I’m completely invisible to guys (like directly infront of them and not seen invisible) What can I do?

[Anonymous]

No matter what I do guys don’t notice me I’ve paraded around school with ballgown on before (true story) and I didn’t get noticed or a second glance and 24/7 I get told people didn’t even know I was near them. I don’t know why I’m so unnoticeable because genuinely I know I’m pretty and I have good personality. If I talk to guy I’ll either get passed off or overshadowed. I’ve just never ever been seen in my life, what can I do?

Updates

+1 y

The ballgown was for Halloween. No one else gave any efforts and I lost to a girl in a everyday outfit (jeans tee shirt) who had a sign on that said princess peach. I wore a 50s pink gown I’d thrifted, a blond wig, and a crown. I felt like complete shit.

[Graci_e]

Maybe people just liked the humour in the other girls outfit. It’s not always necessarily who put the most effort in to have the ‘best’ outfit, especially when it’s a bunch of teenagers. They probably just found her outfit funny.

Most guys aren’t gonna like a girl based off a Halloween costume. A ball gown doesn’t necessarily make you noticeable, unless you’re making a big spectacle of yourself and that’s the opposite of what you’d like to achieve. You probably blended in with every costume there.

What kind of guys are you trying to talk to? What social circles and statuses are they in? Do they have girlfriends or do they like someone already? It could be the type of guy you’re going for.

Not everyone’s gonna like you and that’s okay. You’re not supposed to stand out like that. Most people don’t walk into a crowd of people and command attention. It sounds nice but it’s not realistic. It’s not real so don’t put that expectation on yourself. As long as you got your friends, you’re good. They’re people that are supposed to remember you.

People not noticing you isn’t personal, no one has a vendetta against you. They’re simply going about their own lives with their own friends.

[Graci_e]

And for the part about guys not liking you, that sounds like a problem with yourself. If you’re a likeable person, people will like you.

I’m sure you’re a nice enough person but some people have some icky, hard to deal with traits. I know people who are good people at heart, yet they have some really annoying, other the top, bitchy, yucky traits that turn people off them.

So have a look at yourself and figure out what might be going on. Go to someone who will be honest with you and ask if there’s anything you need to work on. And if there is (and there always is), work on it! You’re only human, you’re not perfect. But bettering yourself is the way to go.

[nitsuj86]

I'm gonna call bullshit. Pretty girls with good personalities don't just get passed over. My guess is you aren't as "pretty" and "nice" as you think you are.

Most people who think of themselves this way rarely are the things they think they are. I think I'm a pretty nice guy, most people who know me would not use that word to describe me, but I would. Who is right? Probably all of them, I don't experience myself the way others do. So if they think I'm an asshole, then I'm probably an asshole.

If no one around you likes you. You can't say they are the ones with the issue, obviously, you are.

You also might be trying too hard. No one likes someone who tries too hard to get their attention. It comes off as desperate and weird. Have the confidence in yourself to not care what others think, and you would be surprised how many people respond to that.

[Asker]

People have described me to my face as the nicest person in our school. So it’s not just me. I genuinely know I’m pretty because I’ve been asked to model on multiple occasions. You might not believe me but genuinely I have no explanation aside from that. I wish e Poole noticed me but they don’t🤷‍♀️

[nitsuj86]

Well, then my guess would be that you are weird. Wearing a full ball gown to school sounds strange, not something that would make me attracted to a girl.

It sounds like you just don't have any self-awareness. Which is why you do weird shit.

If you are so attractive and nice, then go talk to a guy you like. You should have no problem asking him out on a date. Parading around trying to hard to get attention from people is a good way to make people not want to talk to you.

[Asker]

It was Halloween costume and I lost to a girl wearing a signing saying princess peach. I’m more self aware than most people around me and meditate everyday. I dont even like anyone so there’s none for me to ask out.

[Asker]

I spent my whole life unoticed if trying to be friendly and start conversation is how to get people to hate you then obviously I don’t wanna be friends with those assholes.

[nitsuj86]

So you are upset that a bunch of guys you don't even like, aren't paying attention to you... If you don't like them, then why do you care? And why are you trying so hard?

Also, wearing a ballgown to Halloween, when everyone else is dressed up, is not gonna get you extra attention?

The point I'm trying to make is. Obviously, you are lacking in some way. Pretty, nice, interesting, and self-aware people don't go begging for attention. Your inability to call out a flaw in yourself is a lacking of self-awareness. No one is perfect. If you think you are, well that is a flaw right there.

You should ask others and see what they say. People that aren't your friends, that don't care if they hurt your feelings or not. Friends lie to save your feelings.

Other than that. Sounds like you are just looking for the answer you want to hear.

