Is it wrong to be attracted to older guys?

Question

I’m 18 but i find older guys 28 years old more attractive thab guys my age, is it weird?

Seinna · Accepted Answer

I'm going to approach this question like I would if my younger sister or daughter asked me this. I think you should speak about this with your mum too because it largely depends on the guy in question.

It's not wrong for you, but it is a bit of a red flag if a 28 year old pursues an 18 year old. You don't realise it, but you're very very young still. Your brain is going to keep developing for the next couple of years while he's already fully matured. It doesn't have to be a problem, just be careful... maybe he's normal, maybe he's not. It'd be completely different is you were 22 and he was 32 but that's not the case. I can completely understand that you're not attracted to guys your age though, personally I think the vast majority of guys are a waste of time and emotions until they turn at least 22.

Also, your attraction to older guys in general is not wrong, you can be attracted to anyone who's mature and can consent. That being said, anything over 10 years is going to be problematic to a long term relationship... That guy who's 10+ years older now and seems so mature etc well he's going to start aging a lot faster than you. There is going to be a generational gap between you two. It can work... but in my experience and observation it often doesn't. It's a status thing for guys to have much younger girls but it makes the girls look like fools most of the time. Those things of course matter less the older both of the parties are so if you're 25+ and he's 35+. So I'd say 10 years difference at the maximum, once you're a few years older yourself. Besides, when you're 25 you know what you're doing already, you're fully matured etc... so I think your young age is the biggest problem here. I don't believe 18 is some sort of magical number after which people suddenly become adults but it depends on your maturity too. Just don't let yourself be taken advantage of by an older man who's smarter and more opportunistic, be careful.

lumos · Accepted Answer

It's not weird but please be careful. If a guy of that age is chasing teens, there's likely something off with him. I'm gonna have to generalize a bit but, if a guy of that age says that you're "mature for your age" etc and gets on well with you, it likely means that he's immature for his own age.
I'm sure there are some guys of that age who are completely normal and fine. But to me it's most definitely an initial red flag that someone of that age wants to get with teenagers. I'm 27 myself and could NEVER envision myself being with a teen, regardless of how "mature" he seems. Never ever.

Weapon77 · Accepted Answer

It's not necessarily weird. Females are biologically wired to pursue men who are older for the modt part anyway. HOW old is where people differ. Really depends on your reasons. For one thing, a 10 year age difference really isn't awful as long as neither person in the relationship has a lot more power, if that makes sense. The older you get, the less 10 years matters. That's generally how we evaluate if a relationship is problematic as psychologists. The risk of that power imbalance goes up with bigger age gaps, but 10 years might be okay.

Basically, is this an arbitrary thing where you just fixate on older guys for some reason? If so, that's possibly concerning. But my assumptiom is that you just really like emotional and physical maturity and strength that is more often found in older guys, which sounds perfectly fine. Just don't limit yourself to an arbitrary 10 year age difference when you might find a great guy only 3-5 years older or even your same age. And if you still have this preference when you are 30, 15 years oldee might even be fine 🤷‍♂️

Jouth · Accepted Answer

Ayyye I'm 28 ;)

ohsheeT · Answer

From 15 1/2 to almost 16 I dated girls that are way older than me it wasn't until I was 27 that I dated somebody my own age but that didn't last too long because of the things I like to do and she just wasn't into it nowadays at my age now I find that girls that are younger like to do more things than girls my age they like to go out and experience life and enjoy life and that's what I'm all about I think you're going to get all kinds of opinions on here but I think what you should do is do what you want to do it's your life if it makes you happy then embrace it enjoy it make it the best life is nothing but an experience and it's a beautiful experience or it can be especially when you're experience it with somebody that you like and that you're compatible with you're going to find the older men will respect you more they are better lovers they're more in tune with you and I I think if you were happy then do it because I'm going to do the same thing and I don't care what anybody else says or thinks that's their opinion and until they so you know me then I don't really care what anybody says

Anonymous · Answer

I have been in age gaps before with much younger women. Once dated a 21 year old when I was 34.

