Why do so many guys (and girls admittedly) fail to grow up and mature?

Question

I'm not referring here of course to the generally increasing trend that we've seen over the last 30 (?) or so years of young people refusing to move out of their parent's home, but in the increasing infantilisation of their attitudes, dress, language and so on. For example, usage of words like "dude", "badass" and others that one would normally associate with your typical 13 year old is surely indicative of a failure (or just plain reluctance) to grow up.
'Star Wars' and 'Harry Potter' were made for children, and I'm always surprised to come across someone over the age of 20 who still watches films like that. The same with anything made by 'Disney', and all those D. C. and Marvel superhero films.
Back in the 40's for example, adults watched films like 'Citizen Cane' or 'Casablanca'. 'The Wizard of Oz' was seen as being primarily for children.
I'll probably receive a lot of criticism for this question, but I don't care, because some things just need to be said. Generations Y and Zed seem to be displaying an unwillingness and incapacity to take on the world, to confront the issues that grown-ups need to face, and now... I'm sounding like 'Grandpa Simpson'.

Timmy, put down that controller! Get off that couch and get a job ya slacker!

Exterminatore · Accepted Answer

I agree with much of what you said. The problem is one of character. I’m generation X. When I was growing up, and I know it’s the case for most of my peers, there were much higher standards and much more clearly defined expectations. For example, one did not wear sweat pants or crocks or shorts to see a musical or church. Now I see this as common place.

Most of us had 3 choices upon graduation from high school. 1. Military. 2. College. 3. Work and move out or pay parents rent. What was never an option was to play video games all day and work a part time job only while your parents paid all you bills.

You had to pass high school and classes when I was growing up if you failed and got to take the class again or repeat the grade. Not so anymore. They just move these kids right along regardless if they don’t deserve it.

Then there was personal conduct. Again I’m
Speaking in generalities. Sass talking ANY adult would get you a slap across the face when your parents found out. Getting your mouth washed out with soap for cussing was common. Physical discipline was common for most things. Now they call this child abuse.

We are also in a “post Christian” society so morality has declined. Additionally things that were reviled or not acceptable when I was growing up are now celebrated. In my youth there were people who did not believe in God, but society adhered to the same general conduct or at least agreed on conduct. That it was wrong to lie. That it was wrong to steal. It was understood YOU are not the most important person on the planet and you have an obligation to others in terms of conduct.

All of this and other factors have produced now generations who seek and participate in pleasure instead of what’s right. It’s produced adults with no work ethic. It’s produced generations who don’t know right and wrong and think they can say or do anything without consequence. There is no self respect or respect of others because they’ve never been held accountable or punished in a way that leaves a lasting impression. These generations you mention are full of self absorbed, narcissistic, lazy, morally bankrupt, men and women children. This is why they are continually infintile. They were never prepared for adulthood and likewise reached adulthood with the mentality of a child.

Be that as it may, my standards won’t change to accommodate these degenerates. You will talk respectfully to me. You will treat me with respect. You will fulfill your expected societal obligations and duties to me. If you can’t or won’t speak proper English or if you haven’t bothered to learn vocabulary beyond the basics, I will not dumb down how I speak to accommodate you. I will not lower the general standards that were common place to accommodate the weak and lazy who’ve been pampered all their lives. What we see with all this is not minor generational changes. We’re seeing a whole sale scrapping of our way of life as things always were. This is a huge reason for societal decline and unless we return you can be assured things will not only get worse but disintegrate.

BoobMan · Accepted Answer

I think one big contributor is a lack of material need as a motivator (we all have pretty infinite access to the necessities of life now including food, shelter, clothing, and a reasonably safe society; and heck--we also have much better access than ever before to sex, which previously was a HUGE motivator for action).

