The way I see it, true love does NOT need to be proven whether it would be through marriage or reproducing. Simply either love is there or it is not. The way I also see it, my love life is none of the governments business and neither for the church.
I remember one conversation with a female GAGer on here, where she suggested a simple ceremony, that is pretty much like a marriage ceremony but without the ceremony being overly overpriced and without actually getting married. I called it the "official commitment ceremony" and she had agreed on that one.
Marriage is a hassle and more so the divorce and rigged courts if you have a pe nis.
Because everyone else does
Because religion
I will be honest: So I can divorce and claim alimoney and child support. Yay for va gi na!
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Women, why do you want to get married so very badly?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I want to have something commemorating our relationship and showing that to everyone else. Plus every girl dreams of their wedding at some point when they're small. A day when it's about them and the groom. I want a small wedding just to show we're bonded by marriage. Marriage is not a hassle when you choose the right person and wait to get married. The problem is people are rushing into marriage too early nowadays, so it doesn't mean as much as it used to. My boyfriend and I are waiting until we finish college to even get engaged- we will have been dating 6 years by then.
I'm also not stupid and i am willing to sign up a prenup. I don't want half his cash if that ever happens, and I don't want half of mine gone if we're no longer together. The only agreement I will definitley get that may get money from him is child support (that's assuming I get the children. ) Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Marriage isn't a hassle if you're with the right person. It also provides tax benefits lol
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
Also my boyfriend wants to get married more than I do even... He's traditional and wants people to know I'm his. We will have known each other 14 years by the time we get engaged, and dated for 6, so not rushing things
i've been with my man for 2 years and he's the one who changed my mind about marriage (before i met him, i had no intention of being married at all). that said, we won't be having any kids or getting divorced, and i'm not religious~ it's basically a formality.
if you want to get technical, our laws (at least where i live) state that any couple in a romantic relationship living together for 6 months or more are common-law husband/wife, thus considered married in the eyes of the law. that said, it doesn't protect your assets from a vindictive ex: the only way to do that is via a prenup, which you get by (surprise) getting married.
for example, i was in a 7-year relationship with this guy who told me that, if i ever published anything, he would take everything i had if we broke up. because we were common-law, rather than married, there would have been nothing to stop him from trying... and no one is mooching off my work. #sorrynotsorry
Well I think the obvious point that a lot of men don't seem to get is that marriage officially makes you family. In society but if that doesn't convince you, also legally.
If you think divorce is hard, try splitting up a life when you're not married, because there are no rule for that. But in fact most banks won't even give your a mortgage if you're not related for that very reason.
And then think inheritance, visiting rights in hospitals/prisons, custody, taxes, spousal privilege. Marriage makes you family. If you're not married, in the eye of your government you're two strangers and I don't see why anyone would want that when you're planning a life together?
The wedding doesn't have to be overpriced. It can be whatever you want it to be. If you find that women you date have to have weddings that cost 5 figures, maybe you should take a look in the mirror and reevaluate the type of women you date
I'm pretty sure (unless US laws are very strange) you get most of those things through cohabitation or simply by signing specific documents and the others are highly unlikely to ever be useful to you. But it all sounds very unromantic to me.
Why can't you just ask the family of your boyfriend to consider you family?
@JohnDoe3000 I think all of them are useful. And no you generally wouldn't get those without marriage. Some countries have civil unions which are essentially toned down versions of marriage.
But no you don't get better tax rates by siging some documents. You generally also don't get visitation rights in hospitals let alone put someone in charge of your life. Marriage makes your partner your next of kin, you'll have to do an awful lot of legal work to get the same without marriage, if it's possible at all. Estate tax is the law, there's not document other than marriage that gets you out of it. So... no idea what you're talking about And I know it's a difficult situation because my uncle died young and he had a child and was living with a woman he wasn't married to. And it was terrible. When he was dieing she couldn't visit him. His half of the house went to high daughter, just that she couldn't legally be on the deed because she was 8 years old. So eventually a court
decided that it should go to my grandma who then gifted it to my cousin when she became 18 (subject to taxes). My aunt got nothing of his pension and she didn't get a widow pension either. And I don't quite remember but there was something odd going with their bank accounts, the banks essentially froze the money on their joint account when he died. It was fucking mess and it would have much much easier if they had been married
So I do think it's important. Of course you don't plan to die at 35 but you might and wouldn't you want it to be easier on your family?