First don’t expect older guys to “pursue you”. Most of us know we risk looking like creeps if we put too much effort into it. Very risky if the younger girl doesn’t find us attractive. So you will have to give the older guy an obvious sign your interested.

Second off he is in a different life stage than you. You might be stressed about midterms when he’s stressed about mortgage rates. So there can be relatability differences there.

Third off he should be more experienced with handling his emotions and dealing with problems. But he’s still human. He’s going to do things that might upset you and even act immature time to time. He won’t be perfect so don’t expect him to be.

Last but not least depending on the age gap it probably won’t last. There are experiences you will want to have as a young woman (traveling, partying, adventures, etc) where he might be more settled. Older guys are often forced to “settle” into careers and grown up things because society expects men to get their shit together as a provider and protector (whether fair or not in modern times). This means we often have to give up youthful spontaneity. We aren’t allowed to screw up and we nobody is going to save us if we do.

However most older guys love getting affection from pretty young women. Makes us feel younger and attractive. The younger girl I dated fell in love with me for a time. She wasn’t Iooking for a sugar daddy either. It didn’t end well (another story) but we had a lot of fun while it lasted.

Gollum · Answer

No. Girls are attracted to older guys because deep down they look for security and want to be cared for. (That doesn't mean that the girl can't be successful at her job and have a career) but even then they will only date men who can provide. It's just rooted in their genetics since ancient times. (Unless they want to have meaningless fun with Chad and Tyrone which inevitably will lead nowhere)

Guys, on the other hand are primarily drawn to youthful, healthy females who they feel can raise & feed kids. That's why looks are so important to guys. Of course personality etc come into play as well but the decisive factor is a girl's youthful, healthy appearance. The feminists can scream as much as they want, that's how it is.

Back to your question, a 28, 30 year old guy or even above is more mature, has a better grip on his life, has moved past the first one or two shitty jobs so they are more interesting for girls. Nothing wrong with that. At 18 guys are starting out poor, they have nothing to show for but gradually as they build themselves up, they become more interesting for the ladies. Girls on the other hand start out rich. At age 18 to 25 are in their absolute prime, they've got everything going for themselves, it's when they look best and can attract men with no effort whatsoever.

But that glow starts to fade at around 30 and it gets harder and harder to attract men. Doesn't mean there aren't some extraordinarily beautiful ladies in their 40s or 50s, (actress Jennifer Connelly for example) but it's just not that easy anymore.

peedy · Answer

No I believe its perfectly normal
My caveman theory, think back to when we lived in caves a male your same age would not be aloud to have you because the older dominant male wouldn't allow it, many year later when the younge male is finally strong and smart enough to defeat the now even older dominant male the females his own age are now used up so whats left the offspring of the previous dominant male
And for the females this makes sense because they have a lot more time invested into having children so thing are looking for the male thst will provide the most food and offer the most protection, a young male is weaker meaning less protection and also he's rather ignorant and not very good at doing things yet so he needs that time to grow and to learn and she needs the food and protection of the older dominant male
And because we spent 100,000 years living in cave vs a few thousand years being civilized we still carry those primeval instincts with us to this day

If you really think about all the aspects of this theory it does answer why men want young women and women want older men

Signinggirl123 · Answer

That’s so funny I just had a conversation about this with someone earlier. In my opinion you should always date closer to your age range. It’s not wrong to like or have crushes on someone but for practical purposes I don’t recommend it. Although do what you want with your life.

I always love the argument people make saying, “ those guys are more mature than my age group.” I can almost guarantee anyone who is dating someone 10 years younger than them, is at the same maturity level as their partner’s age group.

They may have jobs and they may have a place of their own to live. How they interact with other people/their beliefs/habits will definitely be reflecting in there mental age versus their actual age.

blueberrybrain · Answer

Nope!
I’ve always been way more attracted to my teacher/ doctors than anyone in my class.

Since I was 18 I’ve been dating men 15-20 years older than me. Now that I am 26, my main concern is the type of guys that go for women much younger have their reasons.