Another might be a tend toward safetyism.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

You can still enjoy parts of your childhood into your adulthood. Where is it written that you can't?
So many times I see musicians being interviewed and most of them will say they wanted to be a musician at a very young age. So, does a person just wake up one day and say "Well, it's time to start growing up today?".
I am an old woman, yet, in some ways I still enjoy things from my childhood. I still joke around and laugh a lot. All my CD's are from the 60's and 70's and I still love rock-'n'-roll music 🎸🎶. I still indulge in my favorite candy, cookies, Hostess chocolate cupcakes 🧁, etc. At the same time, I am a sensible, mature, responsible adult woman.
Some guys have the Peter Pan Syndrome. They don't ever grow up. That's not cool. People must grow up and become adults and get a job, car if affordable, place to live, pay their bills, etc.
It would be nice if we all could stay in childhood. But now a days, that means a whole different thing then when I was growing up in the old days. Believe it or not, our High school had a shooting, even way back in the early 70's. Also another friend of mine was shot and killed by a friend of his. The shooter thought his friend stole $10. So he got his Dad's shotgun and killed my friend. A girl that was a school friend of mine. While she was babysitting, this man broke in and stabbed her to death with a butcher knife and slit her throat. She was only 14. Her killer only went to jail for two years. These are just examples of how things that are happening now in America, also happened 50 year's ago.
Grow up, but hang on to some of your childhood. Be young at ❤️ heart. 🙂

shaysh87 · Accepted Answer

Maturity has nothing to do with getting a job and paying rent. There are plenty of people on GAG well into their 40s and 60s who still argue over petty facts, petty nonsense.
Its similar to a child throwing a tantrum because facts hurts. What you need to understand about people is that they don't operate off of logical and rationality but rather operate off of ego, emotions, selfishness.

People do not like to admit it when they are wrong, will argue over facts if reality offends them, hate to be called a "liar" even if they clearly know they lied, hate to be told that they made a mistake. I have seen 40 yr olds throw tantrums. Its not uncommon.

Most adults are just like kids but they just are able to hide it better. Some people might seem very mature upon first impression but then secretly aren't.

What defines a person is not age, but their own character that they are born with. I have seen 16 yr old teenagers who are more honest, have a better moral conscience than some 45 yr olds.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because of a culture of freedom and comfort.
I think it´s one of the negative-side effect of the culture of freedom because we live in a culture where any one should be allowed to do anything as long as he doesn´t hurt directly there are no clear defined expectations anymore.
Like in earlier days a young guy that wasn´t married being 27 was seen as a late-runner at best. It was expected that people grow up and and start a family in their 20s.
But nowadays people jump when you talk about such expectations because we don´t wanna hear what we should do we only wanna do what we want to do.
The other problem could be comfort. I agree with you because many young guys and I´m in a way or another a part of it are straight out spoken lazy. The reason why we fail is because we don´t know how. Like I´m 27 and I´m nowhere from being able to marry because I don´t feel ready to handle the responsibility connected to it.
The moment society invented screens, it invented something that helped especially us guys to flee in another world where we have all under control and where finding a solution isn´t hard.
The reason why guys fails to mature because we have too many options to choose from that are more comfortable than going and actually work for something.
Is just me or do other people that are older would agree that before there was internet MGTOW and all those other redpilled stuff was less common.
I think it´s an issue that will be in the future even more prominent because of the growing opportunities that video games and all this stuff offers.

Vickymoore9 · Answer

This is a funny question I think better yet how many people are boring as fuck and hate life and waiting to die! You ever noticed people who ask this are boring as fuck! Maturity is very subjective I have a career as a realtor/broker since I graduated. Bought my first house when I was 20 years old by 23 had a four plex I was renting out. I paid off my home when I was 28 years old. I was making $13,000/$17,000 now $26,000/130,000 a month by the time I was 21 years old and still make that and more depending on the month. I been told I’m so immature selfish stuck up blah blah blah irresponsible. Yet two years out of high school I know I was making more money than most my friends parents. So they say your job and meeting your personal responsibilities are evident to your maturity. Well I am the most mature person I know or I’m just a dam amazing freaking sale’s woman lol. I think people hate happiness silliness teasing joking and feel like a ass of all jokes. Maybe it’s just I think it’s fun being silly and like to feel young happy and enjoying life. I do know one thing being in sales people hate people who pouting all the time.

