Would you think this was creepy guy behavior?

[Anonymous]

A guy I work with came up to me today and said he didn't want to be creepy, but wondered if I had social media. I said no and he said "oh... well I had tried to look you up and didn't find you, so I wanted to ask". I explained that I wasn't on social media because 1. I value my privacy and 2. I've had stalking issues before. He said "oh" then made some more conversation before leaving.

So was that weird? I know that social media is a big deal these days and a lot of people use it, but was that approach a little weird? I thought it was a little awkward. Shouldn't you ask the person if they use social media before you start trying to find them? And Shouldn't you ask if they'd be ok with you adding them to a social media site?

Background info - This guy has been flirty with me since last week. He just randomly decided to start acting way different around me and talk a lot and flirt. He called me sexy this morning (yelled "hey sexy" at me when I was going in). And for the record, no, I do not like this guy beyond friendship. I don't have any romantic or sexual interest in him.

Opinions would be appreciated. Thanks!

Updates

1 y

Update - he came and asked me today if I had gotten Facebook yet. I said no. He asked why I said I didn't want/need it.

[Anonymous]

Most of the time the difference between creepy behaviour or not for guys from a womans perspective is whether or not she is interested.

I am very much of the opinion that you dont shit where you eat / you dont mix business with pleasure etc.

Though South Park does a great job of mocking the idea that you can't have a relationship with a co worker.

[Asker]

I am definitely not into this guy at all. I was open to friendship possibly, but that'd be it. I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. I have no idea why he's been acting this way towards me. It was like a total 360 switch.

[Opinion Owner]

Right, but if you were into him you wouldn't be asking people if he was being creepy, you would just be happy he was also into you.

[Asker]

Eh I'd be a little concerned if I was into him still due to past stalking issues. I'd be wondering if he was truly a guy I should like or not or if he maybe has some red flag behaviors brewing. I wouldn't say anything if a girl told me she did this to a guy... but I'd be wondering about it and hoping she wasn't being weird or harsssing the poor guy.

[Opinion Owner]

You should just report report this to HR.

Its clearly not ok to 'yell 'Hey sexy' to you'.

[Asker]

I am documenting things and if much more goes on, I plan to.

[Texaskid1]

The guy has a crush on you and looked you up in social media. This is what lots of people do these day. He may not be too socially adept but I would not take it so serious. I look up people's Facebook all the time. If they think that is creepy then why the fuck do they make their lives public and complain about it?

[Snakeyes7]

I don't think so. in my opinion the entire purpose of social media is self advertising. You are essentially putting you at your best forward online. If you make that public, you willingly allow people you don't know to see you at your best.

I don't think looking someone you want to know more about up on social media, in isolation, is a bad thing. It's more of the excess that is where problems start especially if the person in question is pestering you on it or far worse.

[Asker]

The thing that bothered me about it is 1. We don't know each other hardly at all. And 2. He has developed a really weird crush on me it seems. It started last week and has gotten worse. I guess he spent the weekend trying to find me then eventually gave up and decided to just ask if I even used social media. I otherwise wouldn't find it as weird.

[Snakeyes7]

I guess thats a little weird. I guess it depends on where you were but it makes me wonder how else he could have wanted to get to know you even as a friend if he didn't approach. The fact that social media was one of the first topics he brought up is pretty odd now that I think about it.

[Asker]

That was my whole point. Like approach me and ask if I have social media/if I'd be interested in being friends on there. Don't just seek me out... especially after you've already shown some very weird behavioral shifts.

[Snakeyes7]

Ah I understand now. While I think that can be contributed to general awkwardness if i am being charitable, I can definitely see why you'd be weirded out by it.

[Asker]

Thank you for your understanding. It just feels really uncomfortable with how sudden it came on. I never gave him any indication I was potentially interested at all. We barely even talked before all this started. We spoke on 2 very brief occasions extremely casually.

[Panzer21]

Not enough evidence to suggest he's creepy yet, off putting however.

[Asker]

That is a good term actually. It is indeed very off-putting and starting to ring creeper bells.

[FilmGuy93]

The social media convo doesn't sound weird/creepy to me at all. He checked for you on social media, noticed that you didn't show up, so he asked if you have social media. The part where he called you "sexy" is a bit weird, in context.

[Asker]

That is kind of why I got creeped out he was "looking for me". After everything else, it just gave creeper vibes.

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah... I'm not sure why so many men struggle to understand basic social boundaries like that. It creates this weird dynamic where women try to set boundaries with men, those men don't respect the boundaries, and then the women don't know how to comfortably communicate their boundaries with men without being unpleasant in the future because they don't have life experience with men getting the hint any other way.

[Asker]

This is definitely true. It is very irritating. With one of my former stalkers, it started simple. He asked me out, he wasn't my type, so I politely declined. Yeah. Did NOT take no for an answer and stalked me. It was absolutely horrible.

[FilmGuy93]

I can't decide if situations like that are honest mistakes, or if the guy is intentionally being disrespectful (although I'm not sure how much the distinction really matters). I think there are a lot of times when the guy is making an honest mistake and the woman just handles the situation poorly, but then there are situations like your's, where you tried to handle the situation clearly and politely, and still got harassed.

[Asker]

Exactly. I was very nice and just told him I was not interested. That turned into him stalking me and following me everywhere I went.

[20yearsolder]

I wouldn't think that it's really weird, it's pretty common for coworkers to follow each other on social media

[spartan55]

The only thing weird is you trying to make it some sort of issue.

[Asker]

Main reason I took "issue" with it is the background info I shared. You'd think he'd just ask me if I used it and if it'd be ok if we became friends on there. Not just randomly look me up online. I know lots of people do that, but still. It can be weird.

[spartan55]

Girls do it all tb the time.

[Asker]

Not saying that it's right for them to do it either. I know girls can be awful about internet stalking crushes and boyfriends. It isn't right at all.

[spartan55]

I completely agree.

[Asker]

Girls who do that make me cringe. That isn't how you get a guy or show a guy you like him. Just talk to him and get his number, then ask about social media. I don't like it when ANYONE tries to creep around or stalk people. Their gender doesn't matter. It's just wrong no matter what.

[spartan55]

If you follow my opinions on here you will notice I am hardcore anti social media and anti friends with benefits.

[Asker]

Very good indeed. I've never had Facebook, Instagram... none of that. I have no use for it. Need me? Text/call me or come meet in person.

[spartan55]

Is your age correct here (30-35)?

[Asker]

Yes it is.

[spartan55]

So you remember what it was like without social media. I always laugh when I get called a 'clueless boomer' about social media and online communication.
Boomers were MY parents junior. Now go clean your room.

[IAteTwoFullHams]

I agree with you that it was awkward.

I think of creepy as being about two levels past awkward, and I think this one was merely awkward.

[Staximus]

Tell him "let's keep it professional buddy. We're co-workers and that's it"

[jestergent]

How would I be veiwed to others if I took offense at them looking me up online as a guy?

[Anonymous]

A bit awkward but I don't think you should make a big deal about it.

[Vasarion]

It's creepy guy behavior only if he is ugly/ normal

[Jouth]

it's not creepy

but I also didn't read your post

[Anonymous]

A guy would think it was creepy if I did that, so maybe.

[LiamSawyer]

He definitely is interested in you.

[Asker]

Well yeah I know that. He's made that loud and clear. I just thought the approach with the social media thing was a bit creepy.

[LiamSawyer]

A little but not as much as you're making it. It's fairly normal for a guy to lo9k up a girl he's interested in tobdee if he can learn more about her before he approaches her.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input.

[Anonymous]

A little creepy.