Does this count as cheating?

[Graci_e]

My boyfriend is pretty great and I love him lots. He’s good to me. I find it hard to trust people and I was just coming to trust him but now I’m not sure.

I can own this, I kinda messed up and I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. But I have a fake Snapchat account and I added him on it and messaged him on it. I’ll add the screenshots in here but I dunno where they’ll end up on the page haha

He said he only reacted the way he did because he didn’t realise it was me, he thought it was done crazy girl that really wanted nudes. He also said ‘I thought I was messing with some crazy bitch, but I was messing with my girlfriend’ like he felt bad.

He reckons he always does this with annoying girls, he messes with them and then blocks them. Apparently it’s fun and he does it with his friends sometimes. I had no idea he did this.

I don’t think he’s lying, I think he’s genuine. But how he handled the situation was shit and he kept saying things like he didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d get upset. And bring a bit of an arse.

But that aside, do you reckon that’s still cheating even though he didn’t have any intention behind it besides messing with them?

I wish I carried it on and saw if he sent anything but I got too pissed off.

P. S I also called him cute in that photo snap and he said ‘thank you’ and was snapping his face back and stuff

[crmoore]

To preface, I definitely see why you got mad and acted the way you did, but like you said, we'd have a much more definitive conclusion if you carried on with trying to get him to trade.


When it comes to cheating, my perspective is that if you haven't explicitly spoke about that particular action/activity with your significant other and you have to wonder whether that action is cheating, then it's cheating.


The problem is that you kind of caught him in what would be a middle ground, where he expressed interest in what would be cheating, but didn't quite get to the point of cheating.


I'm always hesitant to express opinions that may lead to breakups because it would be a real shame if I was wrong and caused two otherwise lovebirds from being with one another, but I can't say I'm convinced that he was just toying with her and that he does these sort of things for fun. That seems like something he just made up as some story based on the information he knows you know. Like, if you hadn't revealed it was you so soon, I'd be willing to bet he'd have had to come up with a different story/excuse based on the fact that he did send photos of his abs, or other things.


I think he genuinely would have wanted to trade. Even if it was just his abs that he'd be trading, it would still be cheating because he is trading his photos with the intent that another person receives some sort of sexual gratification. (But, for example, it wouldn't be cheating if you two spoke before and and agreed that sort of behavior is not cheating).


I feel like the fact that he's in a relationship, thinks he's talking to a random girl, is being called cute, and then continues to send photos of his face back, seems off since it doesn't seem like something a guy who would say "sorry, I'm in a relationship" would do.


However, IF we assume he is telling the truth, and he was just messing with her, then I wouldn't consider it cheating IF he never would have sent any ab photos (or other revealing photos). But in this case he's still being reckless because things like this can easily be misunderstood and look like cheating, so he shouldn't be doing it in the first place.


Now, all this being said, we only have access to the information you provided. And you didn't do a poor job explaining or anything, but the nature of text-information is that we are left without things like body language, tone, pitch, and many other things that can help someone analyze a situation/person. You on the other hand do have access to that information (which isn't easily explained through text), so I would say lean towards your gut feeling, as your brain is picking up on those subtle ques and you have a better understanding of the situation than the rest of us.


However, something else to be said (and I hope this doesn't come across as rude or dismissive, that isn't my intention), but you're "young and in love" (or maybe love is too strong if a word), and love can be blind, especially at a young age. Trust me when I say this is something every person experiences at a young age. And later in life we look back and say "what was I thinking? It was so obvious." So while my advice is "go with your gut," I also think you should take a step back from the situation and try to look at the big picture, and think about how your feelings and your appeal for him could be affecting your thought process. re-state://background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[crmoore]

You can ignore the jibberish after "re-state://", the text from my note app has additional information that isn't compatible with G@G, lol.

[Graci_e]

Thank you, I think that’s the best answer I’ve ever gotten on this site haha.

