

Being locked into marriage with a person that I don't love anymore. (Story of my life)

[888theGreat]

Lots of single men have Girlfriends . You are single until married.

[EaterPeter]

Not what, who, myself, I did not have it in me. It became long distance relationship and it slept out of our hand ✋️

[Paul09]

I'm not religious, so I do not believe in that mumbo jumbo marriage stuff.

[HopefulGuy94]

Lol what is the relationship between marriage and being religious , I really wonder actually. Not all the religious people marry nor unreligious don't ;)

[Paul09]

@HopefulGuy94 Well people live to follow the herd religious or not. Son do it for a green card. I'm not sure why you need a piece of paper and a expensive wedding to prove your love. I'm not even sure what the benefit from marriage is. Religion invited marriages.

[Paul09]

*some

[HopefulGuy94]

Such a ridiculuos point of view , everything has its rules , principles , laws or etc. No need to talk about it anymore. But in fact , the banknotes are also papers labelled numbers on it with a hollograms and we see how those paper with people who has much more of it try to take control over it even results in war , riots or etc. Such a limited thoughts , anyway ;)

[Fromdusktilldawn]

that marriage is outdated and to the disadvantage of men

[rebeliouse]

@marish01
wondering if she is the one for rest of your life

[SpaceGalaxy]

not knowing if she is faking or is she being herself when we are together

[corneliusmotrodisney]

Yes, thanks for the invitation, but I'm not available for something like this.

[Loveisgirthy]

Just meh what's the difference

[MrTaboo]

Free sex stops when a ring is put on it

[Anonymous]

she doesn't want to sign prenup.

[motownplayer2000]

Mindset, maturity level, intelligence, laziness

[Cubus]

Unability to find her

[fireforeffect]

I cannot think of a thing.

[Baredog69]

She's not you.

[msc545]

FEAR

[SignedAutographs]

Lots of things

[Zygum]

I am already married

[CubaPirate]

Commitment probably

[Anonymous]

Her cheating