Should I reach to him or give space?

[Anonymous]

I met at guy from an app two weeks ago and we hit it off right away. After the second meet up, he said he likes me and wants to see where things ago. He took a weekend trip with some friend guys over the weekend and we last saw each other the morning he left town with them. He messaged me on Sunday letting me know he had made it back in town but also said that there’s something on his mind and he wants to talk about in person, but not over text. He said he’d let me know when, but I asked him on Tuesday if it was a good day because I’d be busy the rest of the week. He finished up with work late on Tuesday. So I responded the next day (Wednesday) letting him know I was already asleep. Now I haven’t heard anything since…I’d like to know what’s on his mind but he hasn’t reached out again? Should I ask him when will work for him or give him space and let him reach out eventually? My biggest fear is that he won’t say anything but I really want to explore what’s possible with him. I don't know, help.. I like this guy.

Updates

+1 y

I never told him I was busy. Since he didn’t pick a day, I did. I suggested Tuesday because it was a less busy day for me vs the rest of the week but I would have made it work if he followed up after Tuesday didn’t work.

He originally said “I’ll let you know” I suggested Tuesday after that. Then he wasn’t available until late Tuesday night and we never rescheduled

[quaranta]

I have the feeling he might have seen another girl on Saturday, perhaps an ex or just another girl he is dating. I say that because that's after that point that he went mysterious and had something important to tell you, and at the same time he didn't become more available, but rather, more distant. Maybe he wanted to reject you in person, because by text it's kind of a coward move.
You could tell him you are going to be busy for the next days and so if he has something important to say you might have a call instead, after work. If he doesn't reply, then the rejection is served...
Also, why would you have to "give him space"? He teased you with something he had to say, then disappeared. You didn't have any argument and you weren't pushy or anything, there is no such circumstance as "he needs space" in this moment, and if he really needed that, he would tell you, motivating it somehow.
Sure, you want to "explore what is possible with him" but be careful to not build expectations without his collaboration. Don't put more effort than what he is putting (you are already thinking a lot more than him about this I guess), don't picture sweet things you are unsure he is picturing too. That is in order to not crush over his unavailability.

[Asker]

He went to a festival over the weekend and he actually invited me to go with him but it was to late notice for me, 3 days before the trip. But maybe he is seeing someone else now that he’s back in town.. no idea.

I felt he might need space bc we spent a lot of time together before he left town and I figured he might need it. Yet, he kept saying he missed me that week which is why we kept seeing each other. But I’d really like to know what he has to say even if it is rejection, I’ll always wonder. I agree with about avoiding having high expectations and putting in more effort. I guess where I’m at now is, don’t contact and never hear back from him (possibly), or reach out to try and schedule another time…

[quaranta]

Well then this thing he has to say matches the exact moment when everything changed all of a sudden (in negative). That's why I think it might be related. I would schedule another meeting or a call, if you are still busy. But that's the last effort you should put, if he doesn't reply or misses the call then that's a silent "no" I guess.

[DaveJord]

Yes, when I ask a woman out... as in the example on Tuesday and she says I can't I am busy for the rest of the week... then I want her to say I can't this week... but how about next Monday?

You literally just said no your busy, and he can take that as clear sign that you are not interested... I definitely would not follow up on that, I would wait and see. Because if you were interested then you would follow up with me with something better than no, I am busy.

Because honestly how busy are you? You can't meet for lunch or a cup a coffee for an entire week? I mean if your life is that busy, then I am not sure if I would even want to start dating someone with that much demand on their time.

One would think that if you were seriously interested you would make the time, or at least offer a better time when you are not busy.

[Asker]

I accidentally sent your response as a question update

[Asker]

I never told him I was busy. Since he didn’t pick a day, I did. I suggested Tuesday because it was a less busy day for me vs the rest of the week but I would have made it work if he followed up after Tuesday didn’t work.

He originally said “I’ll let you know” I suggested Tuesday after that. Then he wasn’t available until late Tuesday night and we never rescheduled

[DaveJord]

Opps, I hope it was helpful to you!

[DaveJord]

Well, if he never followed up then it seems like this is not getting off on and good foot... if you suggest Tuesday and he it didn't work out and then he did not follow up... well if you are really interested then you should follow up with him. But honestly, it does not feel right to me.

Seems like you to are not vibeing on some level... the whole I have something to tell you later but now thing is immature to me. I mean if he did not want to tell you right there and then why bring it up? Just wait for the right time to bring it up.

Then bouncing around of schedules... I don't that red flag, when it happens to me.

[DaveJord]

*** I don't like that, it's a red flag to me when it happens.

For me the harder stuff within a relationship happens later, in the beginning it should be as easy as possible, and this does not sound like it is. Leaves too much room for anxiety and doubt to build and he is not communicating very well... RED FLAG!!!

[Asker]

LOL thank you. I really appreciate your take! It just feels so confusing when we get along so well in person but I may reach out and if something like this happens again, I’ll have to move on.

[Asker]

you’re spot on about anxiety and doubt building by the way.. I will let him know about it, if it happens

[DaveJord]

I think if you feel you need to reach out then you definitely should. I have done the same numerous times. These confusing situations make me feel super uncomfortable, and it turns me off... but none the less I still like to reach out and try or get closure on it myself.

But if you follow up with him, be open minded and nonjudgmental if you want it to work out but set boundaries on it... if it doesn't feel right just seek closure and be done.

[DaveJord]

Going forward he should communicate better and that is wise point to make to him.

[spartan55]

You told him you were busy the rest of the week. You contact him.

[Asker]

I knew my week would get busy after Tuesday but I never told him. I just didn’t want him to ask when I was unavailable I guess.

[spartan55]

That makes no sense.

[Arik_jade]

You should give space