When a guy cries, are you supposed to pretend you don't notice and leave the room?

[Bethany22]

How do I know what each guy prefers women do when they catch him crying? It could be a guy she doesn't know out in public, a colleague, friend, boyfriend, or husband. Many guys say they prefer it if people pretend they don't notice that he's crying, and leave the room, as opposed to coming up and putting your arm around him. What do you think of that?

[NathanDavis]

I would keep it simple and agree with @sparkie460 because extremes are not a good idea, to just ignore people if you know them personally or to go as far as physical touch especially if you don't know them at all... both of these approaches are a bit extreme so

it would be best if you keep it more simple to some questions, maybe you can start with one like "what is wrong?" do not ask if they are okay, because they're obviously not okay, do not ask if something is wrong, because is the same... lol, ask "what is wrong?" directly... and this will give you an idea if they are willing to engage or if they just want you to leave them alone, if they say "it is nothing" that could be your sign that they are willing to engage even if they do not want to tell... but if they say something like "go away" or "none of your business" well that's kind of obvious too

next thing you could ask, if they are willing to engage is.. "is there something I can do to help?" do not say "if you can do something for them" keep it more neutral go with "can I do something to help" and maybe it is for the best that you suggest something right after you ask like "do you want to talk about it" because this is a question that they will most likely answer with a YES or NO which are very straight forward answers, and if they are willing to talk about it they will keep engaging, maybe they say something like "you would not understand" or "you could not do anything to help" I would think that is a signal of them want to talk about it a bit and to be listened but not really address the issue, or maybe, again... they will insist for you to leave them alone

now, a third question could be... "are you going to be alright?" and with this last one, they will also tell you yes, or maybe they say no, or maybe they say "it doesn't matter" or "it is okay" so if you made it to this point and they're still not opening up about the actual problem, then you at least tried, you showed caring and you could just leave them alone trusting that they will be fine

questions like this give an opportunity for the person to engage in different levels, maybe they just respond or maybe they open up if they want to be listened and talk about it, or it will prompt them to let you know that they really want to be alone and not bothered about it

[bolverk]

Guys will tactfully ignore him and give him space to compose himself and watch over him if he is one of their friends, if you see a guy crying it will be in silence, they will only notice the guy if he directly asks for assistance and NEVER assume that he requires any assistance, guys are taught from an early age that crying gets them nothing,

[Lliam]

It depends on what I am crying about and who is observing. I don't bawl but I can get emotional.

Acts of kindness - for example, seeing the reaction of a person in need when a stranger helps them out, can make me mist up. I'm very empathetic. And my eyes are kind of water anyway.

Certain kinds of movies about loss, pain or reunification can get to me. I admit that I conceal that and prefer that my wife not acknowledge it. I think the reason is, I feel gullible for getting sucked into a contrived heart wrenching movie scene.

I'm a musician, and some music can fill me with emotion.

In real life, I cry over the loss of pets or loved ones. I might bawl when I'm alone or with my wife, but not in public. My pain is still apparent, though.

I'm not embarrassed to show my emotions in front of my wife. We can hug and cry together, or we can comfort one another.

I don't weep in public or with friends unless it is in empathy. But, again, my emotions are apparent. I don't wear a mask.

If I'm weeping over a death, I don't care who sees me.

[Anonymous]

Bethany,

Show me a man hides his feelings in the shadows and I will show you a man that will at some point hide more than feelings. I know that GAG is full of the macho, masculine types that are devoid of any emotional feelings and would never show any level judgmentof vulnerability. But sad to break the stereotype, but men are human and if they are comfortable with who they surround themselves with, showing emotion and allowing themselves to be vulnerable. Crying or other tough emotional times should be something his SO could and should comfort him.

No judgment, no words, just be present. To pretend your man is not hurting and look the other way would be in my opinion an admission that the relationship is not as strong as you think.

Give all of yourself to your relationship, don't assume you know what each others wants or needs. Talk, be open and honest and if he wants to be alone, then fine. But I am telling you that he would rather work through his sadness with you versus you pretending you not see his pain.

KIK

[AmandaYVR]

Beautifully written.

[Sixgunsound]

It’s significantly different if you’re in a relationship with someone then if you are not. It’s been my experience that emotionally mature women don’t judge men as harshly as emotionally immature women do for crying, but there is no escaping male judgment of man crying. It just is not going to happen. It is very difficult to quickly change evolutionary biology, and men who broke ranks or cried on the battlefield got themselves and the men around them killed. After the fighting, Achilles was inconsolable following Patroclus’s death in battle. So it is not as though even in the ancient world that really macho tough guy manly men did not cry over a loss. One of the greatest stories ever told by any civilization demonstrates grief as a regular feature, not a bug. But during the fighting, woe to anyone who crossed Achilles’ path, and he did not break ranks. Men needed to know who they could count on not to break ranks and so mercilessly destroyed the weakest link to either toughen him up or kick him out. It is absolutely a duty and expectation of a significant other to support a man in that position, but it is just as inappropriate for someone who is not a significant other to become involved.

[DJB72]

The guys who want you to leave the room are weak.

There's nothing unmanly about tears.

I struggled to cry for years after my brother died because of the highly toxic environment created by the whole "men don't cry" and "stop that - don't be such a girl!" bullshit I was taught.

The macho tough guy who breaks his leg and yet finishes the race is a movie fallacy. A lie.

