He asked me this does that mean he’s thinking about a relationship?

[sd1223]

We were on the phone and he’s out of town right now but he asked me what do I want to be different between us when he comes back? Does that mean he’s hinting at us wanting to be together?

[Anonymous]

Well, what was the state of your relationship when he left? That could mean any number of things. Like maybe he wants to argue less, see agh other more, stop altogether, who knows.

[sd1223]

We left in a good place we just aren’t together it’s been a friends with benefits if you will
I told him I want us together and he said he hears me so I don't know

[Opinion Owner]

Gotcha. If that’s the case I wonder why he’s even asking when he already knows you want a relationship? Maybe you can clarify things when you see him but if he’s dragging his feet then take that as an answer and act accordingly. friends with benefits is only beneficial for so long before it becomes selfish, and you deserve more than being used for your body and having your emotions toyed with.

[sd1223]

To add context it’s more than just purely sex we do for each other and there are other emotions involved
I’m not sure what made him bring it up
I mean if he wants to take it further with me which is what I’m getting from it then I’m all for it
I can tell he does have some feeling even if he doesn’t want to admit it. I always did feel we were meant to be together.

[Opinion Owner]

How long has it been? Usually within the first 2-3 months a man knows if he sees potential with you and wants to date, so if it’s been more than 6 months, that could say a lot about what he actually wants.
You just don’t wanna get your hopes up, some men can be so manipulative when they know the woman is really into over them. I’ve been on both sides of the fence — getting into a relationship and things just being strung along — and I’ve noticed that the men that take the longest usually aren’t going to commit. I’m not trying to douse your hopes, just being honest.

[sd1223]

We’ve been in this for almost 3 years, we dated before and I say that very loosely, it wasn’t the right time for us to try and date but now that we’re more connected and know more about each other I feel like we’re in a better place to try and date.
Especially with what’s been going on the last few months I just feel like he’s my perosn. I just hope I’m not wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

All I can say is prepare yourself for if he’s not. I don’t know what he’s told you, but if he’s said that he isn’t looking for anything serious and you’re purposely taking his actions and looking for a deeper meaning… well, I hope you aren’t doing that. Best of luck.

[sd1223]

I don’t know I just thought it was interesting why he asked me that I mean he can change his mind can’t he?

[Opinion Owner]

Up until this point I’ve yet to look at your page, but now that I have, I fear that you’ve lost yourself in your journey to loving him. Do you consider yourself at least a relatively wise woman? If so, then you know that true wisdom is knowing when to walk away from a situation that isn’t serving you.

I don’t know if you’ve ever gone back to read what your written in the past, but this is an endless cycle.

You’ve already gone through feeling like things will be different, thinking you’ve made progress or that he’s turning over a new leaf. There has to be a “come to Jesus” moment where you fully understand he is not going to change. What I think is that he knows how much you love him and weaponizes your emotions, giving you just a little more at the right moments, and it keeps you around. He enjoys what you give, and will keep taking it until he finds the woman he will commit to. You may not think it’s true, but I’ve seen this play out time and time again. I watched my sister literally commit herself to a man for 4 years while he was still messing around with other women. She got different versions of ‘I’m not serious about those other women; I’m not ready to commit just yet’; he toyed with her emotions endlessly, only to end up impregnating some woman he kept a secret for months, moved in with her and left my sister high and dry. After 4 years of her commitment, he settled down with someone else after 7 months. Now I know her situation isn’t yours, but just an example of if he wanted to, he would, and he hasn’t. You’ve poured a lot of time, energy, and love into this man. But you can never get that time back and you do yourself no favors praying for a change that he could give you right this moment if he genuinely wanted to. I know you won’t walk away immediately, but I do hope that one day that awakening happens within you, and you love yourself enough to be strong and leave. I’m praying for you, your growth and your journey. It’s never too late to do better.

[sd1223]

I’m sorry I’m just answering this but yes what you’ve told me you aren’t the only person who’s told me all of that. It’s hard to walk away from someone that you love so much. I don’t think it’s so much that he’s playing a game and he could be just giving me false hope. But I think emotionally he’s just done with relationship and people in general. Like we were on a phone call one night and he sounded so defeated when he was just talking about people in general. I really don’t think he’s a bad guy. He has been cheated on by someone that was with in a serious relationship and someone else he was dealing with they weren’t all he thought he was either. I may be going for a post cause but I just feel like we’ve been in each others lives this long for a reason, I feel like if weren’t meant for each other then we would have already parted ways like the others. We both messed with someone else and still came back to each other. He even told me he had someone else that he was trying to be with but that he let that go to come back to me.

[sd1223]

I feel like I know him pretty well and for him to ask me what I want different between us when he gets back is a big thing to me. I feel like he’s finally seen that I’m always going to be down for him and be there for him unlike anyone else. I feel like me and him make such a great team it’s no one else that I could really see myself being with. This one stands out to me for a reason.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s ok, we’ve all got life’s to live lol. So I think you need a game plan for when he comes back. For starters, be very clear about his comment and what it means. He knows you want a relationship so there’s no need to reiterate what you want to be different. The question is if he’s ready to take that step, and you’ve got to ask him. If he gives some excuse, do you have a plan for what you’ll do after that? Will you keep being “down for him unlike anyone else” and pour more time into that man, or let that be the last straw and leave it alone? Like I said, being a wise woman is knowing when the walk away. It’s thinking with your head and not your heart, realizing that this is the most he will offer you. His bad experiences with relationships is just a crutch he leans on in order to not commit. You are a living testimony to this fact if you’ve experienced any kind of hurt or heartbreak and still found it within yourself to love again and try again when you could shut down and be a player if you wanted to.

[Opinion Owner]

You seem to put a lot of emphasis on the fact that you have found your way back to each other, but in all honesty I think he comes back because you’re the only woman willing to tolerate his nonsensical excuses about commitment. That isn’t a flex on your loyalty to him but an example of your willingness to settle. If he doesn’t give you what you want when he comes back, I hope you choose to leave. Because that is a feasible sign and not just a desire for what you want — it’s an answer from him that should be a deal breaker for you.

[sd1223]

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see or end up asking him at some point to find out what he meant but when I finally did tell him the answer to his question he was like ok so I don't know maybe he had a change of heart. We “dated” before and I say that very loosely because it was at a time when we didn’t know each other and it almost a heat in the moment thing. This time around if he actually does want a relationship I feel we would have a much stronger and better one this time around. Guess I’ll have to see and see what happens. I feel like he knows in the back of his head that he won’t find someone better than me, he told me that I couldn’t be replaced the other night when we were talking.

[HobieBrown]

Well in my head I'd say yes but in men's head this could mean. Something totally different I hope you get the right answer

[Wise4myage]

Seems possible.