Would you call this creepy behaviour?

[DermalPunch]

This has been going on for a year now.

This waiter at a really popular restaurant on my street is always staring at me but can't make eye contact or even say "hello" to me barely.

Once I went to get take out and I sort of said hi because again always staring.

He sort of said something then scurried away and didn't say anything and just kind of froze.

Pegged him as a guy after an ego boost to see if I would come to him first. Or married or otherwise attached.

When he did that, his co-worker, an older waiter who is always so nice to me when I pass by, was looking at him like "you idiot! What's wrong with you?".

I've gone for dinner with friends and he would just be watching us and be in our section when he works the patio.

A couple days ago, I was coming up the street with my youngest (5) and he was staring at her. When I looked at him, he couldn't hold eye contact and stopped staring.

Another day, I went to eat there with my kids and, he wasn't waiting on us but, he was being all friendly with my two youngest kids when they would pass by.

The next day, I went to by some ice cream at the convenience store and he came there just after me and was playing a bit with my youngest. I was having a convo with the store owner and he tried to kind of cut into the convo.

Today he happened to come to the convenience store again at the same time as me. He kind of gave me a look but again no words.

By the way the other wait staff behave and so on, it's obvious he has been speaking about me or they know something about him concerning me.

He's been studying me for a year now. I would be more inviting but I think he has nefarious intentions the way he has been acting.

Would you call this creepy behaviour? Could he be a pedophile and is studying me to see if he could get to my kids?

Updates

9 mo

Guys, I am so grateful for how much you guys have invested in your responses so far. It means a lot thanks ♡♡♡

[JackCarter]

Maybe he just trying to act mysterious to get your attention... staring part can't really help confirm that he is pedo... people do look at kids and think "Aww he's/she's cute" without any bad intentions.

Since he is not willing to open up... I would recommend to unhesitantly (is that a word? LOL) talk to him in private and clear all the mysterious and doubts... people may turn out to be very different than we think once we get to know them...

[DermalPunch]

No. Men know who they want. For one year he has watched me.

Men do this when they are in a relationship, want to cheat but want to craft an excuse to say she came after me.

They also do this when they only have a sexual interest but know the woman isn't easy so they are trying to manipulate the situation and making the woman insecure so he can exert control.

When a man is interested in truly connecting with a woman he doesn't act like this.

I proposed to my ex husband. He rejected me then changed his mind. Looking back, I now realise he settled for me. I will never make the first move again.

[JackCarter]

I understand why you can't make the first move...
Maybe he got his reasons too for not making a move.. who knows

[DermalPunch]

Yes, the reasons I stared above. Cheater or user.

[Billlewis]

That's definitely creepy behavior, but he may also be too shy to introduce himself.

[DermalPunch]

Ok too shy. But why? Even the shiest man will open his mouth. This seems like something is off.

[Billlewis]

Is he foreign born, could there be a language barrier? You know guys are really hesitant about approaching women nowadays, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's just too afraid to walk over to your table and say hello.

[DermalPunch]

Actually, there is a language barrier. I am foreign in the MENA region but he has seen me interacting with people. He knows I can communicate. I speak the language decently and can understand a lot.

[Billlewis]

Then I have two questions --
-- how attracted are you to him?
-- if you're genuinely interested in him, would you consider starting a conversation with him first, to determine whether he's interested in you, and how you feel about him after talking with him?

[DermalPunch]

No. In this society you get disrespected as a woman if you make the first move.

They assume you want sex and will treat you like an object. I made that mistake three times already and I will never do it again.

He knows a lot about me already from the fact that he works right beside my house. I am already vulnerable.

He has to come to me.

He is in good shape and is cute. He could be really sexy but he has this broody analyzing look about him all the time. He smokes so that's a turn off. Deal-breaker actually. Tjere are other things that are dealbreakers.
I think he may sense this.

I haven't really given him a green light because I have stopped getting involved with men who I would want to change. It's a waste of everyone's time.

[Billlewis]

I agree with you, but I think in this particular case, you should consider taking the initiative to start a conversation with him.

[DermalPunch]

Nope. I've been here long enough to know how it would go down. If I do that I instantly become a joke. Respect gone. They have a VERY SEVERE idealize-devalue complex when it comes to women here.

There was another guy who liked me in the neighborhood for a year. He was a bit shy.

I made the mistake of getting the ball rolling and telling him I found him cute and wanted to get to know him.

Ended up flipping the script on me two weeks later saying he found somebody better who was going to have sex with him and dismissed me.

Then he was confused that I cut off all contact with him instantly and pretended he was a stranger when I crossed paths with him.

In his thinking, I made the first move. I'm desperate for him and he can pick me up and put me down like a pair of flip flops.

He has spent longer trying to get me to talk to him again than we dated.

Truth be told, I knew he was mega attracted to me and the feeling was mutual so, I took a risk after I had been burned before making the first move, stupidly, thinking it would be different. It was way worse.

He got a big head because he never thought I would actually date him and he treated me like trash for essentially making his dream come true.

Not giving anyone a millimeter because it is very common behaviour here.

[DermalPunch]

A d the baseline attitude is that divorced women are to be used for sex. I basically can't go out with anyone.