His reaction to when I called him out was really suspicious. I texted him and told him I knew and then he went to his room and called me. His body language was weird, he didn’t go ‘no no no, I swear it wasn’t like that’. He looked kinda defeated. The way he acted afterwards was shit too, I have text message screenshots with him blaming me for ruining his run and stuff.

I don’t know if he’s just really fucked up and manipulative (because I definitely know they exist), but when he ended up explaining it to me and reassuring me, he seemed very genuine and honest.

Another possible reason for his first reaction is that he thinks he’s a really nice guy (and the thing is, I agree, he’s a nice person) and I don’t know if he appreciated seeming like a shit person and knowing he fucked up. I dunno.

I’m thinking that when I see my cousin next month, I’ll get her to add him and snap him for me and we’ll see what he does. It sounds shit but what other option do I have?

[crmoore]

I'm glad you found it helpful.

And yeah, I feel conflicted. In some ways I feel like him looking defeated is him feeling like he was caught doing something shameful (as in, he was willing to share photos), but on the other hand it isn't unreasonable for him to feel shameful for (allegedly) just toying with the girl when he knows that still isn't something you'd appreciate. I'm leaning towards him feeling guilty because he did have intention of sharing photos with her, but it's worth noting the other possibility is within reason as well.

But I do agree a "no no no, it's definitely not like that at all!" or something similar would have seemed like a more fitting response.

My head and my heart can't agree on whether it's okay to trick your significant other in these ways, but I'm not as opposed to it as many of the other people appear to be in this comment section. My brain says "well, technically you're attempting to deceive your significant other, and that's wrong." But my heart says "well, it's not that bad. And it helps you determine their loyalty." So I'm not opposed to your cousin trying. But I do have two things to say in this regard.

1. If you do it too often, that's when my "heart" begins to disagree with the morality of it. You dont want to make your partner feel like they have to constantly wonder whether what theyre experiencing is real.

And 2. He unfortunately will be on-guard when it comes to these sort of things for the foreseeable future, and possibly for the rest of your relationship. So it might not be as easy for you, or someone else, to get him to do this, or similar things, again.

[Graci_e]

It’s so fucked up and annoying. He swears black and blue that he didn’t do anything. But he slips up sometimes and isn’t completely honest.

I asked if a girl had ever sent him nudes because of his ‘trick’ and he said no. But I asked again a night ago and he said that one has.

I just don’t know what to think or believe. I wouldn’t think in a million years that he’s the kinda guy that would do something like that. He’s way too good to me. I could swear he wouldn’t. With the way he treats me, it doesn’t add up. But it’s so fricking suspicious and weird, and it doesn’t sit right with me.

The way he reacted to me was weird. He sent an angry paragraph basically saying so what if he tricked them and that I shouldn’t of found out and ruined his fun. He also suddenly turns into a bit of an ass when I bring it up (not that I bring it up a lot).

He doesn’t make me feel like he’s being completely honest.

I feel shit that I tricked him but at the same time, he was the one who was acting inappropriately. And if I try and catch him out on it again, what does he expect? I need to know somehow, it’s always in the back of my head.

I hope he’s not too on guard, I think my cousins account will look legit enough to work.

[crmoore]

To start off, you'll have to excuse my late response. I know time is of the essence in this ordeal of yours, and I'd imagine at this point there may be things I need to be updated on. But unfortunately I've been fairly busy over the past few days.

I do find it suspicious that one say he says he hasn't gotten nudes, and the other day he has. To play devil's advocate, that could be him merely forgetting initially and remembering the second time you ask. But I wouldn't say I find that idea very convincing. It seems more like he was being mistruthful initially and more honest the second time, as you seem to be leaning towards as well.

And again, I don't want to definitively state "yes, he is bad, don't be with him." I think all I should do is offer my perspective and let you come to your own conclusions and decisions. But regarding your "he's so good to me," there's a relatively common saying that goes "all the bad guys know all the right things to say." Meaning, a lot of bad guys know what to do or so to convince their partner that they're good, when unfortunately it isn't the case.

