My boyfriend wants to take me out but he complains he’s broke?

[Anonymous]

I’m in a LDR but we see each other every month when he comes home.

He paid for our first date but on the second date although he picked me up and dropped me home, he went to a very cheap place for food and let me pay for my dessert. I didn’t think much of it because well it’s just food.

On our third date, he didn’t pick me up or drop me home.

As we’re approaching our next date, he wanted to take me to a winter festival and I was very excited. After I told him we have to book it he said he doesn’t want to go anymore. Today he asked me to plan our date but not pick anywhere expensive.

I don’t care about money but it’s the thought that counts. And I’m Middle Eastern so in our culture the guy pays. I’ve never asked him for anything nor have I ever asked to go anywhere fancy. We hardly see each other and for him to say that… I feel disappointed.

What do you think?

Updates

+1 y

Guys I’m breaking up with him. No need to discuss this further. There’s just been too many red flags.

[AmeerX]

If it was me I wouldn't let a girl pay the bill ever. One time this feminist girl decided to pay the bill and I grabbed her hand because I felt so bad about her. I mean come on girls I don't want to be rude but you need to stop thinking it makes men superior or them inferior. Just I like to take care of my girl

[Asker]

I’m Arab I expect the guy to pay. In return I have also bought him stuff

[Asker]

So I’m not taking advantage of him but I want to feel valued and taken care of

[AmeerX]

What you are thinking is not wrong at all. I think your boyfriend is cheap no offense.

[AmeerX]

How does eating food mean taking advantage 🤣

[Asker]

Looool thanks

[AmeerX]

Welcome, just don't dump him after hearing my words)). Give him a chance may be he is Wonderful afterall

[Mark987]

hmm this could be taken two ways.. maybe he is just not interested... or.. he is really short of money. I would never take a woman on a date if I didn't have the money to cover it but that is just me. Call me old fashioned but I won't let a women pay ever

[Asker]

Exactly. I never asked him to take me anywhere fancy in the past. I’m a very simple girl and he knows that and he likes that. Or he could take me somewhere which isn’t expensive but just not say that to me…it hurt my feelings.

[RealMarek]

I really don’t think you are compatible with this fellow. This is just more trouble in addition to what you’ve posted before.

[Asker]

Am I ever gonna be compatible with anyone? No one’s ever loved me like he does.

[RealMarek]

There is a fine line between wanting/desiring you and loving you. From a lot of what you described lately I’m sure he desired you, and it feels good to be desired. But pressuring you for an early marriage and disregarding you in other ways makes me question the extent to which he really loved you. Or perhaps he did, but in a very flawed way.

Will you ever find a man who knows how to love you in the way you need to be loved and is compatible with you? Yes, I believe it’s probable even though a lot of young men are immature today. You need to keep meeting and vetting men. My impression is that you have little trouble attracting men, so you should be able to get more shots on goal. Try to hang in there and feel free to reach out if you need encouragement or ideas about finding a suitable man.

[Asker]

That means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

[Still-alive]

well he said he would pay just don't pick an expensive place. sounds like you don't really have an issue here. unless you also hate being the one to choose a place too?

[Asker]

I just think it’s odd he said that

[Still-alive]

well whats odd about it? sometimes its nice having the girl choose instead. shows us you are also just as invested in us as the guy is

[Asker]

He always asks me to choose and on top of that he makes the expensive comment and didn’t go through with the winter festival plans. Makes me feel like he’s putting no effort in for me.

[Still-alive]

hmm well rereading your details again. it is a bit flakey of him to change plans just like that. but at least it was in advance and not like the day of or worse he stands you up. that shit sucks trust me lol

he could be testing you though. trying to see if you're high maintenance or only after him for his money. so just be aware of that

OR it could be that he might spend a lot of money traveling to see you already that he doesn't have as much to spend lavishly on you when he does get to you. just some things to think about.

if things feel off for you though... trust your gut here.

[Asker]

Thanks. It feels off. I’m not after money and he knows that. I’ve never asked him for anything and in fact I buy him stuff too. I just think he could’ve put it nicer. Made me feel like a burden.

[motownplayer2000]

Lol you just complained that he went to a cheap place for food on your second date. Then in the same breath, you said you don’t care about the money.. lol it’s those little contradictions in your statement that makes me question why most women even date. It’s most likely not to get to know the man, more so what the man can offer them in the way of money and comfort to try and put up with stuff. Lol this is why society and dating is so fucked.

[Asker]

I don’t care about money but I do care if someone is intentionally being cheap around me. It’s called class. If you can’t provide it and this offends you then you don’t have class.

[motownplayer2000]

Lol all that does is show me who is there that’s not wanting to be with me just for me. I don’t care about your definition of class. If you get past my standards and what I’m looking for then I will consider stepping it up. But if I’m paying your not getting the best most expensive meal off the bat. A woman will need to earn it. That’s what needs to change in the dating world eliminates certain women from the pool

[Asker]

Yeah but I’m in a serious relationship I’ve even met his family. And if he doesn’t want to pay a lot of money for our date even though we see each other like once every couple of months because he’s broke or whatever he shouldn’t be telling me “not to pick somewhere expensive” it’s rude

[Part2603]

Yeah, in your culture the guy pays (just like every other culture) except in your culture women don't give head.

Stop complaining!

[Asker]

Arab girls are the freakiest I don't know who lied to you 🤣

[Part2603]

"you can still please each other without physically penetrating"

I stand corrected! 🤣

[Part2603]

Oh great! I have a thing for repressed Muslim girls.

[Asker]

Who said we’re repressed 😂😂😂