How do I cope with being invisible to others, especially to men?

Question

Everyone always forgets that I exist at social gatherings, and even when I try to jump in to conversations, people look unimpressed by what I say. This was even when I was telling a guy about fancy dishes that I like to make, and he responded nonchalantly, as if it hasn't become a rarity that women like to cook nowadays. Is he just not a traditionalist, and that's why he didn't look impressed, or is he a jerk that takes women for granted? Where do I meet men that appreciate traditional women?

RationalMale · Accepted Answer

I don't think guys care if women can cook. Think about it. He was probably 28 or older. He's been getting his own food for a long time and it's not a big deal--my girlfriend loves to cook and it's nice but I don't care if she does.

If you want to impress a guy, do something physical. Rock climb, archery, be physically fit.

Rockstarrrrr · Accepted Answer

Don't try to impress... Don't let your intrusive thoughts win...

coachTanthony · Answer

I wouldn't create an issue off of one dude not giving you attention. All you can do is be authentic and keep meeting new people.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

Well damn... now I'm feeling terrible for not being excited to hear about the fancy dishes a girl can make. What happened here, was a simple miscommunication. It's got nothing to do with him being a bad guy who takes women for granted. There was simply a difference in what you were saying and what he was hearing.

So, to you, telling him about the fancy dishes you cook is meant to show-off your desirebility as a wife or partner. And... maybe... if you're talking about an ultra-traditional guy (like a "women shouldn't work" kinda ultra-traditional) he would have seen it the way you were hoping. But most guys would not. For several reasons.

First, most guys... don't care all that much whether a woman is a good cook or not. I mean... it's nice... but for most guys it's way way way way way down on their list of what they're looking for. It's not something that any guy is automatically going to see as a huge draw. It's just not the thing that is going to make a guy look at you as more desireable than before you just said it. Again, a guy who... expects his wife to stay in the kitchen... might see this as a draw.

But most guys are going to see it as... just something about yourself you're telling them. Like if you were into horseback riding, and talked about that. Same sorta thing.

The other thing is... no guy is ever going to think that you are telling him about these dishes you can make BECAUSE you are trying to make yourself more appealing to him as a potential partner. That's... just not what a guy is going to think.

So that guy doesn't take women for granted, but he had no idea that you were expecting to take particular notice of the fact that you're a good cook insofar as trying to make yourself desireable to him. I would have missed that just like he did. For sure. In fact, I probably HAVE missed that (if any girl has ever told me about her cooking skills in hopes that I would be more attracted to her... then I DID miss this).

So, it's not that this guy doesn't like you. It's not necessarily that he isn't interested in you. It's just a miscommunication. You are feeling invisable, because in your mind... you said something that should get a guy to find you more attractive. Or at least should find that wifely-skill attractive.

But... in most guys opinions (I think... definitely in my opinion anyway), the only reason a woman should be cooking fancy dishes... is if she enjoys cooking fancy dishes. Not as a skill. I would never be less attracted to a woman because she wasn't a good cook. I would never be more attracted to a woman who is a great cook. Obviously, given the choice I'd prefer a good cook. But it's really not a big deal. At least it's nothing that's going to affect my attraction either way.

Now, you sound like you want a super-traditional guy. Because even most guys who would consider themselves traditional... wouldn't see you talking about your cooking skills the way you're hoping/assuming he would. You... really do seem to be talking about the sort of guy who would want you to stay in the kitchen. Ultra-traditional. So traditional, that he would choose a partner while giving a high weight to her cooking ability.

It's kind of like... finding a woman who is excellent at keeping a house tidy (a traditional wifely skill). That is great. For sure. That's ideal. But no guy is going to perk-up when he hears about how dust-free your house is, or how diligently and well you clean it. Unless that guy is looking at a wife primarily as "the person who does my cooking (or cleaning)". Otherwise, it can't be a main thing a guy's going to care about.

Don't get me wrong, a guy will love to taste your fancy dishes. But if a guy likes you... your fancy dishes had (and should have) nothing to do with it. It's a nice "plus" but you have a lot more to offer a man than your cooking ability. It's maybe ideal that a man not choose you specifically for it. Let a guy like YOU... and be pleasantly surprised at what a great cook you are.

