Guy I'm dating said he's not sure if he feels the same way about me the way his friends feel towards their gfs?

[bdeakol]

Basically I'm his first relationship, been together 6 months now.

We had a talk together about how he doesn't communicate much and doesn't share about himself a lot which is something that has been bothering me.

He said, that he really wants to work on his communication better with me and it is unfair of him to not communicate the way he should. Then he revealed to me that because this is his first relationship he's not sure what is expected of him and that's when he dropped this bomb on me "I thought my feelings for you would grow further by now but they're still the same. I can't compare my feelings for you with any previous relationships because I haven't had any, but when I compare my feelings to the description of what my friends feel towards their SOs, it is not the same. I just don't have the strong feelings they have towards their girlfriend, with you and I don't think I feel love yet"

I asked him what is his friends' description and he said "Butterflies for example" and I asked him, "Do you not feel that towards me?" and he said "I do but not in the same degree they describe".

I told him that maybe he's just not that into me then, and we should just end it. He said "No, I think if I learn to communicate better and work on that then I'll be able to develop my feelings for you further". We just left it at that and he slept over because he didn't want to get back to his since he was feeling very about the conversation?

I'm completely in shock about this... Never in a million years did I think that he wasn't falling for me. He does everything for me, he takes care of me, we go out on dates, he's a great listener, remembers every detail about me, we have great sex, he cuddles me all night, we get along so well, I can just say one word and he understands what i mean.

What would you do? And what advice do you suggest?

[EmyyWolf]

OH HELLLLL NO. 🤬

I would DROP HIM right there. Bye bye, never to be seen again. I would feel so uncomfortable and incomplete, if my own man said to me

“I don’t feel love for you yet” ,

“I need time to feel love for you”,

“I don’t feel butterflies the same way my friends do for their women”

I would’ve left right there. Never to be seen again. Never to hear from him again. POOF! just like that. Gone for good. I wouldn’t care to know about this mo-ron for the rest of my days.

First of all…… how did he even consider a relationship or partnership with someone who doesn’t give him butterflies who doesn’t tickle his love bone, who he don’t have feelings for. How in the hell did this kick off to begin with?

Thats such disrespect to say something like this. You just don’t say this to someone. You break up, and you move on. If you’re not feeling it. You move on.

—————————

You know what this sounds like to me;

This sounds like some unappealing man, trying to be a WANNA-BE FUK-BOY.
You know why? Because he hasn’t had a previous relationship. That sounds like If he is some type of nerd, geek, awkward weirdo. Unappealing and Unattractive. Like he feels that he missed out on the BAD-BOY fairy tale and he wants to use you for it.

This is why he’s cuddling you and treating you kindly. Because he wants to keep getting the action. So that he can find a second mistress, or side-pieces. Or someone hotter. And that way he can “LIVE” the BAD-BOY.. PLAYER.. F-BOY Fantasy.

And when you catch him “cheating” or you catch him talking to someone else.

he's gonna go: “oh I told you I didn’t feel love for you” .. “it’s not my fault, I told you this” “I told you I need time”.

Let me translate what he said to you. “ I only got into this relationship with you, because I was lonely, I’m wasn’t getting any sort of AZZ or any sort of ACTION. I didn’t want to stay there watching XXX. So you were basically the best option for me right now until I can find someone that suits me. I don’t have feelings for you, I don’t love you, but I will treat you and act like I do to keep you around for my personal needs. With you I will get daily sex. And that’s exactly what I need. And so I’m telling you that I don’t love you and for you to give me time. So that when I find someone that catches my eye or makes me feel real butterflies, you wouldn’t be surprised the moment I leave you. I’m just getting you ready for what’s about to happen. I just want to keep you around for the days that I don’t have the women I truly desire and have actual feelings for. You’re free sex, you’re easy at-home sex. That’s the reason I cuddle you and take you out, and listen to your life-story. And I will do my best to remember every detail of your life, and everything you’ve said to me.“

————————

My advice is at least , have break from the relationship. Tell him that you don’t feel comfortable anymore. You need time to think this through.

Personally I’d leave this guy. I couldn’t be with someone who isn’t completely and utterly in love with me. He can do whatever, but the moment his own lips says he doesn’t love me. THATS IT. END OF STORY. I wouldn’t even want to see this moron in PAINTING.

Im disgusted hearing this. 🤮

[EmyyWolf]

This is like if someone says to someone ugly;
“Hey I want to tell you that you’re ugly, you’re unappealing, you’re hideous”

Or if someone says to someone mentally challenged;
“Hey I want to let you know that you’re re-arded, that your brain doesn’t work, that everyone around you is smarter than you”.

