I'm not sure anymore?

Question

My boyfriend, who is a chef, thought it was not okay to tell me that he has been wearing his jeans on shift and making me look like a mug everytime I wash his work trousers he is not even wearing.

And you can say, Artsy you wash his uniform? Yes and I know it is not good when he treats me like this. Recently we have had cold weather so he wears his jeans on shift. He normally what's shorts so this is not a problem.

In our apartment building we are not allowed to have the washing machine on after 12am. He gets home at 2am or later sp this won't work. He doesn't get to bed straight away so even if he gets up at 12pm and starts at 5pm that's 5 hours to hand dry a wet uniform. We can't afford the tumble dryer or heating.

In the summer it's not an issue but it is now. I know I am not meant to be doing this but I feel bad. Anyways he'll make a comment that I've got all this free time now so I should be doing it anyways. And I don't mind it, I am trying to find the balance. I want him to thank me for washing his uniform and looking after him. I know it sounds stupid.

Edit: He apologised but he said contally repating it says it makes him worse and worse. I was trying to explain that today when I was packing his bag his work trousers were wet. I feel like shit. It's late here so I am going to have a drink and get to bed,.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

@wiredone made some really good points. He’s really not stressing himself over anything lol it’s kind of laughable for what it says about his character. It’s also no joking matter when it affects someone as nice as you.  I think as far as the drying situation goes and making it easier for you. Find some other heating methods? It’s just trousers and not laundry? Maybe a living room fire to air dry, or like sort of “air roast” lol Maybe steam it with a steamer, that you could invest in? A cheap one preferably? Maybe try putting it in a pot and putting it in the oven? This last one sounds stupid and I don’t know if it’d actually work. I literally just seen it on Seinfeld, as a part of the show, but I’m not sure if that’s a way it could dry? 🤷‍♀️ Would have to really be careful not to damage the clothes. Don’t know how long it takes either. If you don’t have the fireplace/ oven/ steamer. Try a hair blow dryer or an iron to press his jeans? It’s odd, but it may dry it quicker. Just- at this point, try any heating sources. If you have vents in your place with heated air. Try putting them over the vent, or making a tube from the vent to a larger semi-enclosed area, in order to let the trousers have access to pressurized air, and still have enough ventilated air to prevent any possibility of overheating and fire, or burning. Last option seems like the most strenuous and the oven seems risky, but those can be last resorts if the other options don’t work. This should all be temporary, though. You should set yourself at a steady pace to leave him for good. You’re wife material. He’s not husband material.  He doesn’t just NOT appreciate you. He’s seriously devaluing you, underestimating your worth and potential, downplaying your emotions, abusing your rights, and taking for granted your generosity or affection, and long temperance. If these were legal crimes he could face life in prison for all of these counts against him. See the facts sis, 👐 and you’ve got to tell yourself he’s temporary. His type can be bought at any store- he’s certainly not original, and YOU can do BETTER.  Trust sis, you can do better, and you will, when you take steps in a different direction. When you say ‘No’ to one thing, you say ‘yes’ to something else. Any work and effort will move the ball; just angle it in the direction you want to go, and you’ll go!  You’ll certainly get there. Either way, I still have my fingers crossed for you. 🤞 I’m cheering for you in this situation. Not him.

dustybiker · Accepted Answer

Communication is key in a relationship. If you want someone you must make that known. Kindly and clearly.

Wiredone · Accepted Answer

You are wife material. Too bad he doesn't realize that. He's treating you more like a maid then his girlfriend. It's no wonder you don't feel appreciated.

Andres77 · Accepted Answer

One? How about he springs for a second pair. Fixed.  i’ll send you my bill.

Charlesbrandonf · Answer

My first job is dishwashing when I was a student. I use to come home around 1-2am and go sleep for two hours and wake up around 4-4:10am to drop my girlfriend who works two hours far from our home and I used to pick her up from work around 3pm and go to my work around 5pm.

You should not be doing this to him if he is not giving enough attention or respect to the living. He may love you, but thats not enough to be together. Managing skills should be there. Let there be no love yet if one knows how to manage relationship and life, and balance it, they make successful couple.

You’ve to leave him as quickly as possible. Or you’ll just extend your pain until it destroys you further.

SnowedIn · Answer

Hats off to you Artsy. You're doing amazing things.

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