However, another option is that he actually is a decent guy, but he's young, not as mature, and possibly just downright horny or something. Young guys don't have the self control (usually) as adults. He may have had complete intention to stay faithful to you, but unfortunately didn't have the strength to in a time of temptation.

Though thr angey paragraph telling you that you shouldn't have ruined his fun doesn't sit right with me. Like, I don't really think he's in much of a place to be scolding you. Though it could be him trying to find an excuse to vent his frustration on the matter, when really he's just upset he got caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

And I hope your cousins account will work, as well.

[crmoore]

Though the angry*

[Anonymous]

If he actually went through with sending images of himself and/or received the nude photos from some mystery woman, I personally consider it cheating. Or at the very least, a crimson red flag. 'Cheating' is when someone gains romantic/sexual gratification from someone other than from their significant other. This includes flirting and sexy photos.

One thing I will say is that having some random female ask for nudes very rarely happens, so I can see how a guy would be somewhat amused by it and try to toy around with her to see how far it goes. Your boyfriend did not appear to be flirty, nor did he go through with the trade (thanks to you).

But if you went through the trouble of pulling this stunt, then perhaps there are trust issues in this relationship.

[Graci_e]

He’s done this multiple times to many girls behind my back. It wasn’t just the first tike. Apparently girls ask to hang out a lot so he plays along as a joke and then removes them off his snap.

I would normally agree with the trust issues thing but I did not think for a second he would even add the account back, let alone engage with it. I was shocked. It was also an account I’ve had sitting there for ages.

[Graci_e]

I don’t talk to guys unless I know them and they’re my friend. I don’t add guys back on snap. If a guy speaks inappropriately to me, I tell him I have a boyfriend and engage no further. I was shocked that he even added the account back or snapped her.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess I can't fault you there. I wouldn't add some strange woman either, and I would also say that I'm already taken, but that's just you and me.

Right now, it's hard to place judgement on him with just this evidence. it does raise an eyebrow, but he didn't come off as serious to me. Still, now that he knows you're tracking him like this, it will only get harder and harder to catch him. Whether he's guilty or not, I imagine he's on his guard now.

You're just going to have to trust him.

[Graci_e]

Yeah I guess I’m gonna have to trust him.

If he reacted better than he did, like actually go ‘wtf I would never do that to you, I swear’ instead of justifying it and getting mad and accusing me of ruining his fun, id trust him a whole lot more and I wouldn’t have been so upset.

I guess in a few months time, I can try and retest him or maybe even when I see my cousin next month (she can send her face and stuff and I can text). It sounds shit but he brought it on himself.

[weysally]

cheating comes in many forms, to me cheating is if you do anything that you can't tell your SO, even being on G&G, if your other half doesn't know, my husband know that I chat to people, we are in an open marriage with restrictions, one of the rules is we tell each other all that goes on, on the spur of the moment one day, I had sex with a guy, and I didn't tell my husband immediately, two weeks later, I cheated, but it wouldn't have been cheating if I had told him right away,

[Anonymous]

Yes it's obviously cheating but you know like it's always like that. Your age is pretty young, but wanna big hint? They dont change when they grow up...

[Vikkrram]

See if your boyfriend told you about this incident himself then it's not cheating at least he is being honest wid you.
But if he didn't told you that and you confronted him and he was making those excuses and showing himself as a great guy then it is a red sign.

I am just telling you mine opinion

[Graci_e]

Yeah I agree. It happened about a week ago but I’m still really upset with him.

[Pot8o]

This is like some FBI sting operation where they bait some sucker into buying guns from an undercover agent and then send them to prison for years. You created the situation you're mad about.

[Graci_e]

Actually no. I can’t be to blame for finding out that he was doing the wrong thing.

This was an account I’ve had for ages, way before him. I never even expected him to add me back, let alone snap me and act inappropriately. I didn’t consider it for a second. It was just a spur of the moment thing to add him, I never thought much of it.