Where I live the only positive fiscal difference is in a general tax credit, but it's capped at about $1k, and there are also downsides relating to (student) debt. Custody matters, visitation rights and the low estate tax rate don't require marriage where I live either. But maybe Ireland is just a lot more conservative (actually that's pretty likely, considering it's Ireland), in which case I guess it makes sense to marry for practical reasons, at least if you're not the highest-earning spouse (but women usually aren't) and thus don't run the risk of someday having to give away your stuff and pay a lot of alimony. I guess it's hard to settle these questions definitively when this site is so international.
And oh please... Alimony rarley applies these days if both partners are working. If of course you agreed one should stay at home and I don't know maybe raise the kids then yes there will be alimony, but surley you can see how it makes and is fair in that case? I'm so sick of men always bitching about alimony, tbh I think you and other men are making an excuse here for not wanting to commit. Or maybe you actually believe it/want to believe it but the reality of divorce for men is not as dire as you make it out to be, not by far.
We don't really have student debt here but generally debts (and wealth) you had before the marriage aren't transfered to the other partner I live in Ireland and I think if I was married and we both had my salary it'd be a difference of around 500 more a month between us, which I think is a lot But I don't think taxes are the main point here, again the main point is being considered the next of kin in case something happens
Alimony ALWAYS applies in most countries (and the rules in the country where you live apply, also with taxes, visitation rights, etc...) unless the spouses make exactly the same amount of money. I know plenty of men (including my father) who lost a lot of money in divorces and through alimony on ex-wives who were not, and had never been, stay-at-home mothers. I also know women who have to share in the debt repayments of their gambling/alcohol-addicted ex-husbands.
I think it's vicious to accuse a man who does not need to marry of not wanting to commit (I thought it was about pragmatic reasons) and I could in the same way accuse women citing freak situations (spousal privilege, visitation rights in that 1 in a million case where a hospital would make a fuzz about a long term girlfriend or mother of his children visiting) of using that to trick men into marriages those men don't want (to clarify: I don't believe this, but I could say this if I wanted to be mean for no good reason).
@JohnDoe3000 You only pay alimony for a year and if your partner worked it's a small amount. Not enough to ditch the whole concept of marriage altogether. I think that's a massive overreaction. The only time where you'd have to pay a significant amount is when you make significantly more. Which is statistically unlikely. Most people, even millionaires, marry within a certain income bracket. But you know a big part of why women make less than men is because we typically take years off from work when we have children. So here's a though, why don't you to be the one to takes paternity leave?
And I didn't say that because you don't want to get married you don't want to commit. I said using the idea of alimony in the case of failure as an excuse to never get married in the first place is, well an excuse to avoid commitment
The thing is it's not up to hospitals. It's the law if you're in intensive care only family can visit. I'm sure the doctor won't care but he'd be breaking the law
So ya you might get lucky and they bend a few rules but they just as well might not. But is that really a chance you want to take? Especially if the trade off is... what exactly? I think what they came up in my uncles case was that when it was clear he was going to die they took him out of intensive care so my aunt could say goodbye. But by all means it was way harder than it had to be, just because they didn't get married
Dying or being in hospital is not an extreme scenario. We'll all die someday and it's easier on your partner if you're married. Whether your 80 or 30. And chances are we'll all be in hospital at one point or another way before that. It's not a freak situation
It's not only about pragmatic reasons. As I said a few times now, marriage is about making you family. And if the notion of that itself doesn't convince there are a lot of pragmatic reasons
My father paid alimony for 12 years, a guy at work has been paying alimony for 6 years now and his ex-wife refuses to work full time even though there children left the house years ago (and they were co-parenting). Remember alimony is taken from your net income, so in high-tax countries (like mine) even "small" amounts of alimony make a significant dent in a person's actual purchasing power. Girlfriends are allowed to visit their boyfriend in intensive care where I live, especially if they have children. But like I said, laws differ substantially between countries: lifelong alimony is not uncommon in the US, where most of GaG's male users live.
Lastly I don't believe a piece of paper guarantees or even signifies commitment. Plus you can have non-legally binding marriage ceremonies (personally I might consider one of those).
