Boyfriend says I’m rude , am I?

Question

My boyfriend keeps saying I’m a rude person. I’ve never thought of myself as rude, no one else I know has ever called me rude and when I say this to him he says well how many people do you actually know.

So he says I’m rude because I sometimes don’t always say please, I do majority of the time, like example I joke sometimes “make me coffee” without saying please (I don’t actually let him make me coffee I like doing it a certain way myself so I’m joking).

When we go out he says it’s rude I’m on my phone, if he goes to the bathroom I’ll check my phone while I’m alone, i put it back when he comes back. Or if I get a message I might check while with him. I actually don’t consciously think of this when I’m doing it. I don’t mean to be rude? Maybe I am without realising?

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

So, this one is in the eye of the beholder. You don't think you're rude. That's legit (I don't necessarily think so either). BUT... he's not wrong in that he has a certain expectation. His thought of what constitutes rude or not isn't wrong either. This isn't black and white like which spoon to use for the clam chowder.

Here's the important thing: this isn't about whether you're rude or not or whether he's right or not. It's about what is important to him and habits worth changing for you. This obviously matters to him. That's fair. So maybe you make some changes to meet that want. Or he gives up telling you your rude (because, frankly, that's rude).

Sounds like a conversation the two of you need to have not about rude/not or right/not but about trying to please each other.

Stevefiveo · Accepted Answer

Eh, hard to say without meeting you. Those examples dont seem rude to me. Maybe he used to someone more submissive?

AmyHew1tt · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say you're rude, based on what you gave. But it depends on the person you're with. I always say please, whenever I ask for anything. I feel rude when I don't say it, and I get ticked off when other people ask for something or tell me to do something without please. So maybe he was raised in a family that prioritize that a bit?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

To an extent I say you are being rude. Surely that message you received while you are with him can wait to be checked and receive a reply. Even if he is in the bathroom, is it really necessary to check your phone or be on a call? It comes across like your phone is more important than spending time with the person your with.