YOU JUST DONT SAY SH-T LIKE THIS. OUT OF RESPECT OUT OF MODESTY. OUT OF YOUR OWN COMPASSION AND EMPATHY.

Your own man literally disrespected you by saying this to you. I hope you know that. Even if he was being honest. If he wanted to be honest he needed to end the relationship and not say any of that absolute insane BS.

That’s what normal people do. But if not, maybe he feels he can get away with saying this stuff to you.

[PrincessBunBuns]

No offense but for him saying this 6 months in is fucked. Imagine you said “I haven’t developed those feelings for you yet.” What would his response be? You’ve been in a few relationships, as have I. Whenever I get these thoughts of “feelings not developing” I’ve realized, it’s because the guy is cute and all, but I can’t see us in the long term. I’ve only ever had one partner that I can say with certainty, I loved, and it took me less than a year to figure that out.


I would say to talk to him. Except people don’t wait relationships out, they develop them with strong feelings with one another. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate this one so he can find someone else to “develop feelings for”. Like what the hell.

[caring__1]

It could be he feels you focus on what you expect from him more than gaining a deeper understanding of what he does feel. If he feels criticized, he will pull back. Make sure you are just showing curiosity and not passing judgment on him or rushing him toward the end you want to see. Ask him to describe what he does feel and how that impacts him. Let him know that attempting to copy what others feel will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Is it that something is missing for him, or is it he feels he needs to duplicate the experiences of others? Focus on what is rather than what isn't. Don't be in any rush to throw out the baby with the bath water. He just doesn't understand how to express what he is feeling. Help him to feel safe, secure and special.

[bdeakol]

But don't you think this might mean he's just not that into me? If he doesn't have those feelings? Like do you really think if he opens up things will be different?

[caring__1]

To be into you, he needs to feel safe with you. If he feels he's being judged or manipulated, he's less likely to feel those feelings. He may not be into you, but, since this is his first relationship, he doesn't really know what he is into. Just focus on what is within your control. That means focusing on what you bring to the relationship rather than what he should bring to the relationship. Identify if what you bring is what he values or just what you value. If what you bring doesn't trigger him to bring more, then what he's bringing is all he has to bring. It's OK to move on, if you're not seeing what you want to see, but never assume people will change for you. You can influence them with your choices, but the more pressure you apply, the more they'll pull away.

[Pyrofox]

My suggestion is research how to ask indepth questions under the topic of ice breaking. IE the kind that force the converstation beyond a "Yes/Aye or No/nye." After all you both are DATING so a little info probing is at least in my opinion okay. And don't be shocked if he like strokes his chin or has to roll his eyes if you catch him off guard its probably just him in deep thought about how to word what he wants to say. Just patiently give him a smile or something that tells him that you really mean the question and want to get to know him better.

[far2gud4u]

A lot of immature suggestions to dump him… beware of these responses. time apart to figure out his feelings may be a good idea but throwing a perfectly good relationship away because of inexperience is not the answer.
I suggest a break… tell him only he will know how he feels about you as he isn’t his friends. His friends haven’t lived his life. Take time apart and do this for you too… it’s in search of clarity, not distance x

[BlackBeauty90]

@bdeakol - grow up and stop judging him. He admitted that this is his FIRST relationship. He is NERVOUS. Do you comprehend?

Instead of crying poor me, poor me oh poor little me... THINK of others. You can either be supportive and GIVE him a REASON to feel those butterflies.

Or you can do him a potential HUGE favour as you seem to be rather self-centered and break up with him.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

He sounds like a cuck. It's amazing how many men don't know how to make a girl feel special, and think their little emotional crisis are all that matters.

Poor little guy 😢 it's hard!

Go and get yourself a real man. One who knows how to make you feel like you're in a god damn fairytale and sweep you off your feet.
Not this douche bag

[Hassan_8]

Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until we start losing it
let him feel that you may have lost a little interest in him, don’t start the communication and don’t push him to communicate.
When he start feeling that you aren’t available all the time and trying to communicate all the time he will think he is losing you slowly, and then he will figure out if he wants to fight for you or not.

[Mayo503]

Wow… sounds like he does love you…
Maybe he’s telling you the truth….
How old is he…? And you too…?
You both work…?

[bdeakol]

I don't think he loves me.
I think he is with me cause he think he should love me. I suppose he doesn't have an excuse to not love me and yet he doesn't.

[Mayo503]

Wow… sorry to hear that…
Well guess it is up to you what to do…
Hope you sort it out….

[Anonymous]

Well, that sucks, but its better to find out now, than later on.