BeMuse · Answer

If you had any grasp on reality, you'd know the world economy has been in decline since at least the dot com bubble. Cost of living is high and job security is low. When times are bad, families tend to live together. For many generations there were three generations living in a household. My parents both lived with their parents and grand parents in the same household when they were young for a period of time. Boomers were the first real generation to have high college graduation rates and wide spread migration around the nation for work. The concept of everyone owning their own McMansion is a very new idea. It comes with the debt economy. Interest rates were close to 20% in the 1970s. People didn't use to have credit cards. It was hard to get loans. Then all the sudden everyone had credit cards with $20K-50K limits, their were 0% car loans, their were subprime mortgages, etc. and people were spending money they didn't have like drunken sailors. Obviously that is not sustainable and it created a chain of bubbles that have to pop. Those bad economics forced boomers to become two income households, and lead to significant decrease in lifetime earning expectations for generation X over Boomers. By the time Millennials started to enter the work force the entire system was falling apart and the Fed has kept it held together on hope and a shoe string, but times just about up and the entire system is about to collapse. There are runs on the banks in China as we speak... Time to get back to reality...

SkyCastle90 · Answer

You're right about criticism; in my opinion you're being judgmental.

Even though I don't use words like, "Dude, or badass," understand that slang/colloquialisms like this are generational and cultural; much like "Groovy, Dynamite, Out of Sight," were common back in the day, but now are seen as dated and comical. Only time when slang is a hard no is in a professional environment due to how diverse employment can be, not everyone is going to understand that, "Howdy," means hello or "Y'all," means everyone/you all, or how, "Finna," means "I'm going to do...", plus some see slang as unprofessional/too casual.

As for interest, you're a little harsh. What should someone like to be considered an adult? Nonfiction like The Diary of Anne Frank and The Miracle Worker"? Or read young adult fiction books like Go Ask Alice? Nah. You're entitled to your opinion, but a person's interest (as long as it's not hurting anyone) have no say in whether someone is an adult. If you watch Channel 5 Daytona Bike Week @ 11:08 (silly ass channel on Youtube), you got women who works for the Department of Defense wrestling in coleslaw and despite how preposterous this is she's still an adult if she does her jobs well and pay all her bills; she works hard and plays hard.

What makes someone an adult is responsibility and self-awareness. When all a person does is sit at home with no responsibilities or goals they are essentially still a child mentally and it could be partially due to laziness, upbringing, mental illness, and the enabling from the parent (s).

It's best to cherish what makes you smile, whether it be Marvel Movies to videogames because responsibility can be a bit crushing depending on your job/career choices.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

I think it's silly to get caught up on changing vocabulary.

A lot of swear words and slang words today have etomology that stretches back hundreds of years.

Language evolves over time. As does culture. And it's important to recognize the impact the failing economy has had on the younger generations. It's hard to grow into your own person if you can't afford to leave your parents' home.

I do think a lot of people struggle with "growing up", though. The over-reaching paranoia of the 90s parent has kind of stymied the adult children of today. The whole "participation ribbon" generation that the Boomers both criticised and raised are now adults.

A lot of people grew up being told exactly what to do, how, and when. When that happens, it's easy to learn helplessness. Add to that prevailing mental health issues and it becomes a big mess of tangled factors.

So they have to unlearn those habits, learn how to be self-sufficient, and thrive despite all those obstacles.

And frankly, most people can't hack it. The average person is less resilient than they believe, and our human brains will find the path of least resistence - because it's how brains work.

It's easier to try to coast downstream to your death than swim up it to success.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

This is tough to say, but it seems we grow up when we are forced to. In other words, as long as our guardians will allow us to live a protected life and continue to shield us from reality we don't grow. We tend to continue behavior patterns that yield successful outcomes, whether that be high scores on a pinball game or a computer game. Being forced to support yourself and deal with life can be a rude awakening. It changes attitudes. It forces you to draw conclusions about whether the content of a course you just took in college is applicable to the real world or whether it is applicable in your current situation.. And then we come to sex. I can remember my son complaining to me " It's not fair, Why does something so wonderful have to be linked to children?" Sorry about that but it is. If you look at a graph of personal growth one side of the graph would represent selfishness and the other would represent selflessness. When you are a baby you are totally selfish,, That cry is a demand for attention. There is little concern for anyone else. 100%selfish and 0%selfless. As you age the slope of the graph demonstrates about a 50/50 mix through your teen years. By the time you select a mate, it should be a little less selfish and more selfless as your concern for your wife and kids become more important. By the time you are a Grandparent the percentages are remarkably flipped. almost 100% selfless and 0% selfish. There are interrupting influences.