I think you're just going about trying to appeal to guys the wrong way. Just talk to them. About anything really. Just, chat... and let them get to know a bit about you and how you see the world. You're an interesting woman. Believe me, you have to be. Your questions are so interesting and odd and just show someone with a very interesting way of thinking about the world.

The guy is going to end up falling for you, as a person. Not for your resume. So just let him get to know you. Just chat about anything, and see what you think of him, as you get to know him as well.

You aren't invisible to men. You are just not putting out what you think you are "to be seen." That guy had no idea what you were trying to say to him. He has no idea that you feel rejected by his non-chelant response. He missed the entire meaning that YOU took from that exchange. It's a miscommunication, and misplaced expectations. That's all.

You're an attractive, interesting woman. Hang in there. You're not invisible to men. The right one will hopefully cross paths with you soon. 🙂

CubsterShura · Answer

Originally when I read your question I felt empathetic because I go through the same struggles due to my ADHD and the way it affects my ability to make and keep friends.

You lost me at "as if it hasn't become a rarity that women like to cook nowadays"... You were telling a guy what dishes you can cook hoping that he wifes you up? Sorry but no one wants anything to do with a woman who wants to put other women down. You want to be treated as special because you cook? Don't get me wrong, it's excellent that you can cook very well and it is a great way to socialize if you invite friends over with some great food... But if you make it about "look what an amazing woman I am, pick me choose me" people can smell that desperation from miles away and it's not attractive. Especially not when you're implying that a man who does not value it is somehow a jerk. Trust me, cooking isn't such a rare trait. It's not like women no longer cook, it is that even men cook amazing dishes.

Work on your mentality, there are lots of resources online to help you with it. Good luck.

Angelo75 · Answer

Looking at your profile picture. You invisible? nahhhh... that's difficult to believe. (mean't as a compliment)

Instead of hoping that someone would reach out to you, you could grab control of the situation.
All human beings talk spontaneously about what he/she likes.
So instead of passively waiting, try to "target" a guy. Then observe what he does, looks at, wears, smells like, etc...
Try to figure out what he is clearly showing an interest in. And then try to engage in conversation and touch that topic he is interested in.
Here comes the filter. Down the road if he's a considerate mature guy, he'll also shift the conversation to YOUR interests. (give and take)
If he only focusses on his interests, he's either self-centered or just haven't matured enough yet to know about the "give-and-take" balance.
Either way, that's not gonna be a good relationship material for you. Just move on "gently" to someone else.

Try that and see how it goes.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

` Scuse me! I didn't know you were here.
I feel the same way! I could be at a party and NOBODY comes to talk to me! They all go into various rooms to talk about whatever they're on about and I'm left alone. I usually keep a deck or two of cards with me so I can play Solitaire. If I wander around trying to get into their convos, they either ignore me or if I try to say something, they act like I'm just not someone to pay attention to! If, while I'm alone, someone DOES come to talk to me, they only stick for a couple minutes.
One day, we were on the highway up to Erie for a gig and the rest of the band was sitting in the front of the van talking and kicking the gong around while I sat way in the back by myself. Suddenly, I heard the tire right beside me making a loud thumping noise at a VERY rapid speed!! They either didn't notice it or just didn't care!! I yelled up to them that something was wrong, they ignored me and said everything was alright. About 2:00 later, the wheel well right next to me exploded!! The van was FILLED with a cloud of rust dust and THEN they stopped the fucking van!! We had to flag down some hillbilly on a back road to tow us the rest of the way to Erie! Thankfully, where we were going was only about 15 or 20 miles away, The point is, had they not ignored me, stopped the fucking van, checked the tire to see that a huge piece of the retread had fallen off, we could've changed the tire and not had to give up the van for scrap and try to find another way home from Erie! But, NO!! I don't know what I'm talking about so, just treat me like Gilligan!! Problem is, most of the time, Gilligan is RIGHT!!

Rosexøxø · Answer

Planets don’t crash into other planets. 🪐

They keep their respective orbits 💫 and they are exposed freely and unapologetically. ✨

You are your own planet and you are your own world, so stop trying to be THAT for someone else, when they are their own, already.