He’s guilty. Not me. I didn’t create any situation, this was his fuck up. I admit it, it was a shit thing for me to do and I shouldn’t of done it. I agree. But I do not agree that the situation was just my fault because he’s the one that betrayed my trust.

[Pot8o]

YOU added him, YOU suggest you guys swap nudes. For a guy, he showed admirable self-restraint. He refused to send a dick pic despite the odds of you finding out being tiny. He even referenced you and called you "special".

No one is perfect, but I think your behavior here is worse.

[Pot8o]

My bad, I read "in person" as referring to you.

[Graci_e]

Honestly you’re not worth my time in a response

[Pot8o]

Same

[switchfan22]

I’m now fully convinced you’re a troll account @Graci_e

[JamesDiaz11]

Yes, but at 15 years old there's very few guys who are gonna turn down some sexual sensation. You shouldn't even be dating seriously like this at this age.

[Graci_e]

I’m almost 17 and I don’t think that’s an excuse, I don’t think we should excuse boys behaving like that or girls for that matter.

[JamesDiaz11]

It's not an excuse, but that's a main reason it's not a good idea to get into a relationship in high school. The guys do not have the maturity to constrain their sexuality, even with good intentions. Girls talk about "wanting sex just like guys," but they have no idea how absolutely crazy for sex guys are in their teen years- we'll literally try to have sex with inanimate objects, and it'll be on our mind constantly. It would be extremely uncommon for a guy in high school resisting something sexual from a girl who approaches him about it.

[Pot8o]

Disagree, it's far more unhealthy for guys to never experience romance in high school and later grow bitter and feel like they've missed out, for evidence look at all the examples of dudes resorting to murder-suicide and offering their lack of female attention as the impetus. How are you gonna get good at relationships with no practice? How are you gonna understand women with no experience? Relationships with women can mature a guy and make him a more grounded, responsible person.

[Graci_e]

I’m sorry but that’s not true and it’s not an excuse. We should teach people accountably, respect, morals and decency. We should not be excusing cheating, being disloyal, sleeping around and wanting sex so bad you’ll hurt people for it. I’m sorry but no boy is so sex craved that they can’t be loyal. If you cheat, you’re just a shit person.

It’s actually good for teenagers to date as long as they do it in a healthy manner. It builds skills that they’ll carry into their adult relationships.

And to be honest, I actually hear of more girls cheating on guys than I hear guys cheating on girls (at least for the people I know, it obviously varies and both genders cheat). I know guys that genuinely want to date a girl and grow old with her and be a sweetheart. I also know guys who haven’t had a girlfriend and reject drunk girls throwing themselves on him. You know why? Because they want to wait until they the right girl.

Give boys more credit. They can hold back and have basic human decency. I have a feeling it’s yourself you’re speaking for and no one else.

[JamesDiaz11]

Typical woman- can't tell you anything without your delusional rose-covered glasses coming into play, as well as "I know this one exception; so, I'm gonna believe what I want..."

[OlderAndWiser]

First question is whether the two of you have had a discussion and agreed to date each other exclusively?

[Graci_e]

Yeah we have

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Okay, so HE didn't initiate the conversation.
2. As far as you know, he doesn't have a second/fake SC account but you do.
3. He should be wondering why YOU have a second/fake SC account.
4. You asked for naked pictures, not him.
5. He responded that he doesn't send nudes; he only lets a partner see him nude in person.
6. He never asked to see you in person, because you immediately jumped in and revealed yourself.

So. . . summarize what YOU did wrong in this scenario, and then summarize what HE did wrong. I think you owe him an apology!

[tobr83]

I would classify it as cheating, sorry to say

[tobr83]

Did anything happen or you still with this guy?

[tobr83]

@Graci_e

[Graci_e]

I’m still with him and nothing much has happened really. He’s still an ass when I bring it up and I’m not 100% sure he isn't guilty.

