How to win my boyfriend sons hearts?

[DinaSmith]

I’m in a relationship with an amazing man but the only problem I have is his 2 sons. They keep disliking me no matter what I say or do. they are 15 & 10 years old. I am doing everything in my hand to bond as one family since i moved in with them but its no use.

[SteveSmith1985]

This is a really tough situation you're in. No doubt about it.

I think the key to winning their hearts, will be seeing that you're a good person, and a good fit for their father... over time. I think you just have to keep being as patient and loving as you can be until they eventually come around.

Of course I don't know what exactly the 'bond as one family' looks like... but be careful with that. It depends on the situation for sure... but... kids can often resent someone coming in and trying to "be their mother". You obviously will have parts of that role. It also depends on the kid's relationship/view of their mother.

My mom's dad died when she was 16. The man who ended up marrying her mom, got along with my mom and my uncle very well. My mom always said that what allowed her to accept him, was the fact that he DIDN'T try and act like her father. Not saying this is anything universal. Just throwing it out there.

Keep showing them love and kindness, don't 'force-it' and hang in there. If you do those things, I think it's just a matter of time.

[Blackmoonsns]

You have to be patient in a child's heart they want to see their mother and their father together children do not like the idea of their mother or their father being with a new partner so in this situation you just have to stay patient and be calm and reassure the child that you're not here to replace their mother or their father or you know take them away from you but if you want a quick way into a kid's heart by them gifts.

[LazerBean]

Get out while you can, those situations basically always turn to shit and regret.

[DinaSmith]

But why?

[LazerBean]

You already wrote the answer to that question in the description of your original question. You're going to have to adult up and figure out the obvious root cause and solutions to your problems.

[DinaSmith]

I see. Thanks for the advice 👍🏻

[coachTanthony]

Non-biological parents need to exercise an appropriate amount of authority but they do need to earn it and the children's respect, not just demand it. So not sure what you been doing but don't kiss their ass don't beg just be a good role model.

[MCheetah]

It sounds like you're with a man at least twice your age, 42+, who has a son only six years younger than you to where you could be his big sister. Yeah, I'd be creeped out by that too. The man is too old for you, and you are too young for him. Particularly, if it has near-adult aged kids. I don't get along with my mother, but when I was 20 (still living at home), she was once briefly dating a 26-year old and it was very awkward (especially him being even shorter than I was; he was like 5'9".) I just don't think there's any long-term future here, especially as young as you are and him likely being 40+.

[DinaSmith]

My boyfriend is 38 only and we get along very well. Age isn’t everything sometimes.

[Anonymous]

There could be a lot of reasons why. Maybe you’re taking in their mind what used to be their time w their dad. Maybe their mother is talking bad about you, putting things in their ears. Maybe you’re trying to hard. They may see you as being fake. How long have you two been together?

[Danny_dan92]

All I can say is good luck to you.




This is something you really cannot change. You can be the nicest most caring person to these kids, if they don’t like you. They’ll keep resenting you.

[DinaSmith]

That's sad then but thanks for the advice tho 👍🏻

[Jackblue]

Well, they obviously miss their mom, I guess you just have to hope that sooner or later they warm up to you. You are a bit young to be a 15 year old's stepmother, but it isn't for me to judge.

[DinaSmith]

Thank you sir

[AviatorTom]

Are you trying to be their mom? That won't ever work. Don't try to bond, just let things happen.

[DinaSmith]

I am trying to be their friend and close to them not taking the role of their mom at all. I want us all to be happy together as one family

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes that kind of thing takes time. Pray about it

[Stevefiveo]

Just keep doing your best to do things as a family. Ask your boyfriend for help. Hopefully they will be won over eventually.

[DinaSmith]

Yeah hopefully somehow.
Thanks for the advice 👍🏻

[Stevefiveo]

Welcome. Good luck.

[LimitedBenefits101]

So you are only 6 years older than his oldest son😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 poor kids

[DinaSmith]

And he is only 38 not +50 but yet there’s nothing funny about anything here.
Thanks for sharing your opinion 👍🏻

[Iron_Man]

I don’t know that’s gonna take a lot of hours effort in months in years

[DinaSmith]

Maybe one day

[Guy13]

Perhaps he is too old for you.

[DinaSmith]

38 only and looks like a guy in his mid to late 20s if we are talking about looks here.

[Guy13]

Alright. Have you met his family or "17 year old" daughter for that interaction, "Mum".

[EmmaMary]

Gosh... Just how old is your boyfriend?

[Danny_dan92]

Probably 40 something.

[EmmaMary]

@Danny_dan92

The Asker seems like another one with no common courtesy in making any replies.

[Danny_dan92]

Lol yeah. Cause majority of the answers she’s been getting are cut throat

[DinaSmith]

@Danny_dan92 not at all i was busy to not replying. I am okay with what people say and thankful for sharing their opinions here. @EmmaMary my boyfriend is 38 not very and he looks much younger than his actual age. We get along very well and there’s crazy chemistry between us but the kids part hopefully will change oneday.

[Danny_dan92]

So when he was a little over his sons age you were a baby….

Also I don't know how a man that old could have chemistry with a 21 year old.. unless he’s immature tbh

[TheFlak38]

Forget it.