Why does my best guy friend treat me like his girlfriend, but says we're just friends?

[Anonymous]

My best friend and I have been friends for a long time now, and recently he started showing affection towards me and acting like we’re dating. We’re very comfortable with each other and I mean REALLY comfortable. We would send each other voice memos of us farting and rating it. We could talk about anything and do anything together. Yes, I do like him, but I’ve never confessed or did anything to make him think I do. Recently he started doing affectionate things like hugging me from behind, holding my hand in public, kissing my head in front of people, cuddling, etc. We’ve even slept on the same bed together while spooning. Sometimes he would say really sweet things to me that a friend wouldn’t say, but a boyfriend would. But we never kissed or did anything beyond that. He initiated all of it and I always went along with it. Random people would tell us that we’re such a cute couple, and he never denied it. Just recently, he randomly asked me if I think that he’s leading me on and proceeded to tell me although he would love a relationship with me, he only sees me as his best friend. And that if we were to take things further, he wouldn’t want our friendship to be ruined if something were to happen. He expressed to me that he gets attached very easily to where he can be very affectionate to the point of romantic acts. I know that I’m the only person that he does this with, because we spend 90% of our week together and he’s not the type to hookup with girls left and right. On top of that, his school schedule is very busy. It kind of stung a little because he has all the things I want in a guy and I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with him. He told me that he still wants to do all of this platonically, but if it gets too much for me, he’s willing to stop. I confided in some friends and even they were confused. They think that he either likes me, but is afraid to commit to a relationship, is emotionally unavailable, or really only sees me as a friend. Thoughts?

[quaranta]

This is not fully a friendship already, because I'm ready to bet that if one of you gets a proper partner tomorrow, the other one would get mad jealous about that. Right now you are each other's "main person" (and not just main but also extremely present to not let space for anyone else), but this position is the one a partner would take the moment they enter the scene. Is any of you willing to lose this position? Maybe not, hence jealousy. Surely if the situation stays like that it's all ok but none of you will stay completely single forever, at some point a chance will pass by, and...
So you have to clarify in what way what you are doing now is "exclusive", at least.

Probably what he is trying to tell you is that he enjoys couple things together as they are, but doesn't feel ready to full commit, doesn't feel ready to make plans and promises on the long terms, and to not keep his options open for other girls who could come across. Maybe he doesn't see you as "the one", or maybe he can picture there is better for his standards and doesn't want to have the chance removed by being locked with you.
Or maybe he is just exploring his sensations if he has zero experiences and doesn't feel ready to jump in a contract where he isn't even sure of what he feels.
Or maybe he is insecure about your stance and says such things just to make sure you don't think he is taking you too strong.

However, sometimes people (especially young, because if I imagine doing this now with someone and then say it's just platonic they'd slap me on the face and I would even think they are right), don't know exactly what they want and declare things that aren't really coherent or written on stone, so, sometimes, in the right circumstance or by receiving an attractive confession (which means confident and not desperate), they get a sudden enlightenment and rearrange their brain. So his stance could change about this situation, especially if you make it a deal breaker to either go in a direction or another. But in general, the success of an attractive confession is a very underrated aspect because the way you do it can really seduce him and make him see you suddenly in a different way.
Now the problem is that you are into him anyway so whatever you decide to do you are anyway into him and you don't just "stop having feelings" while staying close friend and in contact with the same person you feel things for. You'd need a pause anyway to move on and to open up to new partners if you decide to "stay friends" otherwise it just won't work, it never works for anybody, it drags for long in suffering just because both are too afraid to leave (even if it's for the best).

[Cynicaldreamer]

Because he wants all the perks of you as a girlfriend without the work, title, and commitment that goes with it.

Basically he's using you. I know he's your "friend," but I'm just calling it like I see it. If he finds a girl he does want to commit and date, you can bet he won't hesitate to do that for her!
And he'll just tell you, "Oh, I'm seeing someone now, but since we're me and you are friends that doesn't change anything!" 🙄

Noo... girl don't be a girlfriend without the title or commitment. Tell him that doesn't work for you. Either he needs to take you out and see how it feels. Or you treat him like platonic friends. No in between.

[Guy13]

Maybe he is a nice guy and treats those close to him special. Is he protective ⁉️

Maybe he’s like very other guy who has one he wants to protect because he wants to be the one with this one⁉️ Hopefully, BOTH ⁉️

[boggboss]

That he wants to do the affectionate things u would do with a partner without actually getting with u like he said if its a issue tell him

[Anonymous]

I think he’s just afraid of commitment. Tbh the voice memos thing is typical of mixed friends - I send voice memos of myself burping and farting to my male friends all the time, belching and farting is just how women bond with men in both friendships and relationships. Everything else seems characteristic of a relationship and not a friendship

[Anonymous]

Have a conversation with him. I understand the fear of doing so but there truly needs to be a clear understanding of what’s happening between you two. He’s not worrying about risking friendship or whatever when he’s doing all of those suggestive things, and for all you know he’s waiting to hear that you’re interested since according to you, you do nothing outwardly to relay interest.

[spartan55]

Friends don't act like that. Tell him to put up or stop the pretend boyfriend stuff.