It’s not usually a bad thing. It’s just worth understanding for your own happiness

Some look for a younger partner because they want a less serious relationship and don’t want the women their age because they want to settle down. Again not inherently bad, but if you’re looking for something serious then it could end in heartache. Personally I dated older men because I did want stability and some where just not willing to grow up - hence their fascination with younger women.

But there’s definitely hope! My partner is 10 years older than me and he’s amazing but I’m biased.

JustAnj · Answer

In the past I liked a guy who was 12 years older then me thinking he was 6 to 7 years older than me not 12. My limit is 12 years.

The way I see it is if he isn't old enough to me dad which would be around 15 years older we are peachy. :) (Legal age is 18, but my parents had kids starting at 17 and 18) knock down a few years (6) I got my limit.

Why does this matter? Because I don't want to be taken advantage of or used as a (I got a young girl yay!), our ages would not be that distant from view. I was 23 he was 35.

I do have a rule though, if I am 18 I will not date anyone older then 5 years.

The reason being is I do not want to be with someone who has a Lolita complex.

I myself would not date anyone who has not matured yet. Once I hit maturity it would have extended to 12 years.

Finchie40 · Answer

No it’s not weird it’s only weird to people that hold age as a deciding factor. We all have our own preferences on what we like and what we are into , so by you being attractive to older guys it’s probably not the age you are attracted to it’s the maturity level that you are probably drawn to, correct me if I am wrong , As for me I don’t really hold age as a deciding factor , I like younger and older girls , just comes down to the chemistry and connection. i have dated younger girls that were had more maturity then girls my age or older , so age doesn’t really play a role a deciding facror to me , it’s the person that matters

Man-O-Metal · Answer

It's not wrong. At 18, both guys and girls love the idea of an older person as a love interest. The maturity, intelligence, and other things are the reason you like them. The guys around you are still children, just wearing big boy pants. I wouldn't act on this attraction. At age 28, you won't find any guy that's willing to date a girl at your age because they are probably looking to build a family soon and they want someone who has a full time job to help support that. And, if you do find a guy who's willing to date you... There might be something wrong with him. It's just not normal for a guy that age to date that young. So, don't psych yourself out. You're just going through another great part of life and the beginning to figure yourself out.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

It's very normal since they are very often in a more attractive place in life overall than you are, particularly at 18.

The only thing is, if they are so attractive, why isn't he dating women his own age? Does he view them as 'damaged' or 'expecting too much' or 'controlling' or did you meet naturally and age wasn't relevant?

The former is typically reflective of his inability to handle the social pressures of his peer group while the latter means you have the same shot as anyone else. Happy hunting!

fonduegirl · Answer

Technically speaking, those men have better developed bodies, more confidence, are mature enough to have higher self esteem and not be a dickhead to a lady, and most importantly are financially stable. So yeah, you're fine.

However, if you're looking for long term relationship — let me just warn you that that hottie would retire much sooner than you. You'd have to clean his mess as a good wife when he becomes too old. Plus, he can be pedo for all you know. Or he might cheat on you when you get older with a younger woman.

So if you wanna casually date one, do it. Long term? I wouldn't count on him.

RavVid · Answer

Why is it weird? Girls mature earlier than guys physically and emotionally. Guys brains structurally are changing till about 25. In general girls seem to like men to be a bit older than them and ten years older is not out of range.

When I opened the question I thought it was going to be you had a thing for Silver Foxes and there is nothing wrong with that either.

Once we get a couple of years on us I think we start appreciating and valuing girls more. Guys about your age will be mostly interested in your vagina. I know this has been true for me.

grapefruit11 · Answer

No, it’s not wrong. I was the same way. Just be guarded because there are some men who think they can manipulate you or boss you around because you’re less experienced. I thought I was too smart to fall for that, but unfortunately I did. Don’t accept disrespect or bullshit games from anyone.

wheresmrcunnunglis · Answer

not weird but please be careful since guys that are in that age range that are attracted to you. WIll most likely not respect your intellect and treat you as their play thing in response. As they will see you as a naive barely legal lady who they can just mess with due to you being so young.