Learn the art of self (self-expression also) contentment and contentment of the world here, which we are lucky to have. 🌎

As for traditional women appreciation… I don't know if anyone does tbh but maybe their attention span nowadays is so short they would need more unrealistic and extended time to just get that.

Don’t be traditional for anybody else but yourself 🤷‍♀️. If you’re proud, then be proud of it UNAPOLOGETICALLY. 🙌 ✨

midnightmoon05 · Answer

There are very few who can relate to you. Till then…keep working to be the best you. So that when you meet others, you can share some common interest.
there are mostly who is not compatible with you. Some would even put you down. Move on…not everyone is for us.
through my short life time…I met lots of people. I learn from many who are extremely smart…but they are not my friend.
there are a few who are my very good friends who share similar value as me. You will be visible to them. As well…I reach out to them so catch up.
guys? You will get there. 😊

TheFlak38 · Answer

There is no such thing as "traditional women". There are only women with no freedom to whore themselves out and fuck a billion guys. Everyone else who claims to be traditional is just a tradthot who knows that feminism isn't trendy anymore and men don't like that anyway. When you live in the west and you have the freedom to fuck whoever you want, travel wherever you want, try new "experiences", choose career over family, why would you give up all this freedom to become trad? Unless you want to show off which is exactly what you're doing.

Stevefiveo · Answer

Hmm, judging from your picture it is hard to believe that you are invisible to men. You are very pretty. I've seen your post on the past and you seem like a nice girl. I'm not sure why you haven't met anyone without knowing you better. As for meeting someone, I guess you just have to decide to kind of man you want to meet and try there. A female friend told me that home Depot is a good place to meet guys because he is full of tradesmen all day that actually have a job. You might have make the first move and say something like what is the best tile for my kitchen or something like that. Although maybe ask your friends where they met their boyfriends. Good luck.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Church/religious places favor traditional.

Do you project negative energy or positive energy? What is the condition of your "heart"?

I cannot judge the guy, sounds like he was giving you a cold shoulder, didn't want to engage.

Time to find some new avenues to socialize. I can ask my Canadian friend where she goes... she finds new boyfriend's quickly in Canada.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Be confident… I know it sounds easy, but that’s the key. When you talk, talk with the confidence, don’t allow anyone any other chance but to listen what you gave to say.

Don’t you dare say that what you say is unimportant, dob’t even think about it. It’s important, you have the right to be heard and listened to. Use that right, be entitled. :P

LiamJHayden · Answer

Most of us are invisible to a lot of other people. Short of being shocking there is little one can do about that. What you can do is identify those who ignore you and then not waste time on those people. There are undoubtedly plenty of guys out there who would appreciate you, but you might have to venture out to locate them.

Legendarylegacy13 · Answer

I don't know but If you are a theift or a shoplifter that would work out wonderfully. Because they never would catch you. You could just drop whatever it is and run.😂😂😂

Inquisitive98 · Answer

You may have to go to the country to find a conservative guy! I feel the same way. When I talk to people they brush me off like dust. Here is what I do, I focus on hip hop and fitness because it takes my mind off things and it is great therapy! I am sure you have some hobbies you enjoy doing. Give it a shot.

John_Doesnt · Answer

If you're talking to introverted people they are never interested in small talk. Introverts like intellectual topics such as politics, religion, science and economics. Also, talking about yourself is not a way to get attention, ask other people about themselves and be a good listener.

aoihewgf · Answer

you dont have to say anything, as a woman, you never invisible to men in general. As for whether you invisible to the small group of guys you want to notice you, that maybe true

Jazzy54 · Answer

Those probably aren’t your people. If you keep searching, you’ll find real friends and a man who’s interested in you. Don’t give up. 😊

EmyyWolf · Answer

I haven’t experienced this tbh

Most of the time I get attention because I’m an A-Hole 😈

I suggest ignoring them all. WTF? Nobody deserves your attention or your company is they’re gonna behave all stupid 🖕

Shamalien · Answer

Try asking people about themselves. Nobody likes someone who just talks about themselves and puffs up

FifiJones · Answer

Are you, or have you been raised by, transgenders? They sexually do not exist, and they enforce their habits on whoever has to suffer their habbits out.

How do I cope with being invisible to others, especially to men?

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