AdithyaR · Answer

By your definition of what an adult does. Adulting sounds boring and dull.
And seriously? Using words like dude and badass makes one a 13 year old?
You're putting way too much emphasis on seeming or presenting oneself as mature than actually being mature.

I have a friend who loves playing video games and absolutely loves Marvel, yet the dude is a freelance graphic designer who who secured multiple well paying projects during his undergrad, buddy's now going for his master's degree and has a job lined up as soon as he graduates. Yet this is the who sat with me laughing for an hour over a funny anime.
At the same time I have a friend who's always trying to act like he's mature and do a lot traditionally adult things. He's an absolute train wreck cause he's more worried about people not seeing him as mature.
I myself love fantasy novels, Harry Potter, Marvel, anime and yet I'm an published writer who's written short stories, poems, a novel and research articles.

Maturity isn't about doing a certain type of hobby or using certain language. It's about finding balance between a livelihood, healthy relationships and doing things you love. An adult wouldn't be bothered with how others judge them. They'd do their own thing and be comfortable about it. They're emotionally mature and know what they want in life.

This went a bit too long but I'm honestly tired of people dumping on hobbies and passions because they're supposed to be "childish".

Ghostluck · Answer

People refusing to grow up almost seems to be something bad going on with genetics to me. Once upon a time, you didn't see random fights breaking out in Walmart or a Fast Food spot. Speaking of fast food you didn't see people throwing their food on the table and raging at the employees just because somebody forgot to add ketchup on their burger. You didn't see a lot of the crazy ways that grown ups have been acting over the past 30+ years.

I wouldn't include one's choice of movies as that indication though. After all, Star Wars used to be a family friendly movie, not a kid movie. There is a pretty big difference there. The same could be said for the DC or MCU. You also have to realize that DCU and MCU has become a large part of our culture because a lot of people literally grew up with them. Comics in general started off being for kids, but over the years comics have matured in to being more adult themed. Basically, comics grew with their readers.

The real question though is why? Why is this happening? Why are grown adults acting like teens with their inability to control their emotions. Answer? A combination of Drugs and the mentality of, "The customer is always right" ... even when we all know damn well that the customer is very much not always right. People have learned over the years that they can act any way they wish, and if somebody of authority attempts to stop them, they freak out and make a big deal about it on the news. Hell, have you watched a video of police interactions lately? Do you see the way fully grown adults behave toward police in which often escalates far beyond what it should? Even in cases where the officer is wrong, freaking out about it has never helped or ended well, yet people still do it because now we live in a society where everyone feels entitled. And that entitlement mentality is what is destroying the image of "adults."

JustiReno · Answer

What do you really expect from people? They are domesticated primates? People came from apes hunting things with sharpened rocks, everyone is inbred, to talk about Chads, what about in the time of Greece and Rome? What morals or ethics do you expect from people though? You expect this to come from the State or the media? You should get that from your parents. So when I think how horrible the average person is for the earth, no wonder the Illuminati wanna kill everybody but 500,000 💀

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Because we can I guess.

downtime playing on a PC, XBox, PS, is great no matter the age.

You can still make hard difficult decisions and watch Brave or Thor after you make the decision.

it’s when the Xbox, movie etc becomes more important than making that decision.

It is possible to be all serious and mature and then next second have a laugh and mess around.

we recently started off (again) a new gaming league of various games, Motor racing, Flight Sim stuff etc with a leader board and clans.

As a boss it’s also a really good way to have that more approachable side where people can chat and bring shit up in an out of work environment.

Oigit · Answer

You come off as immature yourself when you sit around and complain about others and act as everyone should meet your standards. So maybe you need to grow up and mature yourself before you rant about everyone else.

Also I'm entitled to play all the video games I want and spend hours on my off days playing guitar. Because I was raised by a single mother with cancer and have a younger brother. So I was the man of the house in a lot of aspects before I was even out of elementary school and was already working when I was in middle school to help pay bills. When it comes to maturity and life experience as a adult I have already passed people by that are twice my age.

Apple1996 · Answer

Probably cause people aren't having kids, getting houses and settling into serious relationships so they don't have big responsibilities to take care of. This also cause so many people waste time on college or shit jobs before getting a real career. Which makes it impossible to take on responsibilities till later on.
And honestly I don't see a issue with the vid games and movies thing since those are small. I see more of a issue with those that party in their 20s, get fur babies instead of having kids, living with their parents forever like those type of people need to grow the fuck up.

jshm2 · Answer

Nah, I'm sure your parents would say the same thing about you, and their parents would say the same about them.