@JohnDoe3000 Whee do you live so? Look laws might be different in different countries. Nonetheless marriage has advantages and yes disadvantages if you get divorced. But it's not like they're paring you up with a random person. Statistics mean nothing to the individual. What you're essentially saying here is that you have so little confidence in choosing the right person to marry that you decided to ditch the concept altogether. Throw the baby out with the bath water so to speak. Look even if a marriage doesn't work out, most couples are somewhat civil in their divorce. Especially if children are involved. So I don't know but I;m confident enough that I will choose someone I don't divorce someday and even if I do he wouldn't totally screw me over. Because you know you kinda tell what kind of person he/she is before you marry them. So why do you think the person you choose to marry will screw you over in divorce?
I live in the Netherlands. I'm not stupid enough to think I'll have a marriage that's 100 times better than the average. Even if it's twice as solid I still have a 20% chance of divorce, of course I would have a prenup and not let her become a housewife (if she even thinks about that she's not the right woman for me), but still...
It's not that I'm so scared of divorce, but I can understand a lot of other men are. It's that I genuinely see very few advantages in marriage that I wouldn't have with cohabitation. So I tend to see it as something superfluous for people who like the tradition, or who can take a lot of advantage of it fiscally.
i'm traditional person in some cases. however i understand its a risk and investment, which is why i will never force a guy into it , but i want him to know i will have to break it off. sometimes guys use this whole "marriage is just a piece of paper" but sex is somehow a way of connection when they have a much bigger risk (unwanted pregnancy) but they want that all too much. or they'll use "why buy the cow when you can buy the milk for free" kind of attitude, when you let them slide without marriage , i've seen it before with other people. if my future boyfriend never mentions it at all but expects me to know... we do have an issue. most of the time guys never think you're suppose to ask them about marriage, not even mention one bleep.
I'm not sure, I guess girls are shown as little girls the beauty of a dream wedding with the man she loves. It's something that for every women has been romanticized to the point almost every girl wants it. I don't want a wedding but yes when I meet the right guy I do want to be married (getting our marriage license) because I want everyone to see we are married. I want everyone who sees that paper and anyone in the government or anywhere to see that's my man and we love each other and for me saying I do is making a commitment to stay forever. And that's what I want when I love someone, someone who wanta to stay with me forever just like I do him. sorry if that's a hard thing to understand as I know I probably explained it poorly but I don't know how to put it
1) I'm overall a traditional person and marriage is an important tradition and still is in my culture. 2) Marriage is important in my religion. 3) I want to build a home filled with happiness and joy, have my own family. 4) I only want to have sex within my husband. 5) If the couple has good persons , I believe that marriage grants more stability. 6) Overall, I feel like it makes things more official. 7) Weddings are amazing 🎀
For me it isn't a need, but if it does happen I want us both to love each other and feel the same ab everything, all I would want is that no money or anything but just to be there for each other when needed. Pressuring, rushing, or getting married to try to fix/save relationships or wrong reason is not the way to go. Sometimes marriage isn't even necessary honestly.
Who says women want to marry? I never wanted to marry. That sucks. But if i can find the one who we can depend on each other forever, i would love to marry.
Because women have been taught that its just something you have to do or you'll end up alone. This is what women have been taught for centuries. Though its not as strong in society as it used to be, it still kinda hangs in the air for all women.
LOL! My mom wants so BADLY for me to get married and have kids! And when I jokingly, as well as respectfully, tell her otherwise, she becomes upset. I swear, she goin' fuck around till I wind up dropping her like everybody else in my POS family.
Simply put, it's an expensive hassle. And not a worthwhile one at that.
It makes some women feel better when they have a history of exes who were not loyal to them. Having a man propose is a huge deal because it IMPLIES that he will be loyal to only this woman.
I was happy not married- but when we decided to have children we wanted that family unit , same surname.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
It's the romance around the weddings. The commitment that eliminates the fears while dating.
If a wedding will make me really happy wouldn't the guy that loves me want to give it to me even if it doesn't mean that much to him?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I don't. I'm in a committed monogamous relationship but neither of us believe in marriage
2
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
It's shows willingness to commit. Anyone can tell you that they love you and want to spend the rest of their lives with you and just be gone the next minute. This usually shows that they're actually putting those words to action.
When you're a male, I could have a legitimate willingness to commit but when you get married, you now feel more "trapped" (I'm told). So in my opinion I think in the moment it's a great time but for the long run I think it's worse. It always feels better to have an escape plan! You hope you'll never have to use it but it's good to be able to back out. Getting married is basically filling that escape route with concrete and now you HAVE to commit. It's a little different when WANTING to commit than HAVING to commit.
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