What does he want?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks. He’s asked me on two dates, asked me to come out with him and his friends, asked me to sleep over sometime, if I’m looking for a relationship, if I like him etc. he’s told me he likes me, but then says he’s not ready to jump into a relationship and needs to heal, but wants to see where things go? He rarely sends good morning/good night texts or keeps up communication throughout the day (his job is long hours and quite demanding). Why would he act like this if he doesn’t want a relationship?

[FilmGuy93]

He doesn't know if he doesn't want a relationship; he's known you for 2 weeks. He couldn't possibly know what he wants with you. And you couldn't possibly know what you want with him. You haven't spent enough time together to know what your interactions mean; it is literally impossible that either of you could know anything about the future at this point.

He wants to spend time with you, figure out what kind of connection he has with you, and then move forward based on that interaction. That is as good as a reaction as you could possibly hope for at this stage of the game.

Think about how you developed your closest friendships. Did either of you "just know" from minute 1 that you would be besties? No, of course not. You hung out once, kinda like the vibe, so you hung out again and still liked the vibe. Then you hung out again, and so and so forth. You didn't realize that your bestie would be your bestie from the first minute you saw her, so why would you assume that you would feel a romantic connection, which is even deeper than your best friendship, any faster?

I'll never understand why so many people approach dating like you're supposed to have this immediate, sparks flying, 1000% definite "I want to spend the rest of my life with" energy from the word "go." That's just not how relationships work.

[Asker]

It’s not that I want to know immediately.. I’m more so wondering if the “wanting to see where things go” is a red flag based on the fact that he also explicitly said he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship.

[FilmGuy93]

Okay, that’s good. So I guess the answer to your question is that it is not a bad thing, no.

[DaveJord]

Sounds to me that he's not over his last relationship... the whole he needs to heal thing?

Usually guys looking to get laid are more attentive to their prospects. So to me, as a guy, when ever a women says anything like wanting time, space or need to heal, with the hot and cold thing, it's a red flag to me. I cut and run.

Truth is this guy might be a good guy, and maybe all he needs is one or two rebound relationships before he can get his head back in the game. Question is do you want to be his trail run before he achieves the right head space to actually become dateable again? It really seems to me that you might be the type of woman he would consider, but at the same time he's conflicted because he's not sure what he really wants.

I know when I got divorced after 20 years and painful divorce, I had to hook up a few times with a few different women before I got back into the game with the right mindset. I didn't set out looking for rebound relationships, but wanted to have relationships. I wanted to date and just see if it built into something more. So I chain dated a few women... before my current one of last 8 months and I am not sure if that's going to wotkout long term.

At end of the day he sounds like damaged goods, and he's not ready to date yet, or is not over his ex... she might still be in the picture for him. I know for me my ex was definitely out of picture so I was attentive enough to explore the possibilities with other women... I had my closure and it sound like he's still looking for his.

Move forward with caution is my advice... don't have sex with him unless your willing to run the course with him. If you do have relationswith don't hurt him, and might fall harder for you then normally would without his history, or get freaked out and ghost on you... but if yoy hurt him you could ruin him. He seems valuable to me, so I'd let this one go.

[Anonymous]

Well two weeks is no time, so I don’t blame him for saying he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship. I think you should ask to be clear about if he wants one eventually or not at all. Intention is everything and it’s better not to waste time if you aren’t on the same page.

[Anonymous]

As the other person said. He might not be over his last relationship and just needs some time to heal

[Apologies456]

Just dating and sex without commitment or calling you his girlfriend that’s what he wants