[Asker]

Dawg I don’t know what you want from me when I’m being honest. I don’t want attention from guys I don’t like I don’t go to that’s chill anymore that was a past fucking example. I want to be asked out and noticed like a normal girl, I want to be treated kindly and with respect not laughed at or ignored. That day everyone had chosen to do the bare minimum I put effort and money into my costume and was publically humiliated by losing to someone who didn’t even try. I am not seen or noticed or acknowledged I’m not just attention seeker or something I want friends and a normal teenage age life I don’t get how that makes me so secretly flawed and deserving of not being liked by anyone. I’m sorry if that such a big request and if somehow I hate you want to prove that this whole thing is somehow my fault.

[Asker]

And I know my fucking flaws I’m just stating my positives since you felt the need to bash me from the second you responded to my question. You said I was ugly and rude I said factually I was not. You said it was attention seeking and weird I told you factually I’ve made of point of not being either. If you want to list of my flaws go ahead and ask but don’t say I’m some prideful unaware dick because I corrected you.

[nitsuj86]

You don't get it. Maybe you are being honest, as far as you know, that is how you are. Stop being so defensive and listen to the advice.

You can't sit there and think that it's just everyone else. That you aren't doing something that is contributing to it. You are the common denominator here. That's why you asked the question. And that is why I am taking the time to answer it. You know you are doing something wrong. Otherwise, why would you ask? I'm just trying to help honestly.

You want to be asked out by a guy. Ok... But you don't like any of them. O... k?

So you want to be asked out by a guy that you don't like, so what? So, you can turn him down and feel better about yourself? That doesn't make any sense.

Also, losing in a costume contest is not being publicly humiliated. You just lost a game. That's all.

I'm not saying it's all your fault, but it definitely is some of your fault, and you need to see that. That's all. Realizing this, would solve a lot of the problems I imagine.

[nitsuj86]

Sorry, should have just said. They are all dumb. You be you. Everything will change soon. Good luck. lol

[Asker]

I don’t want to be asked out to reject a guy I want to be treated kindly and be able to make connections with guys so eventually I can get a boyfriend. How else am I supposed to talk to guys if they don’t like me? It not about the fact that I lost it’s about that fact my entire life not matter how much effort I’ve put in I’ve never been acknowledged for said effort. I get your point I get there’s something probs doing but I’ve been troubleshooting this since fucking elementary school and nothings changed.

[Asker]

I can’t ever fucking win against anyone especially someone who’s not even hearing me. I get your point but your not offering anything new, I’ve been told thsi same thing and done this same thing over and over hoping for change and I’ve gotten shit.

[nitsuj86]

Well, then stop doing the same things. If it's not working, do something different.

I can tell you right now your mindset is messed up. Always the victim. That's how you see yourself, and that's why people treat you that way.

You want some real advice. Start taking control of your life. If you don't like any of the guys at your school, find one that you do like and talk to him. Stop trying to impress people so much, just do what makes you happy.

If people talk shit, or you don't win a contest, who fucking cares? You are young, most of the people you know right now are not gonna be your friends in 5-10 years. The people who get noticed in high school, are never the people that get noticed for the rest of life outside of that. It's the ones that make something of themselves. So do that.

[Asker]

That’s solid ig. I do a lot for my future but I don’t wanna sit around waiting for it. I get I act like the victim a lot but tahts ure as hell what it feels like being bullied to chnage to boot be treated like shit and then to still still be treated like shit. Anyways What do do I the meantime between how and hot cool fun stuff me? (And ik this will annoy the hell out if you but there are no guys around for me to chat up…)

[Asker]

Sorry I can’t spell main point being I have chnaged and nothing s chnaged just before I was lonely and ugly not I’m lonely and hot

[nitsuj86]

Well, nothing is gonna happen overnight so just realize that. But what you can do now, is just start going after the things that you want. Like the men you want.

Go places where you can meet the type of man you are interested in. Without knowing it's hard for me to say.

Find out what they like. What are they interested in, what kind of women do they like? Are you that? Do you want to be that? Are you willing to change anything about yourself to fit that? All of these are questions you need to have answers to. If you want to find a quality man, you need to understand what that really is. Not just what you think it is from the outside looking in.

You will figure it out as you go along. Experience builds confidence, and right now you have none. So you need to go out and get some. Even if it's with men you don't see yourself marrying, you need to get in some reps. Practice makes perfect.

Just don't get pregnant or any STD's. That will kill your chances with a lot of men.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I’ll try getting out more and being confident to approach myself and not waiting around.

[Jason_Fallen]

I'm sorry to say you are incorrect with pretty girls don't get passed over many do because men find it difficult to approach a beautiful girl due to thinking she will turn them down it is basic psychology and has been proven in many studies across the years.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need to start dressing in more revealing outfits and start approaching the guys.