My Boyfriend looks at me with total disgust during intercourse and barely touches me anymore. It has gotten worse after the baby... is he cheating?

[Mommabear88]

So I have been with my b f for almost 8 years now and we have 3 kids. I put on 20-30 lbs since our baby was born 2 years ago. Before he used to make comments about how beautiful and sexy I was but right before I got pregnant he started drifting away and now it's like he has totally jumped ship. I have to fight with him to spend time with me and I practically have to bed for sex. We do it maybe once a week and when we do its all about him and thats it. I noticed tonight when we were doing it that he had a look of total disgust on his face. What should I do? I'm desperate to fix this, I love this man to death and I do everything I can for him. Please help!!

[PrettyPriya]

I’m so sorry to hear that you are having issues with intimacy with your SO. That is supposed to be the one thing you share with him and no one else. It is a special thing in a relationship. At least, it should be.

Now, as to whether that means he is cheating. No, it doesn’t mean that. It also doesn’t mean he isn’t. There isn’t enough detail or context to determine that, so I won’t even make a guess.

What does seem to be lost is that connection that you once had. I do not have children yet. However, my intimate life with my fiancé is definitely not what it was in the beginning of our relationship. We have not been together nearly as long as you have with your SO.

I find that once you get past that “honeymoon” period, things begin to normalize and you get into what I call a rhythm of life. Intimacy takes a backseat to the more important things.

Does that mean he has to look at you in disgust? No, not at all. Perhaps you need to find that spark you had. Think back to the beginning and what made you both want to be intimate with each other. Can you recreate those moments? That is what I would be trying to do. Make that time special instead of routine.

I hope this helps, even a little bit. I am more than happy to elaborate if you have some more details. Best of luck.

[Mommabear88]

Thank you! I have been trying to get him to go out and do some of the things we did when we 1st got together... we hung out and got to know each other for a month or 2 b4 getting intimate and during that time we had some of the best times of our lives. Then we had our 1st son planned and shortly after our 2nd son and then things started to fall apart. Right after I had our youngest he admitted to me that "he loved me, but he wasn't in love with me anymore" and that he needed to "find himself". That killed me! He left for a week and finally came home 1 day. I don't know if he came home cuz he ran out of options of places to hang out/crash at, or what. I try to tell him how I feel and he just shuts me down and says "he isn't doing this right now" or he's not arguing with me. I can never tell him my feelings or talk to him about anything. We used to be best friends and tell each other everything and now its like we are roommates with kids if that makes sense

[PrettyPriya]

I won’t lie. I got a bit teary eyed reading your response. What I am about to say brings me no pleasure at all. I think this is over. He has mentally checked out and is no longer in love, for whatever reason that is.

Perhaps it is the responsibilities that he doesn’t want with the children anymore. That is hardly your fault. You both made decisions to have kids. That is his responsibility too. He sounds immature at this point. Only caring about himself and not you, your children or your relationship.

I don’t have children, yet. But I can only imagine how devastated you must feel having him say the things that he has said to you. I see in your reply that he brushes you off when you want to talk. That is so sad.

Communication is a key element in a relationship and he is ignoring it. Without the ability to talk and reason with each other, all is lost. I am so very sorry.

Since you are level 1 Xper, you cannot DM yet. However, I would be more than happy to send a message if you wish to talk in private. I just feel so bad for you. I would be more than happy to give any support I can, even if it is just chatting about life in general. Please stay strong and hang in there.

[Mommabear88]

Yes that would be great, I feel like I have no 1 to talk to. So please message me I would greatly appreciate it

[EmmaMary]

I'm pretty sure you've asked this very same question not so long ago. 🤔

[Mommabear88]

Pretty sure thats my 1st post on here so u got me mixed up with someone else

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHGirl.

[Anonymous]

Chances are he doesn’t find you as sexy as you used to be. Considering your age, having had 3 children that nature has done some damage to your body. There’s no need for him to marry you, you’ve given him everything he wanted w out committing. It’s possible he’s met someone else, maybe at the least checking out other women.

[stratford]

Have you tried mixing things up in the bedroom or getting kinky? Is there secret kink or fantasy you or he have that you coud explore?

He may be just tired and stressed from parenthood and work!

[stratford]

Thanks for teh MHO - have you worked it out?

[HelloImGoodThanks]

Its possible he is cheating, It also doesn't necessarily mean he is cheating. The sad reality, I have heard stories of men being turned off and no longer being attracted to their girlfriends/ wife's after they have given birth and gained weight.

[HelloImGoodThanks]

I just saw your other comment about where he said he was not in love with you anymore, this could be why you are having to beg for sex and why he looks at you the way he does because he doesn't want to have sex with someone who he is not in love with. I think it is time for you to move on from him. I know it is devastating and heartbreaking and extremely hard but when someone tells you they are not in love with you often times those feelings sadly never return no matter how much we want them to

[monkeynutts]

You are pretty. It's common for women to put on weight, having to look after little ones, means you have less time for yourself. I guess the best thing you can do is try to exercise more, and be careful what you eat, maybe relationship counseling could help both of you.

[Apple1996]

Awhh that is so sad 😔 he might be cheating but might not be if he loves and cares about you.

[Guy13]

Sounds like a guy who is angry in sex🤷🏻‍♂️

[Anonymous]

He’s just a boyfriend. He’s not a life partner and he will never marry anyone. Once things get difficult for him, he will just leave because he is a child.

[Mommabear88]

Your probably right

[Nobleone]

He's not attracted to you anymore, because you gained a bunch of weight.

[Flower7]

Why not try losing the weight?

[Mommabear88]

I'm working on it and when I mention it to him he pulls the " oh honey ur fine!" Card

[Anonymous]

It’s probably the weight gain from the pregnancy

[landingout2]

lose weight

[Apple1996]

It's not easy for moms to lose weight after having babies

[landingout2]

@Apple1996

first recover
give it a few months to a year before exercising

[Apple1996]

Nah I'd personally never try to bounce back. I've had 3 kids and pregnant with my 4th. My body changed from having kids and I'm completely okay with that. Mom's don't need to be talked into losing weight/bouncing back

[landingout2]

@Apple1996

ok w/e

[Mommabear88]

@Apple1996 amen to that!