Why did my guy friend tell me he wants to be friends, but we can't be close/best friends?

[Anonymous]

My guy friend flirts with me, especially when drunk. He has a history of saying we should go out sometime, holding my hand, staring at me, hugging me, etc. We've never talked about it because we both get awkward and then he'll say he doesn't remember. He also tells me he still remembers when he first met me (4 years ago). We were having a conversation and he told me that he wants to be friends with me, but we can't be close friends and asked if I knew what he meant. He said he didn't know how else to put it, but not to overthink it. I don't get where this is coming from or what he means?

[boggboss]

Sounds like he is alluding to you two liking eachother so u can't be two close to be honest tho it sounds like u both like eachother but both too scared to make the first move

[Asker]

In the past he said we were like family. When we had this conversation I said he was like a brother and he didn't say much except this. I don't get it. He acts so weird to me.

[boggboss]

No he acts like a guy that likes u but don't know if u feel the same so he won't take the first step

[Asker]

In the past when I've tried to reciprocate he closed off and asked my sister and brother-in-law why I like talking to him. Why? I had to be the one to make a full conversation happen on if we should just cut ties. Like I said above, that's not what he wants either and he said he'd tell me if that's what he wanted. I felt hurt that he's not even willing to get to be better friends. I'm kept at arms length and I don't understand. Then I question if he's genuine.

[boggboss]

Him asking why could simply be him being insecure and not thinking u like him

[Asker]

We talked about how I made some mistakes in the past due to anxiety. I apologized and said I hoped he's since gotten to know me and realizes I'm not some crazy person, I was just in a bad place. He told me, "don't take it as I think you're crazy. I just, I wouldn't take it that way if I were you." Any idea what that's supposed to mean?

[boggboss]

He is simply explaining he dont think you are crazy

[Asker]

I guess I just don't get why this has gone on for so long if he likes me. To me, if someone's interested they're going to make a move and want to spend together, etc. He only gets flirty in person. We used to text a bit but he got weird so we don't talk often now. It doesn't make sense. That's why I feel like he's playing with me.

[boggboss]

So what move did u make?

[Asker]

I asked him to meet up for drinks while we were texting and he didn't answer. We never brought it up again. He just keeps telling me he's going to take me out sometime and I don't reply now. Don't flirt if it's just for an ego boost.

[boggboss]

If thats what u believe then why continue to talking to him

[Asker]

Because our families are close and we have to be around each other at get togethers. Also, I don't. He comes up to me and initiates, even when I avoid him. If he were just some random guy I had talked to for a bit I'd have cut ties. Not that easy.

[boggboss]

U don't have to be next to eachother just stay natural

[Asker]

How would you handle this situation if it were you? The whole thing. I'm curious for an outside perspective.

[Asker]

Also, we've had numerous conversations on how he wants me to teach him to fly my drone sometime. He's always asking to hang out and we said let's make it happen. I asked him why he always mentions us hanging out if he has no intentions and that I only bring it up because he said he wanted to. He told me he doesn't remember asking to hangout. He asks all the time! WTH! Why does he do this?

[boggboss]

Maybe to keep u happy?

[Asker]

How would that keep me happy?

[boggboss]

Because it makes u feel like he cares if he dont

[Asker]

That's just messing with someone's feelings and it's not okay. That's why I offered up not being friends. I'm straightforward, and I'd rather know the truth then play mind games. I'd rather be told to my face that someone dislikes me over fake kindness.

[boggboss]

Where did u take that disliked u he simply didn't like you the same way u liked him either way its clear its better to move on here

[Asker]

I'm not saying he does, I'm saying I prefer straightforward. Something he hasn't been with me. You started this telling me we're both too scared to make a move, and now you're saying it's one-sided. I'm confused. I guess I just want to know I'm not the only one that interprets his actions as flirting. Like, it isn't just in my head. He's an alcoholic so I feel like even he couldn't fully answer this. It's just difficult.

[boggboss]

I'm not 1 sided it's just I can only really comment on your stuff because I'm talking to you

[Asker]

I get that. I meant you went from saying he's alluding to both of us being interested to saying it's all me. If he's not interested, wouldn't he quit being flirty and like that I avoid him, not continue initiating crap with me and doing things like staring and telling me I'm too scared to hold his hand?

[boggboss]

Well thats the thing if from what u say he is nit willing to actually do anything but make comments and plat games then clearly he is doing it only for a ego boost if thats the case thats ehy I said cutting him off would be best

[Asker]

I have been setting boundaries and creating distance. My best guess for his actions is that it's a mix of being a flirty drunk and possibly slight interest but it's complicated because our siblings are married. I've also always wondered if he doesn't want to hurt me and knows he would. He knows my last relationship was abusive and has always been protective of me with other men. I don't know.

[Asker]

Follow up: We finally hung out this past weekend. We went out to a few bars together and he again called me sweet cheeks, kept giving me tight hugs, brought up the day we met again and asked me if I remember it, and he mumbled under his breath that he thought I looked cute. Then out of nowhere he told me we'll never be close friends, told me I'm too scared of shit, and asked what I want. What do I make of this?

[Changiis07]

He sounds like he likes you more than a friend for sure but can't be so close since it could ruin the friendship you guys have