I'm a tough guy now. I joke about getting a parrot when my leg was amputated - but I cried with the doctor who performed the amputation.

Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign the guy is hurting and a truly strong Man isn't afraid to be vulnerable with the people he loves and who love him. The ones who don't cry? They're the ones that kill themselves.

Seriously.

Don't let a man you love suffer alone, even if he tells you to. Help him be a stronger man.

[AmandaYVR]

Bravo. 👏

[Andres77]

if u have ever said u love him, sit next to him and just be quiet. if you have never said that... quietly leave and give him space. and when he looks at you later just give him an understanding look and go about ur business. if he needs to talk he will.

[fonduegirl]

It depends. If you know the cause of the crying is humiliation and your attention will only make it worse, yes ignoring him for a while (until he comes down) might help. But if he's like bawling, be a human and ask him what's wrong, tell him you care. If he's your partner — then definitely comfort them!

[AviatorTom]

Why? Guys do cry sometimes when upset... there's nothing wrong with that.

A guy who's afraid to show his emotions is a potential red flag.

[Summeroflove]

Respect their wishes. Many guys want a woman whose nurturing. So if you have a nurturing nature and you see someone crying and in pain and it’s natural for you to want to comfort them and help them. Then do that.

But if someone wants some space. Nothing personal just leave them be for a bit.

[jennifer_bloom]

I ask them if they want to be left alone and if they say they do not know, it usually means they want sympathy but don’t want to be a burden to you

[pewter_moon]

I gently ask them if they are okay. If they want to talk I’m a good listener. I wouldn’t pester or hover. They either want a shoulder or not. If not leave them alone.

[Guy13]

We don’t want the talking snd fixing. If you waNt to hang out and lean against without smothering me with touch and your emotional reaction THEN come lean against…

[whirled_up_girl]

If it's someone I know well I might cry along with him.

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't know about other guys but, I'd much prefer she comes to at least TRY to comfort me and try to help me get through the trouble I'm having.

[AsaKyo]

I would treat a guy crying the same way I'd treat a woman crying

Let him get it out and if he needs a shoulder to lean on, I can be that shoulder for him

[crmoore]

I'd rather they pretend like they didn't notice. Some might think it's silly but otherwise my dignity would definitely take a hit. Unless it was someone I'm very, very, VERY comfortable with, like a parent, sibling, or very long-term romantic partner.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Asking someone if they're okay is appropriate and usually appreciated.

[Psychotic_Buddhist]

I'm Bi, I'd just walk up to him and give him a squeeze, we all need one sometimes 💜

[desidoll]

I think it is always good to know the reason why they are crying. I hate being ignored if it happens to me so I assume they may want my comfort as well. I’d slowly approach and asked if they prefer to be left alone or want to talk about it.

[Lionman95]

I think it's generally not bad to know first what you want. Do you want to hug him and get close to him or not.
If you don't like see him crying leave the room.
Otherwise offer him either a time to talk or a hug if he declines accept that.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I would love for someone to just care to maybe give me a hug, to offer comfort. But honestly eben someone caring enough to just be there. Would be a nice start and. ore than I have now.

[Utopia1]

I would prefer a woman set close to me, put her arm around me, give me a soft kiss and say, I’m here for you and care. Please let it out and talk to me. Let me try and help you.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

When I cry in public, I always embrace in a hug with someone

[Sparkie460]

I would say ask him what he wants you to do. Does he want a shoulder to cry on or does he want to be alone

[melanieeeB]

I think the best is to give support, that depends on the person tho like my ex hated to be touched, so I just stayed with him and listened, others want a hugh and etc

[RavVid]

I don't cry so I don't know to be honest. I can tear up from laughing but that is different. If I did cry I think I'd prefer you to pretend not to notice

[20yearsolder]

No you're supposed to laugh at him and call him a pussy

[24_7_Amazing]

It doesn't make a man a pussy to show emotion.

[20yearsolder]

Get a sense of humor, it was a joke

[24_7_Amazing]

Not a fun one

[20yearsolder]

Don't start crying about it

[shortster]

I think a hug is a good option if you know each other.

[CateM]

If I know him I'll do my best to console him because he's human and the old trope that men don't cry is BS bc yes, men do cry

[Anonymous]

That's up to her. I'm me, and she's her. If I'm crying in front of her I'm already showing a lot of trust in her. But if I'm crying it's because I feel I can. But I want her to do what's comfortable to her.

[Nazgol]

If i was crying, I'd want some comfort. I wouldn't want someone to just leave room the room. Guys are human too, no any different..

[Jackblue]

If he is your lover, comfort him, anyone else yes please go away.

[pizzalovershouse]

I say do like guys do ask whats wrong can we talk about it

[CubaPirate]

Not really they may just want a cuddle of consolation

[BLP11520]

Big boys don't cry was drummed into us. Cry at Mom's funeral certainly

[worldscolide]

A hug would be nice..

[Anonymous]

I would actually like an arm around me but almost impossible to admit it for real couse in a way it makes you feel weak

[Jamie05rhs]

You should probably leave him alone.

[Jamie05rhs]

Any woman who says she wants to comfort a man is full of shit. It's a trick. She will leave him the minute she sees any sign of weakness.

[Guardian45]

If you do that, DON'T come back!

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats some sociopathic garbage.

[MadClown]

Leave the room.

[Debbie14217]

no... lol