Just date guys in your age range so there is a less likely chance of them doing what was shared above and manipulating you.

dynamicyandere · Answer

It’s not wrong. But, as someone said before, if you’re going to date an older guy make sure he’s not trying to take advantage of you. They should be someone that has earned your trust, looks out for your best interests, and genuinely cares about you as a person.

Sixgunsound · Answer

That’s the way it has been throughout human history. Women at their most fertile want a man that is the most financially stable who they already know is going to succeed as opposed to taking a chance on a younger man who might fail by that age. as long as both consenting adults know what they are getting into and go into it sober with eyes open and clear understanding I don’t see what the problem is.

Hrumf · Answer

It’s not the I find older guys attractive: guys around my age tend not to appreciate me. My ex was 20 years older than me (I did not intend for that to happen. I thought he was younger at first. Lol!)

Don’t do the 20 years older thing (not worth it), but there is nothing wrong with liking guys a little bit older than you. 10 years older is not discouraged IMO…

shaysh87 · Answer

Most women prefer guys who are older. I'm 26, I only date guys 29-34. But I wouldn't date a 40 yr old man. You're gonna prefer older men up until a certain point in life when you see them losing their hair, gaining weight, wrinkly. Thats when you will start looking at younger men.

Bratsondanielle · Answer

It's not weird at all. Lots of girls (myself included) tend to have older guys. It's very normal. Especially if you're above average IQ. When you're 20 with an IQ >98 guys 20 or 21 seem like stupid kids

torossia1171 · Answer

I think it's disgusting and wrong for a woman to be with any guy older than herself even if she's an adult.

I personally think that only women should be with males younger and smaller than them. What woman needs a taller muscular guy for? Because it makes her squirt?

AnnaTumbles · Answer

I honestly dont know ahaha i guess not , as even i kinda attracted to them haha

SkyExplorer · Answer

Not at all, I was 20 and dated a 31 year old, A lot of people thought it was weird and like I was getting held hostage or something but he was experienced with sex, Was very mature and treated me better than most of my ex's

BellaB8466 · Answer

I’ve been with older guys since I was your age and I love it. Best sex ever and they treat a girl bettter. Nothing. Wrong with it. As long as both are adults.

PatriceONeal · Answer

The women my age are all used up and abused. Feminist. Argumentative and saggy. Unhappy and not fun to be around. Younger women are the best and they make new ones every day. The people getting mad about other people's relationships are lonely and jealous.

Blackcosmo · Answer

Of course not! It's okay to be attracted to older people. Maybe you find older men more mature than guys your age and that's not surprising. Even if people judge you, don't pay attention to what they say and do what YOU want.

Guy13 · Answer

Man... look at all the OLE DAWGS that came in off the front porch for this question. I can see you drooling from here... Leave the girl alone... at least to 21.

mollyyyy37474 · Answer

you’ll find someone who loves you for you don’t worry any older guy will tell you anything just for sex be careful. those type of people are called groomers. they know what to say and how to act you still have a lot to learn.

Anonymous · Answer

Some guys that at 28 still look like they’re 20, or mid 20’s.
So….
I mean I’m currently seeing one, and I’m 24.

I think it’s wrong to like guys that are 30+ , from 18- 26. That’s gotta be a f*king sin lol.
🤣🤣
That would honestly be sad. Why are you not taking advantage of the young hot studs you’re own age or near you’re age…?

DWornock · Answer

It is not the norm. When I first graduated college at age 21 (almost 22), it was easy to date girls age 18 or 19 and their defenses were not up. Now, they are difficult to date and when a girl that age does go on a date with me, her defenses are sky high and they keep their distance.

ReasonCalm · Answer

Nope, you like what you like. Some people like only tall men, some people only like black women, some people only like girls with big boobs... Don't let society ruin your happiness. Just remember if you do have kids will he have the energy and when your 50 you'll probably be looking after him in a Zimmer frame lol.

dianuhhh · Answer

no no no. I, for one, think being attracted to older guys means you're attracted to maturity and stability rather than what boys you're age offer you which is mostly... iffy. it's totally natural and is pretty frequent for girls to date or marry older guys.