[DermalPunch]

We managed to exchange hellos. I got some take out.

The kitchen is visible at this restaurant and the servers go up to the window.

He was fidgety. Kept fixing his watche. Stealing his face. He wears tight clothes at work. He is way more buff from when he forst started working there so I guess he is proud of all his hard work at the gym.

He was literally teying to show his butt off to me a bit. Not attractive.

Being a bit bossy with the wait staff. Sneaking glances.

Then he disappeared only to see that he took his break when right at the time I was leaving so he would see me walk home. Also, he moved so he could watch me walk away.

I think he's married.

[DermalPunch]

Stroking his face. I say he is married because I think he jist wants my attention for some stupid ego reasons. But i don't loke how he is clearly there talking about me with his co waiters.

[DermalPunch]

Bossy with the cook staff

[Leapfrog00]

no, most likely if he's staring at you, he's checking you out, and him not speaking to you, it sounds like he's shy. Introverts often come off as shy but creepy to others because they observe the world around them, including people they find attractive. Maybe he wants to talk to you but doesn't know how.

Sometimes when I find a girl attractive, I will try to get a glimpse of their eye color and they will catch me. Oops! Usually, they don't say anything.

Shy people often come off as creepy though because when they stare, they may want to start a conversation but don't know how. Even if you said hi to him, he may have been too shy to say anything back. You could always ask him a question to break the ice, like "How late is the restaurant open?" and then play dumb and tell him you had this really good dish or desert but couldn't remember the name of it. I've been doing stuff like this for years, and it always works for me because when asking questions, usually the other person feels obligated to answer. I hope this helped.

[DermalPunch]

But what about the staring at my daughter? And my eldest said she said she saw him staring at another lady with a kid once. He's young, fit and attractive. Doesn't make sense to be SO interested in a single mom with three kids. Makes me wary.

I'm in a society (MENA) that isn't used to seeing divorced women with kids who are independent and not depending on a boyfriend (or a few) or family and are doing well for themselves.

He sees me basically everyday coming and going and just studies me. I don't like it since he won't speak.

Also, here, if a woman makes the forst move she is instantly considered easy and get pressured for sex. Especially since I am divorced and have kids. I can't talk to him first. It's just the way it is here.

[Leapfrog00]

I understand what you're saying. Even if that's the way things are there, that doesn't mean you can help what kind of feelings you develop. I mean, unless you think he's a 100& creep and would like him to stop looking.

I'm not sure about him staring at your daughter. It's not much to go off of, unless there are actions involved. I stare at people all the time, but I live in dangerous area, so I keep my observational skills at peak.

And about guys and girls with kids, everyone's taste is different. There are some guys that would never date a girl with kids and then there are some, it doesn't matter to them. There's 8 billion people in the world, and every person is different.

I really wouldn't take it as creepy just yet. I mean he could be because you never know, but he could also be shy. If he's staring you down, checking you out from head to toe, he should probably stop doing it so much to where he's getting caught. I'm sure there's more to it though.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, there is more to it and in my experience it's always something horrible. I've got a lot of things to manage right now and I'm not letting some guy distract me. I've got my life together and it's been going from strength to strength. People have changed in the way the treat me in the neighborhood so they sense it too. Sadly, everyone who I have tried to get to know has been on the take.

[DermalPunch]

Oh, and one time, I was in front of my building helping my son practice b-ball. He and his coworkers were all there smiling and looking. He stood across the street just watching my son that day and me too. Then his other waiter friend was doing it too and they were talking and smiling.

[Leapfrog00]

yeah, I know what you mean. The guy sounds unreadable. There's a lot of shady people where I live, so I understand what you mean there. It sounds like you live in a not so great place too.

If he's sending off creepy vibes, ask you yourself if you are good at picking up other people's vibes. Some people think they are but they're not, and some people are really good at it. If you are, then you should probably listen to your gut.

He still sounds shy to me, since he doesn't say anything and just stares. Shy introverts will do that, but I would still keep my eyes open. It sucks that you can't talk to him at least once because sometimes someone may come off creepy, but then when you talk to them, they're not, and other times you find out they are complete creeps.

Definitely keep your eyes open for a while. At least he's glancing over from a place of business and works there, rather than stalking you. This is quite a mystery!

[DermalPunch]

No, I live in a great place. The people are just a little complicated. I think he is working up the courage to say something.

Bottom line, I lose if I go first.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Only if he want's YOUR kid specifically because of some transference of "youness." Most pedo's fixate more on the easier to obtain ones, which yours doesn't sound like it is. he/she... whatever... forgot what you said

[DermalPunch]

Ok that's interesting. I'm sure there are pedos who may like a challenge. PLOT TWIST: I wear a niqab so could he be studying my daughter to guess what I look like?

[BoopBoopBeep]

That's a big plot twist. Yeah I think that's far more likely.

[DermalPunch]

Well, I hope so.

[Akam93]

It does sound creepy but I can't tell from just staring.

[DermalPunch]

Well the staring is creepy. But if I walk through the restaurant to go to the washroom, the cooking staff stares to. Some of them will even look at him when I come in. So I got suspicious thinking he was saying untrue stuff about me.