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

If you feel it in your heart, If you feel it in your soul

I don't want you to pretend, I don't wanna be alone

[Matthew80]

Social media is the worst shame on your for tricking him and shame on home for sending a d pic? Shouldn't be doing that

[Graci_e]

This is an account I’ve had for ages and I never thought for a second he’d add me back let alone snap me or act inappropriately. I added him on a spur of the moment thing without thinking, and obviously it happened for a reason.

I admit that it was a shit thing for me to do. But he’s the one who fucked up here.

[Anonymous]

Girls who play shit tests deserve to be single.

[Graci_e]

What about the guys that actually do the shit thing?

That was an account I had sitting there for ages. I didn’t even expect him to add me back let alone snap me or start to talk so inappropriately.

I admit it, I fucked up and I shouldn’t have done it. But I certainly don’t deserve to be single. He fucked up worse.

[Opinion Owner]

Guys flirt because we don’t get endless attention women get daily so it’s our way of validating ourselves. l since we don’t have it handed to us like women do.

[Graci_e]

Fuck off with that 😂

[Opinion Owner]

You don’t have to like it. You come from a place if great entitlement and privilege. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.

[Graci_e]

Why do you think I come from a place of entitlement and privilege? I don’t and I know exactly what it’s like to struggle, better than most people.

[Opinion Owner]

Tell that to the society that literally caters to your gender. Is geared towards providing and protecting you, removing most obstacles, and making life as comfortable and as consequence free as possible.

Your “struggle” does not nullify the endless gynocentric nature of society as a whole.

[Graci_e]

My father abused me and my family. He put me in hospital multiple times, including the time he smashed a glass frame over my head. I was sexually abused from 11-14 by multiple men. I’ve grown up poor and with a struggling single mother, I’ve lived in a tent because we couldn’t afford rent. My father kidnapped me when I was 13. I’ve been sexually assaulted in public (so badly he’s now in jail). I currently have an abusive step father but we can’t leave. I have Asperger’s. I have anxiety. I’ve been raped by my boyfriend.

I know full well what struggle is so you can get lost with that nonsense.

[Opinion Owner]

You HAVE endless shelters, programs, funding, housing, and other social benefits, etc at your disposal… your refusal to use them or ignorance of them, does not make them less of a privilege.

As a male, there are zero shelters for abuse, no one believes you can be abused by a female, especially sexual. There is no funding, housing, programs, etc.
which is why 99% of the homeless are men and why most suicides are male.

[WhitneySnow]

I think it’s cheating

[Summeroflove]

You shouldn’t be sharing nudes at 15

[Graci_e]

I don’t share nudes

[Summeroflove]

I know how to read. It’s so clearly in the screen shot you’re asking him.

[Graci_e]

Read the post

[Summeroflove]

I have. You messaged him on some random account asking for nudes. Then you got angry that he was not happy with you…..

Would you rather him send some photo of his chicken neck and gizzards to some random girl? How do you feel when random dudes you don’t know message you asking for this stuff?

Yeah. It seems truthful. He didn’t know it was you.

[Summeroflove]

And again assuming you’re both minors. It’s illegal.

[Anonymous]

I can talk to you about this. Can you message me or follow me so I can message you?

[TheMoralCrusader]

Stay away from this guy.

[Anonymous]

its wrong... you were right

[Msputiton]

.. not good

[jjj101010]

Sounds a bit weird trying to catch him out

[jjj101010]

Did u split up then?

[Graci_e]

Yeah I agree, but it was an old account I never use and I never in a million years expected him to add me back yet alone snap me or go so far. I was shocked.

[Graci_e]

No we haven’t, I’m still with him and I’m choosing to try and trust him until he either fucks up or nit

[jjj101010]

I suppose I have something similar

[jjj101010]

Message me if u want and I’ll explain

[jackinoff]

He's trading nudes with randoms sweetie

[urpapi69]

This is cheating