Gent207 · Answer

At 10 years age gap you're odds of divorce are 39%. You are at two very different stages in life i. e. a career and living on your own vs. Just graduated from high school. It's just a bad idea overall

PJH359 · Answer

Not weird at all these days. I’m 49 and NEVER get hit on or contacted or pursued by any women my age. They are typically 28-36. And I’m fine with that. Except for some pop culture differences, we get along just fine.

alyssalations · Answer

am eighteen too and i would say it’s because of my daddy issues 😩 - definitely ok to be attracted to older men for sure

saraocarney · Answer

Not even gonna lie I do the same thing I doubt it's daddy issues I have a dad maybe not the most emotionally available one but I don't know who knows

SaartjieJane · Answer

As long as he treats you incredibly well and you’re happy then good for you!

Hopelessromantic53 · Answer

Nope not really. It's quite normal and biological, in my opinion.

lilyanony1 · Answer

Stop! Draw breaks!  Go out there and have some fun...  A 28 year old man has no business with an 18 year old... I'm gonna leave it there.

WizzardGirl · Answer

Uhm... my boyfriend is 10 older but im in my 30s he in his 40s... both in our prime
You are too young for him
I mean my guy and i have stuff in common because both "saw some life"...
You just graduated hight school and he is grown man... if he has same interests as 18 teen thats disturbing for 28 y. o. man
not sure if you get the point here...

rachel776 · Answer

i'm like that too, mostly early 20s though like 24 or something

hyperben · Answer

its not unusual, often (though not always) slightly older guys have their shit together a little more which gives them a little more confidence and makes them appear more capable

Anonymous · Answer

No, personally I’m attracted to older guys. My boyfriend is 30 and I’m 21. They’re more mature and generally better in bed, and have already figured out who they are personality wise and career wise.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Nope. My man is the youngest man I've been with and he's 3 years older than me lol. I usual go for older. My ex's are 10 plus years older than me

laraWM · Answer

Not weird but be careful because some guys are sometimes looking for younger girls for wrong reasons

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

I think it sounds perfectly natural. We are less dramatic and more stable. I’m young enough to be vigorous and old enough to be patient. I flatter myself that can be a dynamite combination in bed.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

Nope that is not weird at all this is your personal preference. I think you need to start making a move on single guys in that age range and see if you enjoy a nice date with them!

brunomarslover · Answer

It's called Daddy Issues... it's completely fine and normal. Just stay safe!

Angela_S · Answer

I'm 25, and have lived with my 36 year old b/f for 3 years, with no problems. When we met and started going out I was 22 and he was 33.

Levin · Answer

It's natural man. We all want something different, novel, exciting. Older guys can definitely give you something younger men can't.

Th3ft · Answer

I think it is becoming more common actually. It seems like a lot of girls are finding older men more attractive.

DermalPunch · Answer

It's completely normal. Men are on the perfect cusp of youth and mature virility at that age. I love men at 28.

TwinTonyz · Answer

Women's input on this is interesting. I would've expected a majority of women encouraging you to stop.

Anonymous · Answer

May I ask why? Im not saying you’re wrong trust me I’m for happiness when it comes to relationships. But have you really thought about why you’re more attracted to older men? Your dad has been in your life all these years yes?

Reaper1985 · Answer

many young girls date older guys because their often more mature and have disposable income. which is why the average couple has roughly a 3-15 year age gap between them.

MrCon10t · Answer

Not at all. In fact, it’s fairly normal. Plus, typically speaking, men usually prefer to date younger, so it just works out perfectly that way.  P. S. I’m older. 😎

Anonymous · Answer

I've always been attracted to older guys, I think it's normal in many women.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

No not wrong, not wrong if they're attracted to you either but they shouldn't pursue you

Sarahr123 · Answer

28 is quite young. Older would be 40+ for an 18-25 year old girl.

hellomellow7 · Answer

No it’s not wrong, I personally like guys 5-6 years older than me.

Ascalafo · Answer

Well, I'm 23 And I'm attracted by the new 18-year-olds, or a little more. There is nothing wrong, maybe you just want a dominant partner.

Is it wrong to be attracted to older guys?

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