Why is he denying his sexuality when he is around me?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy few days ago. He is cute and we clicked immediately. Someone told me he was bisexual and he himself was talking about what’s his guy type. He complimented me quite a few times but I generally thought okay this guy seems like he is leaning more towards men than women, and I’m probably not his type anyways and I’m also older than him by two years. But he ended up always trying to be close to me and our chemistry when we talk is insane, and I feel like although we are talking friendly there is definitely sexual tension going on. Then yesterday he told me about his past relationships, they were all girls and at one point he tells me he isn’t even into guys like that, and told me he isn’t gay. But then he proceeded to say he thinks we could form an amazing friendship if I stay in the town next year. Is this guy trying to have something with me? People swear we are flirting with each other but I don’t even know anymore😂

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Sexuality isn't always a one-and-done thing.

A lot of people - especially your age - will experiment and explore. They may identify differently within spans of months or years. My first boyfriend came out as gay years after we dated.

Buuut there's also a real possibility he got this really bad vibe off you, which I can see as a fellow bi in how you've asked your question, which made him realize you're not a safe person to be around.

I've done similar. It's an open secret I'm bi. I don't hide it, but I don't advertise it much either. If I get a vibe from someone that they're hella straight, I'll just completely avoid topics like religion, love, sexuality, and politics. I'll keep them at arm's length.

I just don't have the time, energy, desire, or want to interact in a meaningful way with people who would judge me for something like who I love or who I am.

[Asker]

Hmm I get what you mean. But I honestly believe its not that. He knows i’m very supportive of any kind of sexuality, our mutual friend is also bi and we hang around all the time. Like for sure he knows I’m fine with it and don’t judge. I’m asking because others have noticed this too and think he might be hitting on me lol🤷‍♀️

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Eh, I don't know.

Your wording is enough to raise flags for me, and I grew up having to defend myself to Boomers.

But in the case he's not lying, he's just realizing.

Maybe he needed to experiment to be sure he's straight.

[Asker]

Appreciate the opinion very much! Maybe I’ve said something that made him feel that way, although I really hope not because I don’t care about people’s sexuality, it’s whether or not they are good person that’s important to me and definitely didn’t want to made him think anything that implies otherwise. Thanks again :))

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Not caring isn't a great stance, either. It's important to him, and with the situation in the US worsening, it's not enough.

You need to care to the point where he feels he can be safe with you. If you support gay rights and are ardent about that - not just "oh, I'm neutral" (because that's what not caring is) - *that* is allyship.

Everything else is either standing by the wayside and not caring when something bad happens, or outright liking when bad things happen to gay people.

Be supportive, not indifferent.

I think you're well on your way, and I hope you do manage to mend your friendship with this person. Whether he's straight or bi, it's nice to have more friends.

[Asker]

i probably used wrong words to express myself and you took it all literally. I’ll go with what I felt, I know who I am and I know how I make people feel around me in real life, that’s all that matters to me. I felt the chemistry and all I meant was sometimes when we like someone we try to let them know by doing or saying different things so that the other person knows we are open to have something more with them. I was asking if that could be the case, because that is how it felt. Thank you for the insight though, I’ll be more careful next time!

[Asker]

also we are both european and don’t follow news in the us that much. he is bi, but has been in relationships with girlfriends only. we have spoken about things and got to know neither of us takes life or anything too seriously really, that’s why we get along so well. :)) sorry again for making it confusing

[Smoke-n-Growls]

No worries, no worries. I assumed you were in the US.

Yeah, maybe he is straight - or maybe he is 90:10 other:same bisexual but finds it easier to describe himself as straight.

Sexuality can be fluid and confusing for life, ha ha - best of luck in the friendship though! 😁

[Invader91]

Admitting to my girlfriend that I liked men too wasn't easy for me either. But I don't keep secrets so I just told her. She didn't really care do long as I stay monogamous, which I have. She likes getting me to check out men with her though when we're out. It's fun and she gets a kick out of it.

[RobT312]

if u like him, continue to see where it goes. there's nothing wrong with bisexual. if he's not craving guys and he's into you, doesn't hurt to try

[Asker]

true, i think it’s what i’ll do :)

[FilmGuy93]

He probably likes you but has little self awareness and doesn't know how to deal with that.

[Asker]

yeah, it honestly felt that way to me too...

[FilmGuy93]

What do you think you're gonna do?

[Asker]

I don’t know. He acts like he really wants to continue hanging out with me. He also made quite a few flirty, inappropriate jokes with me. I think I’ll continue being flirtatious with him, and getting to know him as a person. He already said he also wants us to do work collaboration together just me and him, I got a feeling he’s really keen on me.

[Guy13]

It sounds like you both are meeting each other's emotional emptiness. Not sure if that makes sense but that may be why talk is good. Why not simply leave it there and enjoy that aspect?

[JakeS00]

Maybe he wants to be in his sexuality one day and not the next?

[RuthlessAggression]

Depends on if you believe him

[Anonymous]

Closeted?