You've clearly never heard the adage of Socrates:

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

There are many variations and even some credited to different old philosophers. But the message is the same: kids are always seen as "spoiled" and looked down upon by their older generation. It's a story as old as civilisation.

The only difference now is that we actually have a younger generation capable of nuking all of us - if you're not careful.

mstbooblover · Answer

No doubt that medias of every kind do everything possible to keep people immature and dependant on stupidities, but allow me to set things straight concerning some movies, so-called for children: Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. Both series of movies contain opinions, reflexions and philosophical thoughts that no child can understand. There's of course a story that everyone should be able to follow, and there's a far deeper significance for those able to see beyond the story. As always, the truth is not black or white...

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Actually, maturity is realising that giving up the things you enjoy doing, or not being yourself, just because you hit a certain age, it's pretty much the dumbest thing you can possibly do as a person. And honestly, right now, you are being very immature, you are sitting there whining like a child about people having different preferences, habits, hobbies, mannerisms, or dialects than you, as if the world revolves around what you want, and that society should act as you wish.

Well, dude, here is an adult lesson:
The world does not revolve around you, and no one has to give a shit about what you think they should be like.

Subarugirl · Answer

I'm your age and my husband and I both enjoy Star Wars, Harry Potter, Marvel and DC movies. Don't even get me started on fantasy novels and epics like the Name of the Wind and the Wheel of Time... and guess what? We're both parents, our 4 year old is already reading, we own our house, I've been working in the automotive industry for the past 7 years a product specialist and trainer, and my husband is a doctor... I can assure you that we are both very grown up, but growing up doesn't mean you have live a boring ass life because you're afraid that people will perceive your interests as immature... it also means that you should have better things to do that make judgey comments about what people enjoy in their free time.

Juxtapose · Answer

"'Star Wars' and 'Harry Potter' were made for children, and I'm always surprised to come across someone over the age of 20 who still watches films like that. The same with anything made by 'Disney', and all those D. C. and Marvel superhero films."

That just shows me that you don't have a soul in the metaphorical sense. Star Wars alone touches upon deeper concepts in eastern philosophy and has other themes that will not be recognizable for children. I took martial arts for 11 years and I saw a lot of parallels between the philosophy and Star Wars and the philosophy of zen, the western binary of good and evil versus the eastern mysticism and balance, etc.

In a more general sense, men are checking out of society because society has nothing for us 🤷‍♂️

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Well I will say the moving out part is down to housing prices bieng waaaaaaaay over inflated. Even in my home state of Texas which is better about housing prices than most states its over inflated. A typical 3 bedroom 2 bath running in the 120,000 to 150,000 range. But in places like commiefornia that same house is like 1.5 to 2 mil.
As for young men its the result of fatherless homes. Feminism told an entire generation of women to divorce thier husbands for money. And immature young men is the price that society pays for that.
As for immature women its because feminism has tried its its damndest to absolve women of any responsibility. And so young women grow up having never realy faced consequences for thier actions and fail to be able to react to situations.

Anonymous · Answer

Our culture has changed and not for the better in some respects. I actually was very “mature” HS and college student. But I felt like I lost out on lot of the carefree aspects I saw other kids doing. I never had any free time. It was either sports or work. And in my house you WORK which is a good thing.

But in my late 20s and early 30s I went through a Peter Pan stage I admit. I wasn’t mooching off anybody. I paid my own bills but I partied a lot more and dated much (legally) younger women. I didn’t get that fun very often back when I was in college.

However at 33 and 34 it all changed. I got a very professional job and bought a house 2 years later. I want to marry and have kids. But I have a hard time finding decent women who want this too.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

One of the main bitches I've heard about boomers... they were allowed to work while we get restricted to 16 and with parent's permission and then get restricted to a certain amount of hours. Okay we basically get forced to not work when we really have the drive to do that... and we fill it up with video games and snapchat type stuff.

Look up "parasite singles" in Japan in particular. They basically live with their parents well into their 30's and beyond.

Why do so many guys (and girls admittedly) fail to grow up and mature?

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